I was in dilemma in my spiritual search. I knew that there is one and true, living and loving God in my heart of hearts, who is the Creator and Loving Father who cares for us, all the time. But somehow, the literature I studied made me skeptic and doubtful of His contact with me. Therefore I searched for lesser ways of touching the Supernatural Power.
I visited almost all types of worshiping places, Hindu, Muslim, Catholic, Protestant, and Sikh. I was keen in finding His presence in one of those worshipping places. Idols or rituals did not satisfy my appetite and hunger for God. No religion or rituals could fill the void in my heart. Life’s disappointments made me unbalanced in my thinking; but, nevertheless, I tried my level best to contact the Supernatural Power by any means within reach, I was almost at the brink of falling into the trap of witch craft, I requested the help of one of my uncles to learn of this with craft. He said he would help me, because he himself is an idol worshiper and hated Christ.
I knew that Faith is all that matter. God the loving Father gives whatever we ask if only wait upon Him in faith. But powers of darkness never allowed me to stay over at that point.
I still remember how vividly God gave this mustard size of faith once upon a time.
“That was a beautiful incident in my life that I never could forget. I did my final B.A exams almost well. My study habits were very strict and I was aiming to do PG and work for my livelihood by all means. Therefore I did not yield for any proposals brought up by my dad to give me away in marriage. As I said before, it was my wont to read a few lines in Bible and spend a few minutes in prayer before I start preparing for the exams, everyday. Therefore there was a small Bible, along with my class books, which was given by Ruth if I remember well.
It was 1973 , month of May, I was writing the Final B A exams, I prepared very well for the III paper in literature, somehow I left out 3 questions which I felt nothing but nonsense and not very important. Instead of wasting my time to learn those 3 answers I thought I should be thorough with the rest of the syllabus for the exam and I can leave those questions in choice if any one of the three appears in the question paper. They give 5 questions in one section of the question paper and I have to write 4 out of the 5… Questions.
But the next day in the examination hall, I still remember the place I sat and the shock I got when I looked into the question paper. Out of 5 questions the 3 questions I left out without studying were there right in front of me. It means I have no other go but to attempt them as the other two also are not very well known to me.
As these section of questions bear half of the marks of the exam , I knew I would not do well in the exam, and when I started to answer, my mind became numb and blank and I did not have any hope that I would get through my Final Degree exams.
But in those days I had a principle that I should never let any one knew that I was sad or shed the tears publicly. I was as hard as a co-co nut outside. So in order t avoid any one to peep into my heart I used to be appeared very jovial and happy-go-lucky girl, to every other one.
So I was joking with my closest friend after coming out of the exam hall, “Hey Radha, hi Helen, shall we meet again in September supplementary, shall we choose the center for exam in this place only or some other place?” Nobody knews the disappointment or the tears in my heart.
But once I stepped into my room at home, with the books for the IV paper of the Literature, I just
could not stop the tears from my eyes.
I was crying bitterly, My mother peeped into my room and understood my situation and queried my ‘ you did not write the exam well…right” I had no words , I could not say ‘yes’ even, I was overwhelmed with grief. That was the first time, my mother told me ‘to pray’ –she said “Leela pray “, and she left me alone closing the door softly. I grabbed the Bible that was with me, I had a daily portion of the bible to be read for that day yet.
So I looked into the daily portion, and it falls at Lamentations. I felt it was quiet appropriate for me as I was in fact lamenting in my heart. Immediately, the title of the portion itself comforted me very much, It was Lamentations 3:20-33 …..my soul is downcast within me, Yet this call to mind therefore I have hope, Because of the Lord is great we are not consumed, for his compassion s never fail they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for man to bear the yoke while he is young.
Let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him. Let him bury his face in the dust—there may yet be hope. Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him and let him be filled with disgrace. For men are not cast off by the Lord forever though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love for he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.
Wow that is such a direct word for me from the Lord, yes my soul is downcast within me….yea His compassion never fail , they are new every morning…
.( that is a great solace for me) well it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord…( for me salvation means just my exams, at that time) so I have to be quiet; no more tears… I wiped the tears on my cheeks, oh is it good to bear the yoke? Of course I am young, and yes Lord I will bear… it… I told the Lord, He says ‘there may yet be hope, wow “though he brings grief, he will show compassion… ohhh ‘he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to me… I was so much consoled by those verses…
Immediately all my turmoil in the heart subsided, and felt great peace in me, no more tears, no more fears, I just was quiet in my mind , the room was so silent , so is my heart, mind, soul, great serenity encompassed me,.
Peace beyond understanding ..no anxiety for tomorrow my heart was like the sea shore after a great storm., serene , sweet, and rhythmic , full of life , with that wonderful disposition I took the text books for the next day exam, I could concentrate on what I was studying, I knew He was there with me, and His presence was with me, yes, I prepared for the exam knowing that I would do it better, it was the IV paper of the literature I answered the paper 100% correctly, as it was the paper of Poetry and Grammar , I answered the paper as if the texts were just in front of me opened , I could is every comma , full stop in my mind’s eye I recollected it so accurately and I did the exam so well.
But I knew that I spoiled the III paper, and I was in constant fear of failing the exams, but I was keeping on telling me the verses from the Bible and I was keeping that seed of faith God planted in my heart that day.
I was waiting for the results, with great hope and waiting for the good result of salvation from God, with my own understanding. I was trying in my own way to please God, by reading Bible and praying for a minute and waiting upon the Lord with faith…
That surpassing “Peace” I encountered on my knees that particular day was beyond description. That has become my wont since then, in Life’s turmoil’s, and in Life’ across roads, the lord has been so compassionate and His love never failed me.
Whenever I have questions and anxieties I learned to pour out them at His feet. This human heart is so deceitful; it would not surrender to Him instantly. Unless it struggle in its own way to find its own solutions, or lean upon some body , a human help it struggle in its own way to find its own solutions, through crooked roads trails and tests, temptations and errors of human weak life.
But it would never come to the ever opened arms of the sweet savior.
`What is this DA VANCI CODE?
All Rubbish—Even if it is true as it claims the SECRET and defiles His purity –who cares? His pierced hands, His love His presence at any moment of your supplication is enough proof that He is raised Lord. Sinner like me who accept their weaknesses and who realizes His authority over sin and death could approach Him at any given time and live victorious life. That amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.
I once was blind but now I see” is the enough proof that He lives and reigns over His purity of love, His amazing grace, His benevolent blessings day by day in the wonderful flowers showers upon us every moment of the life, but only to those who plead for them.
So that was the very first time. God tried to reach me through His word, because I searched for His comfort. That was the very first time that I ever could exercise ‘faith’ in His Omnipotence. That was the first time that I ever experienced, ‘His Peace” which was beyond understanding. And that was the first time that I even learned to trust His living word. That was the first time that even found victory in my struggle for existence.
And that was the third time; I ever could enjoy His presence, after my first encounter at my 4th year 2 nd encounter at the age of 10 years. This 3rd encounter of enjoying his presence took place in my life at the age of 19 years.
You will be only fooled if you think that I became ardent and faithful Christian with these encounters with Him- nay human soul is always captive of the evil one- unless and until it chose to follow Him constantly there wont be victory in life.
Basically human heart is filled with magnetic power; it attracts so very easily the iron pieces of life. Unless and until we cleanse the heart in the ever flowing blood of the savior it would not and could not attract golden pieces of life.
Some body said ‘God gives us white note book and asks us to write our decision to love Him or reject Him on a paper in the middle of the book, before we sign that particular decision, we write our life, after the decision He writes our book. What a sweet explanation about human life human tendency and compatibility of doing things, his decision with God and the rest of life according to His will.
So as the great philosophers viewpoints all combined in one single picture of the above description.
Some philosophers say that life in our own doing, everything in our capacity, our will power, and our talent.
Some other philosophers say that life in a faith, it is completely” predestined’ everything is written down in our foreheads before we are born. Or reborn unknowingly this theory proclaiming rebirth of spirit.
These two theories are two aces of one coin that is the decision you or I take at a given situation every turn of life has this vacant place, to ‘sing in’ to ‘decide’, to ‘let go’ to ‘yield and to surrender .Then and then only the rest of the life will be according to His plan and purpose.
And there lies ‘peace’ His peace not the peace that is given by the world- but we have His peace- beyond understanding.