Write Up

Final 1n 2 imp draft.

 

Peace in the Heart

. Proclaim among the nations what He has done”  Psalm 9:11

 “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. John 14:27a..

 “Love and Peace are Holy because we could attain them only from Jesus our Savior and the Son of God.- And this Peace would come to us only by praying the issues that we need to pray and in the way that we should pray.  “Spreading all the issues at His feet , being transparent in our soul, pouring out all that is in there, whether it is good or bad, and telling Him as to a loyal bosom friend, as if we are talking to our own heart, never hiding anything — should be the unwritten rule of the prayer life.”—-Only then, He would be ready to submerge us with downpour of Peace which is beyond our understanding, to our mind, our thought, our heart. This Peace look like a great fortress which protect our thoughts, our feelings, and emotions. This Peace cannot be taken away by any one at any given circumstances.

How often we forfeit this amazing peace, just because we are too lazy or busy to talk to the ‘lover of our soul’! We are over confident and thereby we do not seek this ‘intimate relationship’ with Him. This Peace, floods us with joy because it comes from that solid foundation of Word of God. In this we discover the purpose of our life, our goal and our identity.

“This Peace of God transcends all understanding guards us in every task we take up.” Philippians 4:7- This Peace could be given only by the Prince of Peace

A BEAUTIFUL SCENERY  OF  A MAZE

1983….December,      that was one of the year marks, of my life, carved by Him in His

Palm, to bring glory to His name.

He brings a TEST IN OUR LIFE and waits to see our method of solving it. If we ask Him TO GUIDE US, to solve the problem; He paints a beautiful scenery on the canvas of our life and He enjoys as we walk with His guidance, trusting Him with His Peace thereby His name be glorified.      We get storms in life all in a sudden, and in unexpected moment, they try to shaken us and try to uproot us in no time . Then we need to stand still like an  OAK IN THE STORM.

  “Leela, your husband is needed very much in the ministry of Vijayawada, he had been a great help there in all these years, but after he married you he is travelling in between Eluru and Vijayawada, and it is a great loss for the ministry , as he is not available there. Why don’t you resign your job and shift to Vijayawada, and help in the ministry there? “–

One of the Heads of the church (who was in-charge of Head Quarters) told me thus, as a bolt out of the blue. But I was not shocked, not even jerked a little, nor was I surprised, strangely enough, I took that advice as a oak in the storm.  learned to take things as they are; I knew everything would fall into perfect place as they should be, as my Father in Heaven is my GUIDE and my redeemer and He is in-charge of every situation in my life. I am assured that it is ‘well with my soul’ as He is with me to guide me through the Maze of my life.  Anything may come and any thing may go, no problem.

As member of this particular organization we are supposed to obey their instructions by all means. Always taking their counsel, advice and guidance in our lives. I am conditioned along with many others, to obey them out of respect, to every instruction they give us.   Though I was completely in obedience to them, first I used to first niquire the Lord, my God about the decision I should take ultimately. So quietly but firmly I answered her.

“Certainly sister, I like to take your advice, but I want to pray and find the WILL of GOD first.” I believe the right answer comes from God alone; the answer look like ‘the golden apples in a silver platter’. That answer always have their base on the Word of God. And when God puts such right answer in my mouth, I knew that God is going to take charge of the whole situation. Because I knew that the Holy Spirit will teach me at that time what I should say. Seeking His WILL , doing it at any cost”, is the anchor in the ocean of my life. I found this habit of mine is very refetching, refreshing and rejuvenating my soul all the time.“Oh, exactly Leela, you must    pray and find the WILL of GOD“, she smiled and sent me off.

Now after 45 years, I am surprised of her advice, asking me to resign my job, by involving into my personal life and matters, and financial issues, under the name of spiritual counselor. Obeying them taught me faith, though. Because I trusted God to lead me. Nevertheless, thank God, I took it as a challenge to seek the Will of God in my life, taking the GUIDANCE from that counselor. Had she not involved in my life, thus, had I  not reverence and humility to obey her, had I  not seek the Will of God ultimately; this beautiful story of My God would not had been painted on His canvas of my life. Had I taken my life as my own, taking my own decision not seeking the decision of my Saviour, this beautiful story would not had been emerged out at all, which resulted  to bring the Glory to His name.

   NEUTRAL POINT BETWEEN ‘YES & NO’

  After I left the job in Air India, as an Airhostess, which I left due to the uniform code  wherein I was insisted to put bottu, a tikka on my forehead, which was the symbol of the third eye of shiva an idol and  an arrow of manmadha , a love god of Hindu mythology.

I left that job and was seeking the will of God in choosing an employment .”I asked, & He answered” was the title of my little journal wherein I used to note down with date what all that I asked Him in one column and How and When He answered with the date in another column on the same page. This little book was recorded with the points of me asking God about a Clerk post  whether it was in His will, in the Government, He gave it to me but out of sympathy and empathy I forgo the employment to a poor boy who came to the same interview I attended  thinking that I would get another job as such; thus I lost the job as clerk, LDC a post much coveted by girls in Government  in those days; Later I prayed for the coaching I was asked to take in Civils Examination, by my father, and that too I had to forgo to take, as the Lord told me , Are you trying to get rich by seeking greater things in your life? Do not seek great things –Jeremiah 45:5 and the last thing  I was praying for a Lecturer post, knowing very well that the course I studied in my PG in Andhra University do not have any departments in colleges with Social work as a subject. My dad questioned me why I was reluctant to write as HINDU at the column Religion in application forms, so I prayed and got guidance to take baptism through the verse in Acts 15 chapter where Lydia took baptism and so was her family, and believing that if I take baptism my family too would come into the faith. I secretly took baptism without telling my dad and later informed him that thereafter I would apply to any post only as Christian but not as Hindu. On the other hand our HQ people did not allow us to write exams or attend interviews on Sundays, without a question I was obedient to them in this regard too. , Therefore I was forgoing many interviews which were called on Sundays, my dad was furious about my over religious feelings, and literally giving me great torture at home by rebukes and shouts. So in order to escape this ordeal at home I started to pray that I should not get any interviews on Sundays

In these circumstances I was called for an interview in St. Theresa’s college , Eluru . They sent a post card on which it was typed that I was called for an interview for a lecturer post in Social work department on Sunday on 1st of September 1976, but the card I got was signed by the principal with green ink as Sr. Josephine and also the Sunday was stricken and changed into 4th September,  Wednesday 1976. It was a miracle, that the day and date was changed after the card was typed. At the same moment I got promise from Joshua 1st chapter 7,8, 9 as “ Do not be afraid , do not be worried, I told you , go I will be with you wherever you stepped in”.  When I went for the interview, I was the only person called for the interview and I was given job immediately. As the person who was working in that post had to go to USA immediately as her husband got an employment only a month before and she was asked to join him immediately. There was no time to advertise, and as one of my applications reached them , they instantly called me and gave me the job. That was a miracle. But now after 8 years I was told to resign it by one of our counselors in our congregation.”

 At that juncture I considered my employment, as my ‘Isaac’ a ‘burnt offering’ on the ‘altar ‘of my faith, to  my Saviour Jesus Christ, thus gaining His peace in my life. I understood that, this peace thus I gained is not like the peace that we get from our own efforts, leaning upon our own understanding, or seeking advice from the kith and kin, or well wishers. This is something amazing and wonderful beyond human understanding. Because I get it only by standing at neutral point between ‘Yes, and No’ of life’s commitment. That is my desire and her desire. My understanding and her instruction. Here, my job was given by miraculous methods of Him, its beyond any argument but now I am supposed to resign it, therefore I should come to a neutral point in between my understanding of the issue and her piece of advice. Between me and her there is a neutral point, when I stand there I can hear His voice, as in case of Abraham, “ lay not your hand on the lad” He was in between his love for Isaac and the commandment of God, willing to yield completely at a neutral point, then God intervened and shown His will to Abraham.

I understood that, this peace thus I gained is not the peace that we get from our own efforts, leaning upon our own understanding, or seeking advice from the kith and kin, or well wishers. This is something amazing and wonderful beyond human understanding, because I get only by standing at neutral point between ‘Yes &No’ of my life’s commitment. That is, my desire and her desire. My understanding and her instruction. Here my job was given by Him without any doubt or question. It was His handiwork not by my effort or intelligence. He wanted to give it to me and He gave it to me, clearing all blocks in heavenly way. She knew the story behind, but still because she asked me to resign, I am obliging her. And I am here at the ‘neutral point ‘between my understanding of the issue, and her inclinations of such advice. Between me and her there is a ‘neutral point’—I stood on that point, on that summit, as Abraham was standing on the hill to sacrifice his only son, Isaac.  I can feel his love for Isaac, son who was given by God by His promise and his predicament to obey God’s commandment to shed the blood of his Isaac, willing to yield completely standing at the ‘neutral point’ . But God intervened and , I hear the voice, Abraham heard, there, “Abraham lay not thy hand upon the lad”!!!

 Now in that month of December 1983, just prior to her advice to resign my job; I got some remuneration by correcting the examination papers in my college where I was working. I was longing to see my little girlie in good clothes, so I went to the shop and bought half a dozen cotton frocks of my liking, my choice of color and model.

She used to wear only the frocks gifted by others, or the ones I used to stitch on sewing machine, in those days. So buying ‘ready made’ clothes was a dream. I was overwhelmed with joy while dressing up my little girlie in different colored frocks in that Christmas season. When I was told to resign the job, I quietly retreated into my quiet time with the Lord; then at that instant the very first thought pricked my heart sharply —

‘Oh, it means, we have to live on one meager salary only. Now at least now and then when I have some extra money by Spot valuation remuneration; I was able to spend something on my children and enjoy seeing them beautifully dressed up. But if I do not have my job what will happen?” a sort of fear engulfed me; and completely unbalanced me in spirit. But I resolved to pray about this. I had determined to pray and ask God about my fears, and the decision to be taken, in ‘A Set-Time and in a Set-Place’.i.e Watch Night Service.

I told my Lord God, that I will meet Him on 31st night December 1983 in Watch Night Service and seek to find His Will and His wish, with regard to this issue. I told Him I need His GUIDANCE.  But meanwhile, I was whispering my fears in my prayer to Him all through every single day and night from the minute I was instructed to resign the job. I was preparing words to pray  “Take words with you and return to the Lord..(Hosea 14:2)Taking this verse as my direction to prepare for the prayer in that appointed time and day.

It was 31st night Dec, 1983, my daughter was two years and four months old and my son 11 months old. I went to Vijayawada to attend the Watch Night Service. It was arranged in Suvarthavani hall, Br Solomon was the preacher. I went there found an corner place, at the extreme left end of the gallery hall, spread the blanket sheets, laid down my children on the blankets, my little chubby son in front of me, my cute little daughter to my right side. and I knelt down on my knees and went straight away into the presence of God. I determined to pour out my heart as Hannah did in the presence of God. I prayed, “Lord here I am. You know me, my predicament, they told me to resign my job. Lord you were the One who gave this job as you did divide the Red sea in olden times, in a miraculous way, beyond human intervention or imagination or comprehension, but, now if you want me to resign this job for the sake of your Kingdom, I WILL DO it. Surely I will resign this. You are my Father, You know me. – selah— But Lord, do you think that we can live with one salary? The few things I bought for my children also will be cut off, as it is, we are living on the basis of ‘hand to mouth’ . Do you think I can have that much of faith to carry on my life without my job? Tell me Lord, whatever you want me to do, I will do, but YOU TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TODO.’”

The TESTS God gives to us are unique, and distinctive; yes, He gave Isaac to Abraham with great promises, but He asked Abraham to offer the very son of his, as sacrifice to Him. It’s very important to us to learn to pray echoing with the prophet Job about all matters, “He gave and He took it back”— Yes, it’s terribly difficult in practice, but I experienced that, the One who asked us to give it back, by giving the test, would give us endurance and hope in Him and the strength to give it back and  to sustain till the end  and be victorious.

Now after I finished my prayer for some time as above, I believed that God heard my prayer.( Psalm 66;19 God has surely listened and has heard my prayer.”)

I knew that He heard my sincere prayer as I did pray without hiding anything from Him, a prayer wherein I want to know His will , a prayer where I put “my will” as a burnt offering. A sort of great PEACE encompassed me, This is the sign often I get, before I get an answer from God in spectacular way. So I resolved to listen to His voice as an answer for my petition then and there. (“Lead me in Your truth, and teach me. For I wait all the day.”Psalm 25:5a).

That night His message was a straight answer to me. The thirst of my soul quenched thoroughly.

It had been my wont to listen to the Word of God carefully, I gird up myself to listen to the message of that 31st December, Watch Night Service, I was in His presence. the man of God started to read from the Bible. Deuteronomy 11:12-15. Later this promise was fulfilled, in my life in a spectacular way.

The Land you are crossing the Jordan–to take possession of , Is a land of mountains and valleys, That drinks rain from heaven.

It is the land your God cares for,

The eyes of the Lord your God are continually on it From the beginning of the year to its end”

Br Solomon, the man of God was preaching on that text, he did not know that I was in that big crowd. I sat at the rear end of the hall in a corner, nor he did know my predicament, or the question in my heart. His message was carried on more or less like this,“Are you afraid to obey to the call of God? Are you afraid to serve Him . Do not be afraid, there would be great difficulties like the mountains, and also joys like the valleys, but you will drink the rain of heaven, you will have plenty of work in His vineyard, God will take care of you all through this new year as you are entering into it from the beginning of this year to the end of this year.”

I do remember not much more than that, but I was Looking into my Book and reading those verses.

  • The Land I am going to cross, and the river, Jordan. It’s a river of Test, a symbol of my decision, to swim across into great test of faith. Need to take a bold step forward and into an unknown challenging future. It’s like a decision to CROSS A RIVER in my life, its my JORDAN –( I remembered the river Krishna in Vijayawada in those days when we travel to Vijayawada from Eluru in bus, it used to go to old bus stand, crossing the rivulets of Krishna )
  • It’s the land of mountains and valleys, I presumed many financial mountains to be

climbed and many sweet valleys of joys in this place. ( Vijayawada is the land with magnificent hills and hillocks and plains, not Eluru certainly! . Besides not even one hill or hillock is in it. )

3) And It drinks the rain of the heaven,( oh here in Vijayawada, the word of God is plenty; we will have Youth meetings, Sunday school meetings, evangelists from HQ come on every Sunday, but not in Eluru definitely)

  • God cares this place, My mind was settled, very well, now I knew God wants me to come to Vijayawada. I closed my eyes and yielded to Him at that very moment. “Thine will be done ,even so, my Lord, My God” –“Even so, Father for so it seemed good in they sight”. Matthew 11:26 And then I looked at the last part of the verse.
  • His eyes shall be on it from the beginning of the year to the end, and at that juncture, all in a sudden God’s voice shouted in my head, like this:“Yes you need to come to this land for ONE YEAR” “What? How Lord? ” was my next question, the answer was vivid , clear and sharp and to the point. Apply one year leave, Yes, LOSS OF PAY-LEAVE for ONE selah—–

The solution is from the Lord, its perfect way of dealing with the question of my shifting to Vijayawada. The solutions of the Lord comprises of His Great Peace . Oh that peace , I cannot describe it , its His peace, not the peace of this world, this peace is full of wisdom, I enjoyed that peace in my heart, I have the answer. I will obey Him now, the next step He will lead me later. I knew that God leads me step by step, always one step at a time.

WALKING IN THE WHITE CLOUDS

I stayed back In Vijayawada Satynnarayanapuram railway quarters, for those Christmas holidays, How I enjoyed His presence is beyond my words to describe. I lived that vacation as if I was in a dream, a dream where I flew on the white clouds in the blue sky

 [At the age of 4 years I used to dream that I was playing with, walking on, and even eating the white clouds, at times. One time my dad called a worker who makes the cotton in the mattresses fluffy by spinning the cotton, by his spindle, a slender rounded rod with tapered ends used in hand sinning to twist and wind a mass of cotton or wool or flax held on a distaff. We used to call him ‘dhoodhiekulavadu’ .{Cotton Spinning person} So one day he started to work in our corridor, repairing the cotton from our old mattresses. I was sitting in a big chair a little apart from him and observing him very keenly, the cotton was becoming white and fluffy and very soft in his hands, seeing my keen observation and curiosity he must have suspected the mischievous thoughts of mine, which I myself did not know then. Why he warned me thrice not to touch the cotton and spoil it as he was about to go for lunch? He told me that he would come back within half an hour and asked me not to touch the cotton, and if I touch it or play with it, the cotton would become solid again and would be spoiled and it would become ugly to look at, and all his toil of that morning would be wasted. You see I still remember what he told me that afternoon in that corridor. But as soon as he left the premises, I jumped on the heap of cotton, rolled on it and enjoyed the feel of it, to my heart’s content, imagining that I was floating in the sky among white clouds. Though all that flakes of cotton stuck to my face, legs and hands and my dress and made me look like buffoon. After he came he murmured so much and mother scolded me. But that soft heavenly experience I never could forget.}That was a funny incident, though, I still remember how cute it was to walk on the cloud.Now I experience sometimes the same way, I feel as if I was walking in clouds and floating on them, along with my God. This I feel when He gives me a promise and tells me His will.

 GOD PAVES THE WAY;

Our college reopened on 16th of January 1984. On 16th I reached college much earlier as if some unforeseen force pushing me since that morning; I was literally forced in my mind to go earlier, may be forty five minutes before anybody entered into the premises of  the college. As soon as I entered into the college campus through the main gate, I saw Sister Winifred, our Principal just two yards away from me, walking from her convent turning towards to the college building. She had the most beautiful smile in the world for me that morning and I smiled at her, wished her” Happy new year, and very good morning”, She in turn wished me. I reached her and immediately after a few steps of walk together, I blurted out, “Sister, I want to talk to you one important thing”. There wasn’t any fumbling of words. The timing and the place to meet my principal was perfectly designed by Him already. She smiled brightly, that flashing smile –She was the  Principal who had such guileless sweet smile on her face, surely I can say that. She said,“Oh yes, Miss , come on into my chamber” and while walking beside her I reached her room .My mind was blank, because I did not prepare any words to talk. Since that 31st night till that minute I was literally in clouds. I did not premeditate any appropriate words to say about my request for the leave on loss of pay. I just wanted to ask for the leave on loss of pay for One Year, that is all, nothing else was in my mind. Because I already knew that she would give me that leave as I was asking according to His word.

I entered into her room along with her and sat in the chair she offered thanking her. “Sister I want to apply one year leave on loss of pay” — There was no introduction, nor any other commitments of prep talk for this request. It was straight from my heart as my Lord guided me. Her answer too was more astonishing and instant, because she said,“Yes Miss, Will you take it from the end of this academic year?” –“Yes, sister”–That’s it!!—- The next thing I remembered is , I left the room , in silence having the joy of heaven One thing with our sister Winifred or past Principal Sr. Josephine was, when they say, ‘YES” it is ‘Yes’, always, no turning back, I believe that particular morning she was led by God to come at that hour of the day, before anybody arrived to college, leading her to do the errand He prescribed to her. As it is this particular sister is the most God-fearing woman, she obeyed the order of God immediately. That British discipline and etiquette, integrity, nobility, decency, fairness we had in her regime. Those were the golden days of college life that we enjoyed during her tenure as Principal. She gave me leave on loss of pay from March 31st of that year, and she immediately left for higher studies, to Mangalore. I heard later she lamented about the way she had granted leave to me. Because many other lecturers persisted the in-charge Principal Sr.Vincenza, another sweet soul, to grant leave to them too as I was given, so Sr Vincenza was informing Sr. Winifred and telling her about those requests. Later Sr. Vicenza told me that Sister Winifred was so frustrated and said to her,——-Oh why I said, ‘YES” to Miss Leelavathi to her request that day, I do not know” When God Himself granted that one year leave to me in Suvarthavani hall on the watch night service, every piece of puzzle fall in its beautiful place. Without seeking Prince of Peace how can anyone get peace in life? There is no peace to ungodly. They quarrel, strive, fight, and shout for Peace but it is beyond their reach because they never seek it.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”–Jeremiah 29:11“If God be our counselor, He will give us peace in trouble. When there is a storm without, He will make peace within. The world can create trouble in peace, but God can create peace in trouble.” –Thomas Watson

Penguin in A Burrow

My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I recite my verses for the King; my tongue is the pen of a skilled writer.”Psalm 45:1

     I saw Lilliput Penguins coming out in the evenings, after their day’s long expedition in the vast and deep Saint Kilda Sea, Melbourne, and on the beaches of Phillip Island , hiding themselves in the burrows of the rocks in the darkness from the unknown dangers of the nights from the wild animals ashore. They take night’s rest in those burrows after the toil of the day and  from the chilly storms of the darkest night. When I was keenly observing them in that shivering climate I saw awesome discipline among themselves, coming in groups from the waves of the sea, hiding themselves and waiting for others to come ashore to hide patiently till all reached safely.  I felt the warmth and closeness of my Savior and His amazing protection from the malice and envious remarks of people in and around.  At such times I don’t hesitate to shout aloud and sing the victorious song “My God is my Rock, He hides me in His Rock, He alone is my Rock, my fortress, I will not be shaken.”Psalm 62

Yes, with light luggage, and much lighter hearts we shifted to Vijayawada in the month of April The promise of God was my forte, my anchor and my strength. Once I got His promise in the decisions of my life, I walk in the 9th cloud and nothing can dwindle my strong foot, I feel like I am in rock burrow protected on all sides. Yes, when I do anything basing on His word, it would be the safest place for me, and it would give me security, it is the linchpin of my life.

My husband’s faith was like Isaac’s, more passive. Isaac’s faith was unlike his father Abraham’s, whose faith was very active. My husband was covert type, his walk with God was, more of exemplary and inexpressive, impressive, and undaunted, by just trusting Him like a tree

rooted on the banks of the river of His will and in His word. He blossom like the ‘dew on lotus’, take ‘root as the cedars’ of Lebanon. His faith was trusting Him and walking with Him.– Unlike mine, mine is demanding, questioning, and getting His assurance at every turn of life. Therefore, our married life in the Lord was a balanced and cohesive one.

Jesus told us, The one who listen to My word and do accordingly would be like the one who built his house on the rock, there was storm and wind, but the house was standing still because its foundation was on the Rock’. Matthew 7:24

After we left Eluru we shifted to the  Railway quarters of Satyanarayanapuram, Vijayawada . The life was very cozy, very comfortable ever since; comparing to all those previous years of my married life since 1979. I had all the time in the world. I was afraid about money matters, but God blessed us so much, we could save every pie in every way possible ; strangely enough our meager money was blessed by my God and my husband bought a scooter for him, and also a small site in Manglagiri along with his colleagues in his office.

I started to take Sunday school in my little hall to the kids of that area and became very active in church work among young girls and women meetings. No grumbling or worrying over leaving the best job in Eluru. Being in perfect will of God is living in peace in this life. In the Christmas story of the gospel according Luke, a beautiful verse (2:14) often challenges me,” Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace among those with whom He pleased”

 GOD PREPLANS FOR US:

During these days after a few months in the same year strangely in the month of October, 1984; the most unexpected way I saw an advertisement in The Indian Express, an English News paper, the advertisement was for a Field Supervisor in Maris Stella college,in Social work Department, Vijayawada . The advertisement was in small corner of the paper occupying only three or four lines, in classified section. If I did not see that advertisement the incidents that took place in this story of my life, would be quiet unchallenging. As I already mentioned, once we gird up to do the will of God according to His word, everything will be arranged in perfect pattern in life.

I told my husband about this, and I went to meet Sister Subramanyam, Principal of the college. She was very much impressed with me, and told me that I can come and join the faculty immediately. I told her that my name was still on the roll of the staff register St. Theresa college, Eluru;, and that I was seeking for a job in Vijayawada.

She appreciated my fairness and asked me to come to college and take classes, any way, for which I accepted to work on voluntary basis. She entrusted three or four Moral science classes numbering 150 students, beside Field Supervisor post. She used to come and check the classes how were they going on, I found later that she was very much pleased with me classes I was working voluntarily without any salary, College bus used to pick me up at my residence therefore the life was more cozier than in Eluru.

I think my God had given me a taste of beautiful life if I chose to work in Vijayawada leaving my job in Eluru.

I worked for a few months. The time has come to choose the college where I should work. The question was whether to choose Vijayawada or go back to Eluru. God told me to come here for only one year for sure. Strangely enough, now the Lecturer/ /Field supervisor post was opened for me in this place too.

Sister Subramanyam created the Lecturer post for me, terminating the contract post of a lecturer as the principal was not pleased with her performance. She was informed about her termination in the beginning of her appointment that her post was not permanent  Therefore a clear vacancy of the Lecturer post was created for me.

When God intends to give training to us to do His will, He brings many situations to choose; many tests to face in our lives. He opens Heavenly Manna to us every day and tells us not to gather it on Sabbath. It looks like we have a blessing on one side and choosing and obeying His Will on the other side.

Sr. Principal requested me to come and join in Maris Stella. Look, I have a post and I can join in it. But the management from the college in Eluru also insisting me to come and join in my own post immediately, and they asked me to inform them whether I would come or not by the end of that academic year. That is by March 31st of 1985. Both Principals want me to come to a decision immediately and inform them.

Did I ever thought I would gain job in Vijayawada college? If I did not see that small advertisement in Indian Express about the post of Field Supervisor in Maris Stella College that day, I would not had applied and entered into Maris Stella. God had given me a chance to opt for working in Vijayawada too.

It was His doing, not human interference. Now I need to choose one. This or that.

First of all the HQ of the church organization wanted me to resign my job in Eluru, they do not want me to work at all, by all means, they wanted us to stay in Vijayawada .that was their intention when they told me to resign my job in Eluru.

Any way when they come to know that I already got a chance to work in this place too I thought that they may want me not to work in Eluru but in Vijayawada surely. Still I do not know whether they would allow me to work at all.

Now I need to choose to work or not to work, if I am allowed to work where to work. After tasting the leisurely life for one whole academic year and enjoying at home I wondered whether I should work at all or not.—

Meanwhile I had a hint from the local evangelists that I need not work at all.

Therefore I decided to take everything to my Lord and seek His advice.

Is He not the Great Counselor? Why I ever should be confused at all? I see only a small part of whole big colorful design of the Big Picture of God. My Designer of my life. He sees my life as it is, the past, the present, the future of mine. Therefore I wanted to get the Super Advice from my Lord. I set apart some days for fasting and praying. That was from January 1st, 1985 whole day I was on meager food and drink and nights no food except some coffee, I set those nights for prayer and to seek His will. The Lord told me that His eye is on me for this year from the beginning to the end, and told me to apply loss of leave. Now from Dec 31st,(1983) to Dec 31st(1984) one year over. But I applied leave from March 31st,(1984) My decision should be given by March 31st 1985–Any way ONE solid year of God’s promise fulfilled here in this particular situation of my life. Isaiah 32: Lord you are my hiding place from the windand storms of life.

I wrote 4 questions on the back page of my Bible. I sat in His presence.. wrote the questions after my supplications and prayers. The gist of prayer was written on the back page of my Bible into 4 questions. 1)      Lord, Should I work or not? Is it YOUR WILL for me to continue to work or not?

2)   Lord If you want me to work, where should I work? In Vijayawada? Or Eluru; In Maris Stella? Or St. Theresa’s college?

  • Lord, If you want me not to work, can I sustain the same faith as of now? In spite of any unforeseen financial problems I may have to face?
  • Lord, If you want me to work, Please provide me a HELP to carry on the responsibilities of my little children.

St.Paul said,” I will pray in Spirit and I will pray in my understanding.”–1 Corinthians 14:13. In what sense he said, I do not know, but I often experience, I pray something, which I never thought to pray or do not know how to pray or what to pray, in such a way beyond my own understanding. Even sometimes I found my own answers I give in the times of great confused incidents, were beyond my knowledge or wisdom or understanding. They come from above, and those were precise and accurate and transparent and to the point. Only the Spirit of God helped me many times what to pray. Sometimes I give chance to people to misunderstand me for certain decisions I take at the last moment. It looks like I am confused or did not take decision properly, but I knew I look like that because I listened to Him. Many times the decisions taken by the Heroes of Faith in the Bible were not understood by many of their day. But they did it

According to the directions they got from the Lord. The Holy Spirit prays, on behalf of us: Romans 8:26 The Holy Spirit intercedes with sighs, the Spirit helps using our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express .Therefore Four questions I wrote on the back page of my Bible and started to pray, seeking His guidance.

I started to pray one question after the other, all questions one by one were answered from above.

Did you see the hand of God?

How come a clear vacancy was created for me in Maris Stella in that year?

How come Sister Principal of that College and also Sr. Vincenza the Principal in charge of St. Theresa’s college, both would ask me to give answer whether I will come and join the post? If I did not get the opening in Maris Stella I would not have prayed to choose one , that lapse a great step of faith in my life.

Do you think its just coincidence?

Do you think these things happen in our lives just accidentally?

No, God has a design and a plan for me, for you, we are supposed to take time to know about it at His feet. God answered all the questions, also gave me call for His ministry and a guidance to buy a house to live and a place for His worship and the future plan for my life in ONE CHAPTER of the Holy Book. During my fasting prayers in that month January 1985.which were fulfilled in amazing way according to His will.

Hiding in the Rock of Ages and enjoying His bountiful blessings, is like a dream of colorful Rainbow. For others who read my life, it looks like a unbelievable story.

There are many Human Rights Activists, Agnostics, Atheists, who do not believe the True Loving and Living Father God. They try to give explanation for these happenings, they even talk

of the Power of Positive mind, but I tell you, I do not know these foolish arguments nor I am an expert of these methods, but one thing I have, that is, my Loving and Living God who answers us if we pray. in ordinary language and His answer extend to the safety of our future life. We may take wise decision in present situation basing upon the present understanding. But gives His SUPER ADVISE comprising the past , present and future life of ours.

Elijah was a man just like us, with the same disposition, he prayed that there would not be rain in that sinful land, for three years, and there was no rain. Later he prayed again, and there was rain. This sentence from the letter of James is a great encouragement. We too can pray and see the miracles in our lives. ” He will hide me in the shelter of His Tabernacle and set me high upon a Rock. Ps 27:5“He is the ROCK, His works are perfect, and all his ways are just.” Deuteronomy 32:3b

When we know the love of christ, and if we love Him as the woman poured the perfume on His feet, we would not be afraid to go to Him to seek His advice,Where there is love there is no fear. Where there is no fear, Love lives there. Loves teaches everything and trusts everything”

Asking God As A Child Asks!!

” I will stand at my watch and station myself on the ramparts: I will look to see what He will say to me and how He will answer my complaint” ——Habakkuk 2:1

The four questions changed the pattern of my life till now. Remember those questions were asked in the year 1985. Basing on that prayer and the promise, God had given and guided. I found a few important landmarks in my life– When I asked God about my future program, He answered me

(1). in 1985(about my job, and the call for the Ministry)(2). In 1986(HELP) and(3). In 1991 again (HELP), and(4). In 1994 House) and(5). in 1997 (Prayer House) basing upon the same promise given at that situation.

The promises of God are abundant, and amazing, if we have faith as of the size of a mustard seed, even the mountains can be moved out of our way. The Lord, who takes time to talk to us, is faithful one. He is interested even in our trivial matters. He is God of this BIG universe with all its stars, milky ways, planets and oceans, and He is also God of small matters as of my life matters such as; ‘ Should I work or not, where to work, here or there’, etc etc. Isn’t it wonderful thing to walk with Him?–  I was told that the D-Box motion cinema seats pitch us forward and backward ; side to side and up and down in sync with the action depicted on the screen. It is more thrilling than 3D movie. Walking with Jesus give us similar thrill. It gives thrill to real life adventure. We feel the same thrill in life when we walk with Him as He Guides us in every important decision.

Yes, of course, He takes time to answer us, if only we take time to talk to Him about our every need.

I had FOUR questions with regard to my issue, and  He guided me and answered me  all those FOUR QUESTIONS, and also taught me how to gain more, by teaching  me to claim the same promises in that chapter  for the questions of my life, in my future.

God’s children often remind God of His promises, and claim the promise He made to them again and again in different situations of life. This I learned from the prayers of King David. His Psalms were my guidelines to pray. God was reminded again and again about the promises that  HE gave in one time, but His people remind Him of His promises and request Him to fulfill them again and again depending upon the circumstances.

At this time in my life’s crucial moment, God answered me in wonderful way through HIS WORD.  As we pray in our life, as we seek His mind, His advice in different situations of our lives, sometimes, the HOLY SPIRIT reminds us the promise we already gained and helps us the depths of that promise and helps us to claim it again in different situations of life. It is so very beautiful and it is true, He tells us only what He learned from the Father God.   He guides us to recollect the promise we had from God in the past, to reclaim in different situation.

It does not mean that He has forgotten His promises. It is we, who do not know how to use the promise given to us and sometimes  forget His promises, so we should remind ourselves by praying again and again claiming the same promise some times; which look like that we are reminding Him about His own promise.

An analogy here explains this well. “ Once I saw my little daughter was standing at the door of the kitchen and asking her grand ma to give her some nuts to eat,  she asked her once  and as grandma was opening the tin to give the nuts, the tone and velocity of the requesting for nuts increased  to it high pitch,  ‘Nuts, nuts, nuts, nuts ‘ my little girl’s tone was so anxious and fast as her little palm stretched out for nuts. She could not perceive her grandma was about that errand only by opening the lid of the tin and trying to get a plat to pour those nuts to give to her. But this little girl does not have patience or understanding of what her grandma was doing, therefore she was repeating again and again non stopping raising her voice and increasing the frequency and velocity of the speed. How many times we too are like this little girl of mine. We ask God and again and again we ask Him to do it, we are not satisfied once He fulfilled it, we again want something or the same thing in different situation, we will remember Him that He would do what we needed.

A child was promised by her father that he would buy a chocolate, so the child would ask his father again and again, “Dad, you promised me a chocolate.” It’s not the father who forgot his promise, but the child asks her dad for the chocolate again and again. It shows that the child is leaning on his dad for her need, not striving to achieve the chocolate by other means, like asking someone else, or stealing it, or earning it by herself, or begging others for it. The child’s trust is in her dad, she is asking him alone for the chocolate, because she is a child and she has faith in her dad, not in other means and ways.

In my childhood about 4 years of age, I asked my dad for one pen, he said,  “Why only one pen? I will give you pens of  a load of Lorry.” that day I seated myself at the gate of our house on a  curve of  small gate within the big gate  and waited for the truck  whichever comes and goes in our street. I even refused to go inside to eat or drink, when my mom called me, I told her I was waiting for the Truck, I posted myself on that curve of the small wicket gate, and I was waiting for pens of that load of truck. In the evening when my dad came I ran to him at once and I asked him about the pens very anxiously, he might had been very much surprised a lot , and of course I do not remember what he said, but afterwards I never had the dearth of pens in our home. He used to give me the best pens. In those days, having a pen was a luxury, that too Parker pen in my school days, he bought a wrist watch for me even when I was in 6th class(1960’s) when he saw my fondness for it. If such was the love of earthly father, how much more the heavenly Father’s love and concern for us!!

The only important thing in faith is, whether we leaned upon Him, upon His word remembering it, reminding it in our hearts and in prayer. Jesus told us” Have faith like little children; unless you change like a little child, unless you are as humble as a little child, you will not enter into the kingdom of God.” — Many of us, pray for our need, but often we keep faith in our own efforts, or in the recommendations of others, or in the money that we have in the bank or in the purse of ours or others .

It means we have already chalked out our own plan of solution, Plan A , Plan B–and as a habit we pray to Him as a parrot; but already there was a pre-planned solution, even before asking His plan. It’s already sits there in mind to be administered. That is not FAITH. Faith means Trusting God that He would do it, not by human intervention. “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”–Heb 11:1

 

  Faith is trusting the Father God in real sense, fully depending upon His might and compassion. Read the prayer of David, in 2 Sam 7:18-29–—“Then King David went in and sat before the Lord, and he said,

This is very important, we may think we can pray any way anywhere and anytime, it may be right, but when we really need specific answer from our Father God, we need to go into the presence of God and sit before Him as David did.

 

1.You have spoken about the future of the house of your servant.

    2.for the sake of your Word,

  1. and according to your will and keep forever your promise, do as you promised v.25–

 

  1. You have revealed this … You said you will build a house for you.v 27– 5.You have promised these good things,v.28

 

  1. For YOU Sovereign Lord, have spoken….v.29

 

 

It was God’s Great Promise—-The Lord’s promise to establish “David’s throne forever” suggested that Israel would never lack the leadership they needed. This promise was one of the series of Covenants between God and his people- with Abraham (Genesis 12) with Moses at Sinai (Exodus 20) and now with David. The New Testament sees this promise being fulfilled in Jesus, The Son of David, and King of kings forever and ever. (Luke 1:32–33) David was reminding God about His promises; he was begging God to fulfill those promises in his life.

 

My eyes are welled up with tears, to remember the faithfulness of God. Yes, when God says, YES, it is YES all ways,( for all God’s promises are fulfilled in Christ with Resounding YES, and in Christ, and so through him the AMEN( which means Yes)is spoken by us to the glory of God.(“2 Cor 1:20)

 

 

How many times we claim that promise, when and how we claim that promise depends upon our need, our prayer our relationship with God, It is up to us ! When we seek the assistance of Holy Spirit in our prayer, He will pray on our behalf, just according to His will and His word. We will know that we have prayed according to His will and that He would answer certainly. Also we will know how God would fulfill His promises again and again when we claim those promises as when and where life’s problems need their solutions.

 

I set apart certain days for fasting and prayer. Fasting for me means setting time and days to dwell my spirit only on that particular query to seek the answer from God. Whether I ate or not was not the question, but though its needed sometimes , but not to hover over mundane things, but to constrain myself from general things and keeping that time in the presence of God. As He told me previously that His eye will be on us from the beginning of the year to the end of the year. —-I posted myself into His presence to enquire of Him about my future and decision to be taken.

Yes as we pray we must believe that God hears us, if we do not believe that we will not get answer for that –anyone who comes to God must believe that He is there , its simple condition !!!

“If you believe in prayer at all, expect God to hear you. If you do not expect, you will not have. God will not hear you unless you believe He will hear you; but if you believe He will, He will be as good as your faith”–Charles Spurgeon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4 Queries- Answered

 

 

 

 

Do not be afraid Daniel ! since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God , Your words were heard, and I have come in response to them. But prince of persian kingdom (Satan) resisted me…..Then

 

Michael , of the chief princes, came to help me, because I was detained there ….” Daniel

 

10:12,13

 

 

I sat in His presence.. after my intensive supplications and prayers, the gist of prayer was written in 4 questions.

 

 

And I need to take a decision in that month so that, I could answer my authorities. Therefore I

 

sought for the presence of God , in prayer and supplications. As the days to give my acceptance

 

to join in one of the two colleges are approaching fast, I thought I better to start prayer from

 

January for the next academic year.

 

The first question was like this.

 

1)    Lord, Should I work or not? Is it YOUR WILL for me to continue to work?

 

“Lord tell me, should I work or not, your servants told me to resign the job, but you told me to apply leave for one year as ‘leave on loss of pay’. Soon the days would come to an end. Tell me, should I work or not. As I was keeping on asking Him in prayer; within the first few days, I got the answer for the first question in Philippians 4:6, 7 which guided me aptly. “Do not be anxious about any thing but in every situation,by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. and the peace of God which transcends, all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. I took this as an advise from my Lord and keep on praying as I intended to seek His counselling. Then His voice echoed in my heart.After a few days of prayers, and supplications, suddenly all my anxiety vanished, and I found that the Lord was leading me to go on with second question of mine in prayer. Taking this sign from Him I was assured that I was going to work, certainly. With that assurance I started to pray about my second question.

 

 

  • Lord If you want me to work, where should I work? In Vijayawada? Or Eluru? In Maris Stella? Or St. Theresa’s college?

 

 

The Peace of God which transcends , all understanding, which guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus encompassed me.

 

I continued my prayer anxiously, because everyone had some piece of advice for me, whom to believe, whom not to believe, each one has their own reasons to convince me of their view, of course with good intentions only; some were telling me to resign the job in Eluru and settle here in Vijayawada, some were advising me not to do so.

 

Whatever, the question of doing job, was properly answered by my Good Shepherd, and so the next come next question. Believing that ” Seeking His will never put us in shame.” I picked up my Book to look into the last page , and put my finger on the second question. 2. Should I work in Eluru, or in Vijayawada?

 

 

I was praying for the answer , no answer for me. But I waited in the presence of God, till He answer me. It was January 13th night, I was alone in my front room, on a mat, with my Bible and prayer book, and songs book. knelt and prayed, only one question thumping out in my heart. “Lord tell me where to work. I want to know your clear guidance. You tell me what to do, what to choose, you know the best for me, I want your best, Lord, not my thoughts, nor the thoughts of any one, You decide my future. I trust in Thee Lord. You talk to me.”

 

 

It was 12:05 in the mid night, I was led by the Lord to read that day daily portion from the Bible, I was reading Numbers, 30th chapter, next 31st chapter, then I came to 32nd chapter, the verses were going on like this. I dare not miss one sentence there,(Search the book of the LORD, and see what he will do.Isaiah 34:16)

 

I quote only a few lines here to high lighten the message from God to me. The children of Gad and children of Reuben came and spoke to Moses, to Eleazar the priest, and to the leaders of the congregation, saying. “if we have found favor in your sight, let this land be given to your servants as a possession. Do not take us over the Jordan”——“ Do not make us cross the Jordan” See the verse 4th, last part of it.

 

 

My eyes widen up on seeing this sentence. Then I remembered the promise God has given on that watch Night service 1983, Deuteronomy 11 chapter, 11 to 13. Go from here and “cross the river Jordan,” to the place with mountains, and valleys “The Land you go,you have to cross the Jordan,”

 

 

Crossing the Jordan, important word for me; Because on that Watch night service of 31st December, God told me ” Not to be afraid to cross the River to go to the land –he asked me to go, He told me that land is full of mountains and valleys, to go to that land I had to cross the river .Therefore I crossed the river of test and (Krishna river was in Vijayawada) I went there . Now these two tribes in Numbers 32 chapter i.,e. children of Reuben and children of Gad are saying now, Do not make us cross the Jordan” 5v

 

God told me to CROSS The RIVER, but now these people were asking Moses that they would not CROSS the Jordan, the River.

 

 

I understood that I need to go back to Eluru. I was in the shoes of these children of Reuben and Gad, they were in front of Moses and I was in front of God.

 

But Moses was annoyed and scolded them severely, And Moses said to the children of Gad and to the children of Reuben “Shall your brethren go to war while you sit here?

 

7 )Now why will you discourage the heart of the children of Israel from going over into the land which the Lord has given them?

 

8) Thus your fathers did when I sent them away from kadesh Barnea to see the land.

 

9.) For when they went up to the valley of Eshcol and saw the land, they discouraged the heart of the children of Israel, so that they did not go into the land which the Lord had given them.

 

10.) Thus your fathers did when I sent them away from Kadesh Barnea to see the

 

land. For when they went up to the Valley of Eshcol and saw the land, they discouraged the heart of the children of Israel, so that they did not go into the land which the Lord had given them.

 

10). So the Lord’s anger was aroused on that day, and He swore an oath, saying

 

11 ).Surely none of the men who came up from egypt, from twenty years old and above, shall see the land of which I swore to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, because they have not wholly followed me , except Calev the son of Jephnneth, the kenizite, and Joshua the son of

 

 

Nun, for they have wholly followed the Lord. So the Lord’s anger was aroused against Israel, and He made them wander in the wilderness forty years, until all the generation that had done evil in the sight of the Lord was gone. and look! you have risen in your father’s lace , a brood of sinful men, to increase still more the fierce anger of the Lord against Israel. for if your turn away from following Him, He will once again leave them in the wilderness and destroy all these people.—– brood of sinners, you are discouraging —- The wrath of Moses, as we knew, did not spare them a bit.

 

 

My heart sunk into the depths of the earth, I dare not to lift up my eyes unto the Lord, after a few minutes I picked up courage to read the next few verses, with great fear in my heart to face whatever I have to face. I set my heart to listen to God to know His verdict, whatever.

 

To my great surprise, the children of Reuben and the children of Gad were undaunted, persuasive; they were not cowards, they were still pleading Moses in verse 16 to 19th verses.16v.

 

 

Then they came near to him and said: “We will build sheepfolds here for our livestock, and cities for our little one, 17 but we ourselves will be armed, ready to go before the children of Israel until we have brought them to their place; and our little one will dwell in the fortified cities because of the inhabitants of the land. 18. We will not return to our homes until every one of the children of Israel has received hi inheritance. 19 for we will not inherit with them on the other side of the Jordan and beyond.

 

What were they saying,

 

 

We will build pens for our livestock and cities for our women and children.

 

We do not not mean that we do not do the work of God, we are ready to arm ourselves and go ahead … meanwhile our women and children will live in fortified cities, for protection from the inhabitants of the land.

 

 

We will not go or claim anything on the other side of the Jordan , but we will have inheritance to the East side of the Jordan.

 

 

Oh yes, East side of Jordan, I visualised Eluru exactly to the East of Vijayawada.. my heart was pounding louder and louder, what would Moses say now..? What will be the answer about their request?

 

Anxiously I proceeded further to read the rest of the chapter.

 

 

Strangely enough Moses was telling them like this,20. Then Moses said to them, If you do this thing, if you arm yourselves before the Lord for the war, 21 v. and all your armed men cross over the Jordan before the Lord until He has driven out His enemies from before Him 22 and then when the land is subdued before the Lord,

 

You may return then afterward you may return and be blameless before Him . And this land shall be your possession before the Lord.

 

But if you do not do so, then take note you have sinned against the Lord; and be sure your sin will find you out.

 

24 Build cities for your little ones and folds for your sheep, and do what has proceeded out of your mouth

 

 

If you will do this–If you will arm yourselves for the battle, armed over the Jordan, You are free from your obligation to the Lord.

 

 

( Now I know even though we go to Eluru, we are supposed to do the work of God both in Vijayawada and in Eluru, I should be concerned of the ministry there and a helping hand to the evangelist Eluru. and he should help in the ministry of Vijaywada as we were ordered by HQ

 

“Was this a CALL for us to work in His ministry?”

 

Moses was telling them still If you will arm yourselves for the battle, armed over the Jordan you are free from your obligation to the Lord”–If you do not, you will be sinning against the Lord, your sin will find you out.

 

 

All right? Build cities for your women and children and pens(backyards)for your flocks , but do what you have promised.”

 

 

25.And the children of Gad and the children of Reuben spoke to ‘Moses, saying: Your servants will do as my Lord commands. 26: Our little ones, our wives, our flocks, and all our livestock will be there in the cities of Gilead, ( therefore me, and children go back to Eluru and stay there, and work there in His vineyard, and my husband as usual come to Vijayawada and help in the ministry there.)27: but we your servants will cross over, every man armed for war, before the Lord to the battle, just as my Lord says. 28: Moses gave command concerning them to Eleazar the priest, to Joshua the son of Nun, and to the chief fathers of the tribes of the children of Israel.

 

 

We will cross over armed before the Lord into the land of Canaan, but the possession of our inheritance shall remain with us on this side of the Jordan

 

Moses gave permission to them to stay back in the place and need not come over the river crossing it I got clear guidance .Now I understood why God told me to apply for One Year Loss of Pay Leave and obey the HQ to stay for one year, in Vijayawada.

 

I sighed loudly to my heart’s content. I prostrated on my face in His presence for long time. Now I know God’s mind in my case. I need to go back to Eluru. That middle of the night I still continued my Bible Study, still I went further, of that wonderful chapter, Previously I never did give much heed to these words, except this verse,Your sin will find you out–in Sunday messages or children retreats, or Revival meetings. I never gave much importance to this big story connected to this verse. – I read this chapter a number of times before but never it was so VIVID and clear to my vision. In the next verses they said again to Moses,

 

 

We, your servants will do as our lord commands, Our children and wives, our folks and herds will remain here in the cities of Gilead.”

 

 

NOW I knew we were going back to Eluru, very clearly and I was going to join my job in St.

 

Theresa’s college.  My children would live in fortified cities of the land, St, Theresa’s school is

 

a fortified safe place for my children to study. I am going to join my children in the school, and I

 

work in the same premises , in the college.  I knew this. So with lighter heart, I retired to the

 

bed and got up from my bed with a song in my heart Praising God.

 

As usual I was busy in the kitchen, hot water boiling for drinking purpose as well for baths, on Railway coal, which was cheaper and for lesser price. It was a great tedious work for me. I prepared breakfast and sent him to the office and after rendering my daily chore with my little

 

 

children ; Once again I sat down with my Bible to read the same chapter again and again. As I was reading it, I found the message was more vivid and more clear.

 

  • Lord, If you want me not to work , can I sustain the same faith as of now? Assure me that I would not lose my faith in any unforeseen problems I may have to face in future

 

About the 3rd question about FAITH with no salary is proved excellent for the past year in Vijayawada, that experience gave me confidence that I should not depend on my own resources but on His resources. whether my own resources available or not, if His blessing is upon the resources, I could live peaceful life and I would not lack any thing. The Lord is my Shepherd and I shall lack nothing, was practically proved.The The question of Faith to lead life was tested and passed through the fire of that past year only with one salary. He tested our faith He walked with us until we came out victoriously. That experience helped me in other situations, later where I need to save money and go for only minimum needs.

 

Next I thought if God is telling me to go back what about the children of God from HQ’would say? Shouldn’t they also tell me to go back? /28.so Moses gave command concerning them to Eleazar, to Joshua, and the chief fathers..”

 

 

Claiming that promise I waited upon the Lord, and I felt my God would command them and tell them what to tell me. So I prayed about this and went to do other mundane things and to prepare lunch with extra love for my husband and the family.

 

 

When my husband came for lunch that afternoon, while he was eating the food, he said, Leela I wonder where we will be next year” You see we were enjoying our stay here in Vijayawada, though we did not have much money. And God created a lecturer post for me even in this place. We had peace and joy in home. Life is not that bad, and in fact it is more cosier than in Eluru, having own house in Railway quarters, without any rent, there is Railway school for children near by, the College bus could pick up me to Maris Stella College, and I need not hurriedly prepare food in the morning, as my husband could go to office leisurely and come to lunch , and he had good bunch of friends in the church in this place, life is very comfortable than in Eluru to be true. But strangely enough even he was led to go back to Eluru and he likes to go back to Eluru. both of us were a bit anxious about our settlement common. When he expressed his doubt like that, I thought in my mind, Where we would be? Certainly in Eluruand I blurted it out half loudly too. He was astonished and looked up at me,and smiled happily.

 

 

 

But some wonderful thing happened then, there before he finished his meal, the postman was there at the door, I got a postcard from the same sister who asked me to resign the job. Could any one imagine what was in it? I myself took the card with much known expectations.. and it was amazing to read it that afternoon.

 

I ran to my sweet husband and almost hugged him with shouts of joy, “Hubby look look what is in it? I read the contents loudly showing the card to him too, “Leela, i talked about you to my amma, and my brother,both wanted me to tell you that you should go back to Eluru and join in St. Theresa’s College. ” –Is n’t it straight answer from my Lord God, from Heaven to me? Yes it is indeed !

 

.4) Lord , or otherwise, if you want me to work, Please provide me a HELP to carry on the work with my little children.

 

About the HELP the Lord astoundingly provided a Helper Yesumani who voluntarily came along with me to Eluru to be with my children in my absence at home, Later as and when my sisters-in- had college vacation, they used to come and stay with my children, Later the Church members Suryakantham, Sugunamma family, Esther and others used help me to take care of my children. Thus the request for HELP was fulfilled from the Lord, in astonishing way. (but this promise again and again fulfilled in my life in the coming years in more miraculous way, once as a Machine and later as Man as The HELP FROM ABOVE.

 

After I got those promises I was very happy.

 

 

The promises of God gave me assurance , joy, and courage without any trace of doubt, to go back to Eluru and join in- -St.Theresa’s Degree college,and resume my work as lecturer in Social work again in the year, 1985.

 

We were actively participating in the ministry, both in Vijayawada and Eluru. Mostly in Vijayawada center, sometimes my husband used to stay back in the week ends, in Vijayawada. And I used to go to Vijayawada in the College vacation and helping them in the ministry.

 

At the same time I told the Evangelist Br. Peter Paul that I would be handy in helping any work entrusted to me in Eluru ministry. We had three families, from illiterate background

 

 

and also three School teachers in the Eluru center church. I started to take Sunday School and take active part in midweek and week end prayers in the evening. When I look back at those events., The Sovereign God has planned everything and designed everything before hand but Tested me whether I would seek His will in every decision of mine.

 

.I joined my children in St. Theresa’s Elementary school. In those days, though I was a Lecturer in a college of St. Theresa, still to get a seat to my daughter was an ordeal. She had to prepare for the oral and written test. My husband went to school at 6 am itself to get a chit for an interview and waited there till in the Que to be called in. I prepared my daughter for the interview and took her to school where my husband was waiting for us in the Que. Our Intermediate cum Degree and P.G was in the same premises attached to the school compound. I was working in the same college since 1976 so I was taking the children along with me to school in the same Riksha and drop them in their school premises. I used to go to them in lunch hour to feed them.

 

But the things in Eluru center was changed, Br. Peter ,he was an atheist and communist before, but the Lord took him and changed his life pattern entirely. His wife was a retired nurse, therefore they used to get some pension for their livelihood. The HQ was giving only Rs.200/ per month and asking him to write the accounts for it, told him not to use money which was taken as offertory , later he had problems with his daughter’s marriage in the organization. He being an upright old gentleman ,wanted to leave the church and do the ministry independently. We were residing in the next portion of the house where this Godly man was living with his small family. I was the witness for his simple and Godly life. They hardly used money for any luxury. When he was taken into task about his expenditure in the home, he showed indignation and segregated. We both tried to pacify the things and talked to his son -in -law and HQ people as mediators, but by that time the things were blazing between and we could not help him any way. In that situation the HQ ordered us to take care of the few families coming to the Eluru Center.

 

I thought God sent me back to Eluru to keep me and my children safe in big Educational Buildings.

 

I did not have least idea about the “Pens for the sheep” at that time, I had a promise from God about Eluru Ministry right before I got married, in 1977 itself. It was “You will rebuild the

 

 

ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings. ” Isaiah 58:12

 

I forgot the promise given by God about the ministry in 1977, Even if I remembered it, I felt that it was about we being a help in the local evangelists either in Eluru or in Vijayawada. Never I thought that we would be in charge of whole church.

 

Now that was the year 1989 I reclaimed the same promise and started to pray about the ministry. But we maintained good relationship with Br. Peter Paul, who later retreated to a remote village, Kuchimpudi along with his wife and daughter for some time.

 

Meanwhile there were some changes in the administration of the college where I was working and the Degree college was segregated from the Intermediate section to a far end of the Town in the Panchayathi section. Therefore I could no more accompany my children to the school, and as the timings were different for their school and for my college , I found it’s very difficult to carry on my schedule smoothly. Again the extra anxiety of daily routine took its toll on me, I was slowly suffering from unknown fear, confusion and in taking care of my little children.

 

First I started with Sunday School ministry, I used to invite all the children in our neighbourhood, classmates of my children for sunday school. My husband was taking care of the main ministry on Sunday. He was not insisted to stay back in Vijayawada any more as it was the previous proposal of HQ. Many a times when he could not make to come home early on Wednesdays, I used to conduct that mid-week prayer too in our home. Later as the ministry was getting wider, I started Youth meeting , entrusting children ministry to the women in the church while overseeing it. Esther Francis was the first helper to us in this Sunday School ministry. When I found the women were facing problems in their homes, I entrusted the youth meeting to my husband I started to conduct women’s meeting soon after the Sunday worship, as they could not come again and again in the middle of the week to the church from distant places. This women meeting almost became as a family meeting, as even their husbands were listening to the word of God, and testimonies, sitting a bit nearby, here and there. The women meeting became the main backbone of the ministry, as the women learned many things to build a home for the Lord. Their first task is, to win their unsaved husbands by faithfully praying for them and introducing them to my husband, and thus to the church and we both used to visit their homes to invite them as family. The women started to accompany their little children and young children to Sunday school and also youth meeting some times, till they found the Savior in their lives. So

 

 

the wives had much role to play in bringing their whole family to the Lord by their good example and by encouraging the family members to come to church. Thus the Eluru ministry was started. And we gird up our lions to rebuild in 1987 onwards.

 

 

“Prayer lays hold of God’s plan and becomes the link between His will and its accomplishment on earth . Amazing things happen, and we are given privilege of being the channels of the Holy Spirit’s Prayer.”—Elisabeth Elliot

 

 

 

 

 

 

Peace in the Heart

. Proclaim among the nations what He has done”  Psalm 9:11

“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. John 14:27a..

“Love and Peace are Holy because we could attain them only from Jesus our Savior and the Son of God.- And this Peace would come to us only by praying the issues that we need to pray and in the way that we should pray.  “Spreading all the issues at His feet , being transparent in our soul, pouring out all that is in there, whether it is good or bad, and telling Him as to a loyal bosom friend, as if we are talking to our own heart, never hiding anything — should be the unwritten rule of the prayer life.”—-Only then, He would be ready to submerge us with downpour of Peace which is beyond our understanding, to our mind, our thought, our heart. This Peace look like a great fortress which protect our thoughts, our feelings, and emotions. This Peace cannot be taken away by any one at any given circumstances.

How often we forfeit this amazing peace, just because we are too lazy or busy to talk to the ‘lover of our soul’! We are over confident and thereby we do not seek this ‘intimate relationship’ with Him. This Peace, floods us with joy because it comes from that solid foundation of Word of God. In this we discover the purpose of our life, our goal and our identity.

“This Peace of God transcends all understanding guards us in every task we take up.” Philippians 4:7- This Peace could be given only by the Prince of Peace

A BEAUTIFUL SCENERY OF A MAZE

1983….December,      that was one of the year marks, of my life, carved by Him in His

Palm, to bring glory to His name.

He brings a TEST IN OUR LIFE and waits to see our method of solving it. If we ask Him TO GUIDE US, to solve the problem; He paints a beautiful scenery on the canvas of our life and He enjoys as we walk with His guidance, trusting Him with His Peace thereby His name be glorified.      We get storms in life all in a sudden, and in unexpected moment, they try to shaken us and try to uproot us in no time . Then we need to stand still like an  OAK IN THE STORM.

Leela, your husband is needed very much in the ministry of Vijayawada, he had been a great help there in all these years, but after he married you he is travelling in between Eluru and Vijayawada, and it is a great loss for the ministry , as he is not available there. Why don’t you resign your job and shift to Vijayawada, and help in the ministry there? “–

One of the Heads of the church (who was in-charge of Head Quarters) told me thus, as a bolt out of the blue. But I was not shocked, not even jerked a little, nor was I surprised, strangely enough, I took that advice as a oak in the storm.  learned to take things as they are; I knew everything would fall into perfect place as they should be, as my Father in Heaven is my GUIDE and my redeemer and He is in-charge of every situation in my life. I am assured that it is ‘well with my soul’ as He is with me to guide me through the Maze of my life.  Anything may come and any thing may go, no problem.

As member of this particular organization we are supposed to obey their instructions by all means. Always taking their counsel, advice and guidance in our lives. I am conditioned along with many others, to obey them out of respect, to every instruction they give us.   Though I was completely in obedience to them, first I used to first niquire the Lord, my God about the decision I should take ultimately. So quietly but firmly I answered her.

“Certainly sister, I like to take your advice, but I want to pray and find the WILL of GOD first.” I believe the right answer comes from God alone; the answer look like ‘the golden apples in a silver platter’. That answer always have their base on the Word of God. And when God puts such right answer in my mouth, I knew that God is going to take charge of the whole situation. Because I knew that the Holy Spirit will teach me at that time what I should say. Seeking His WILL , doing it at any cost”, is the anchor in the ocean of my life. I found this habit of mine is very refetching, refreshing and rejuvenating my soul all the time.“Oh, exactly Leela, you must    pray and find the WILL of GOD“, she smiled and sent me off.

Now after 45 years, I am surprised of her advice, asking me to resign my job, by involving into my personal life and matters, and financial issues, under the name of spiritual counselor. Obeying them taught me faith, though. Because I trusted God to lead me. Nevertheless, thank God, I took it as a challenge to seek the Will of God in my life, taking the GUIDANCE from that counselor. Had she not involved in my life, thus, had I  not reverence and humility to obey her, had I  not seek the Will of God ultimately; this beautiful story of My God would not had been painted on His canvas of my life. Had I taken my life as my own, taking my own decision not seeking the decision of my Saviour, this beautiful story would not had been emerged out at all, which resulted  to bring the Glory to His name.

NEUTRAL POINT BETWEEN ‘YES & NO’

After I left the job in Air India, as an Airhostess, which I left due to the uniform code  wherein I was insisted to put bottu, a tikka on my forehead, which was the symbol of the third eye of shiva an idol and  an arrow of manmadha , a love god of Hindu mythology.

I left that job and was seeking the will of God in choosing an employment .”I asked, & He answered” was the title of my little journal wherein I used to note down with date what all that I asked Him in one column and How and When He answered with the date in another column on the same page. This little book was recorded with the points of me asking God about a Clerk post  whether it was in His will, in the Government, He gave it to me but out of sympathy and empathy I forgo the employment to a poor boy who came to the same interview I attended ; Later I prayed for the coaching I was asked to take in Civils Examination, by my father, and that too I had to forgo to take, as the Lord told me , Are you trying to get rich by seeking greater things in your life? Do not seek great things –Jeremiah 45:5 and the last thing  I was praying for a Lecturer post, knowing very well that the course I studied in my PG in Andhra University do not have any departments in colleges with Social work as a subject. My dad questioned me why I was reluctant to write as HINDU at the column Religion in application forms, so I prayed and got guidance to take baptism through the verse in Acts 15 chapter where Lydia took baptism and so was her family, and believing that if I take baptism my family too would come into the faith. I secretly took baptism without telling my dad and later informed him that thereafter I would apply to any post only as Christian but not as Hindu. On the other hand our HQ people did not allow us to write exams or attend interviews on Sundays, without a question I was obedient to them in this regard too. , Therefore I was forgoing many interviews which were called on Sundays, my dad was furious about my over religious feelings, and literally giving me great torture at home by rebukes and shouts. So in order to escape this ordeal at home I started to pray that I should not get any interviews on Sundays

In these circumstances I was called for an interview in St. Theresa’s college , Eluru . They sent a post card on which it was typed that I was called for an interview for a lecturer post in Social work department on Sunday on 1st of September 1976, but the card I got was signed by the principal with green ink as Sr. Josephine and also the Sunday was stricken and changed into 4th September,  Wednesday 1976. It was a miracle, that the day and date was changed after the card was typed. At the same moment I got promise from Joshua 1st chapter 7,8, 9 as “ Do not be afraid , do not be worried, I told you , go I will be with you wherever you stepped in”.  When I went for the interview, I was the only person called for the interview and I was given job immediately. As the person who was working in that post had to go to USA immediately as her husband got an employment only a month before and she was asked to join him immediately. There was no time to advertise, and as one of my applications reached them , they instantly called me and gave me the job. That was a miracle. But now after 8 years I was told to resign it by one of our counselors in our congregation.”

At that juncture I considered my employment, as my ‘Isaac’ a ‘burnt offering’ on the ‘altar ‘of my faith, to  my Saviour Jesus Christ, thus gaining His peace in my life. I understood that, this peace thus I gained is not like the peace that we get from our own efforts, leaning upon our own understanding, or seeking advice from the kith and kin, or well wishers. This is something amazing and wonderful beyond human understanding. Because I get it only by standing at neutral point between ‘Yes, and No’ of life’s commitment. That is my desire and her desire. My understanding and her instruction. Here, my job was given by miraculous methods of Him, its beyond any argument but now I am supposed to resign it, therefore I should come to a neutral point in between my understanding of the issue and her piece of advice. Between me and her there is a neutral point, when I stand there I can hear His voice, as in case of Abraham, “ lay not your hand on the lad” He was in between his love for Isaac and the commandment of God, willing to yield completely at a neutral point, then God intervened and shown His will to Abraham.

I understood that, this peace thus I gained is not the peace that we get from our own efforts, leaning upon our own understanding, or seeking advice from the kith and kin, or well wishers. This is something amazing and wonderful beyond human understanding, because I get only by standing at neutral point between ‘Yes &No’ of my life’s commitment. That is, my desire and her desire. My understanding and her instruction. Here my job was given by Him without any doubt or question. It was His handiwork not by my effort or intelligence. He wanted to give it to me and He gave it to me, clearing all blocks in heavenly way. She knew the story behind, but still because she asked me to resign, I am obliging her. And I am here at the ‘neutral point ‘between my understanding of the issue, and her inclinations of such advice. Between me and her there is a ‘neutral point’—I stood on that point, on that summit, as Abraham was standing on the hill to sacrifice his only son, Isaac.  I can feel his love for Isaac, son who was given by God by His promise and his predicament to obey God’s commandment to shed the blood of his Isaac, willing to yield completely standing at the ‘neutral point’ . But God intervened and , I hear the voice, Abraham heard, there, “Abraham lay not thy hand upon the lad”!!!

Now in that month of December 1983, just prior to her advice to resign my job; I got some remuneration by correcting the examination papers in my college where I was working. I was longing to see my little girlie in good clothes, so I went to the shop and bought half a dozen cotton frocks of my liking, my choice of color and model.

She used to wear only the frocks gifted by others, or the ones I used to stitch on sewing machine, in those days. So buying ‘ready made’ clothes was a dream. I was overwhelmed with joy while dressing up my little girlie in different colored frocks in that Christmas season. When I was told to resign the job, I quietly retreated into my quiet time with the Lord; then at that instant the very first thought pricked my heart sharply —

‘Oh, it means, we have to live on one meager salary only. Now at least now and then when I have some extra money by Spot valuation remuneration; I was able to spend something on my children and enjoy seeing them beautifully dressed up. But if I do not have my job what will happen?” a sort of fear engulfed me; and completely unbalanced me in spirit. But I resolved to pray about this. I had determined to pray and ask God about my fears, and the decision to be taken, in ‘A Set-Time and in a Set-Place’.i.e Watch Night Service.

I told my Lord God, that I will meet Him on 31st night December 1983 in Watch Night Service and seek to find His Will and His wish, with regard to this issue. I told Him I need His GUIDANCE.  But meanwhile, I was whispering my fears in my prayer to Him all through every single day and night from the minute I was instructed to resign the job. I was preparing words to pray  “Take words with you and return to the Lord..(Hosea 14:2)Taking this verse as my direction to prepare for the prayer in that appointed time and day.

It was 31st night Dec, 1983, my daughter was two years and four months old and my son 11 months old. I went to Vijayawada to attend the Watch Night Service. It was arranged in Suvarthavani hall, Br Solomon was the preacher. I went there found an corner place, at the extreme left end of the gallery hall, spread the blanket sheets, laid down my children on the blankets, my little chubby son in front of me, my cute little daughter to my right side. and I knelt down on my knees and went straight away into the presence of God. I determined to pour out my heart as Hannah did in the presence of God. I prayed, “Lord here I am. You know me, my predicament, they told me to resign my job. Lord you were the One who gave this job as you did divide the Red sea in olden times, in a miraculous way, beyond human intervention or imagination or comprehension, but, now if you want me to resign this job for the sake of your Kingdom, I WILL DO it. Surely I will resign this. You are my Father, You know me. – selah— But Lord, do you think that we can live with one salary? The few things I bought for my children also will be cut off, as it is, we are living on the basis of ‘hand to mouth’ . Do you think I can have that much of faith to carry on my life without my job? Tell me Lord, whatever you want me to do, I will do, but YOU TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TODO.’”

The TESTS God gives to us are unique, and distinctive; yes, He gave Isaac to Abraham with great promises, but He asked Abraham to offer the very son of his, as sacrifice to Him. It’s very important to us to learn to pray echoing with the prophet Job about all matters, “He gave and He took it back”— Yes, it’s terribly difficult in practice, but I experienced that, the One who asked us to give it back, by giving the test, would give us endurance and hope in Him and the strength to give it back and  to sustain till the end  and be victorious.

Now after I finished my prayer for some time as above, I believed that God heard my prayer.( Psalm 66;19 God has surely listened and has heard my prayer.”)

I knew that He heard my sincere prayer as I did pray without hiding anything from Him, a prayer wherein I want to know His will , a prayer where I put “my will” as a burnt offering. A sort of great PEACE encompassed me, This is the sign often I get, before I get an answer from God in spectacular way. So I resolved to listen to His voice as an answer for my petition then and there. (“Lead me in Your truth, and teach me. For I wait all the day.”Psalm 25:5a).

That night His message was a straight answer to me. The thirst of my soul quenched thoroughly.

It had been my wont to listen to the Word of God carefully, I gird up myself to listen to the message of that 31st December, Watch Night Service, I was in His presence. the man of God started to read from the Bible. Deuteronomy 11:12-15. Later this promise was fulfilled, in my life in a spectacular way.

The Land you are crossing the Jordan–to take possession of , Is a land of mountains and valleys, That drinks rain from heaven.

It is the land your God cares for,

The eyes of the Lord your God are continually on it From the beginning of the year to its end”

Br Solomon, the man of God was preaching on that text, he did not know that I was in that big crowd. I sat at the rear end of the hall in a corner, nor he did know my predicament, or the

question in my heart. His message was carried on more or less like this,“Are you afraid to obey to the call of God? Are you afraid to serve Him . Do not be afraid, there would be great difficulties like the mountains, and also joys like the valleys, but you will drink the rain of heaven, you will have plenty of work in His vineyard, God will take care of you all through this new year as you are entering into it from the beginning of this year to the end of this year.”

I do remember not much more than that, but I was Looking into my Book and reading those verses.

1)    The Land I am going to cross, and the river, Jordan. It’s a river of Test, a symbol of my decision, to swim across into great test of faith. Need to take a bold step forward and into an unknown challenging future. It’s like a decision to CROSS A RIVER in my life, its my JORDAN indeed. –( I remembered the river Krishna in Vijayawada in those days when we travel to Vijayawada from Eluru in bus, it used to go to old bus stand, crossing the rivulets of Krishna )

2)      It’s the land of mountains and valleys, I presumed many financial mountains to be

climbed and many sweet valleys of joys in this place. ( Vijayawada is the land with magnificent hills and hillocks and plains, not Eluru certainly! . Besides not even one hill or hillock is in it. )

3) And It drinks the rain of the heaven,( oh here in Vijayawada, the word of God is plenty; we will have Youth meetings, Sunday school meetings, evangelists from HQ come on every Sunday, but not in Eluru definitely)

4)  God cares this place, My mind was settled, very well, now I knew God wants me to come to Vijayawada. I closed my eyes and yielded to Him at that very moment. “Thine will be done ,even so, my Lord, My God” –“Even so, Father for so it seemed good in they sight”. Matthew 11:26 And then I looked at the last part of the verse.

5)  His eyes shall be on it from the beginning of the year to the end, and at that juncture, all in a sudden God’s voice shouted in my head, like this:“Yes you need to come to this land for ONE YEAR” “What? How Lord? ” was my next question, the answer was vivid , clear and sharp and to the point. Apply one year leave, Yes, LOSS OF PAY-LEAVE for ONE YEAR. —selah—–

The solution is from the Lord, its perfect way of dealing with the question of my shifting to Vijayawada. The solutions of the Lord comprises of His Great Peace . Oh that peace , I cannot describe it , its His peace, not the peace of this world, this peace is full of wisdom, I enjoyed that peace in my heart, I have the answer. I will obey Him now, the next step He will lead me later. I knew that God leads me step by step, always one step at a time.

WALKING IN THE WHITE CLOUDS

I stayed back In Vijayawada Satynnarayanapuram railway quarters, for those Christmas holidays, How I enjoyed His presence is beyond my words to describe. I lived that vacation as if I was in a dream, a dream where I flew on the white clouds in the blue sky

[At the age of 4 years I used to dream that I was playing with, walking on, and even eating the white clouds, at times. One time my dad called a worker who makes the cotton in the mattresses fluffy by spinning the cotton, by his spindle, a slender rounded rod with tapered ends used in hand sinning to twist and wind a mass of cotton or wool or flax held on a distaff. We used to call him ‘dhoodhiekulavadu’ .{Cotton Spinning person} So one day he started to work in our corridor, repairing the cotton from our old mattresses. I was sitting in a big chair a little apart from him and observing him very keenly, the cotton was becoming white and fluffy and very soft in his hands, seeing my keen observation and curiosity he must have suspected the mischievous thoughts of mine, which I myself did not know then. Why he warned me thrice not to touch the cotton and spoil it as he was about to go for lunch? He told me that he would come back within half an hour and asked me not to touch the cotton, and if I touch it or play with it, the cotton would become solid again and would be spoiled and it would become ugly to look at, and all his toil of that morning would be wasted. You see I still remember what he told me that afternoon in that corridor. But as soon as he left the premises, I jumped on the heap of cotton, rolled on it and enjoyed the feel of it, to my heart’s content, imagining that I was floating in the sky among white clouds. Though all that flakes of cotton stuck to my face, legs and hands and my dress and made me look like buffoon. After he came he murmured so much and mother scolded me. But that soft heavenly experience I never could forget.}That was a funny incident, though, I still remember how cute it was to walk on the cloud.Now I experience sometimes the same way, I feel as if I was walking in clouds and floating on them, along with my God. This I feel when He gives me a promise and tells me His will.

GOD PAVES THE WAY;

Our college reopened on 16th of January 1984. On 16th I reached college much earlier as if some unforeseen force pushing me since that morning; I was literally forced in my mind to go earlier, may be forty five minutes before anybody entered into the premises of  the college. As soon as I entered into the college campus through the main gate, I saw Sister Winifred, our Principal just two yards away from me, walking from her convent turning towards to the college building. She had the most beautiful smile in the world for me that morning and I smiled at her, wished her” Happy new year, and very good morning”, She in turn wished me. I reached her and immediately after a few steps of walk together, I blurted out, “Sister, I want to talk to you one important thing”. There wasn’t any fumbling of words. The timing and the place to meet my principal was perfectly designed by Him already. She smiled brightly, that flashing smile –She was the  Principal who had such guileless sweet smile on her face, surely I can say that. She said,“Oh yes, Miss , come on into my chamber” and while walking beside her I reached her room .My mind was blank, because I did not prepare any words to talk. Since that 31st night till that minute I was literally in clouds. I did not premeditate any appropriate words to say about my request for the leave on loss of pay. I just wanted to ask for the leave on loss of pay for One Year, that is all, nothing else was in my mind. Because I already knew that she would give me that leave as I was asking according to His word.

I entered into her room along with her and sat in the chair she offered thanking her. “Sister I want to apply one year leave on loss of pay”  There was no introduction, nor any other commitments of prep talk for this request. It was straight from my heart as my Lord guided me. Her answer too was more astonishing and instant, because she said,“Yes Miss, Will you take it from the end of this academic year?” –“Yes, sister”–That’s it!!—- The next thing I remembered is , I left the room , in silence having the joy of heaven One thing with our sister Winifred or past Principal Sr. Josephine was, when they say, ‘YES” it is ‘Yes’, always, no turning back, I believe that particular morning she was led by God to come at that hour of the day, before anybody arrived to college, leading her to do the errand He prescribed to her. As it is this particular sister is the most God-fearing woman, she obeyed the order of God immediately. That British discipline and etiquette, integrity, nobility, decency, fairness we had in her regime. Those were the golden days of college life that we enjoyed during her tenure as Principal. She gave me leave on loss of pay from March 31st of that year, and she immediately left for higher studies, to Mangalore. I heard later she lamented about the way she had granted leave to me. Because many other lecturers persisted the in-charge Principal Sr.Vincenza, another sweet soul, to grant leave to them too as I was given, so Sr Vincenza was informing Sr. Winifred and telling her about those requests. Later Sr. Vicenza told me that Sister Winifred was so frustrated and said to her,——-Oh why I said, ‘YES” to Miss Leelavathi to her request that day, I do not know” When God Himself granted that one year leave to me in Suvarthavani hall on the watch night service, every piece of puzzle fall in its beautiful place. Without seeking Prince of Peace how can anyone get peace in life? There is no peace to ungodly. They quarrel, strive, fight, and shout for Peace but it is beyond their reach because they never seek it.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”–Jeremiah 29:11“If God be our counselor, He will give us peace in trouble. When there is a storm without, He will make peace within. The world can create trouble in peace, but God can create peace in trouble.” –Thomas Watson

Penguin in A Burrow

My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I recite my verses for the King; my tongue is the pen of a skilled writer.”Psalm 45:1

    I saw Lilliput Penguins coming out in the evenings, after their day’s long expedition in the vast and deep Saint Kilda Sea, Melbourne, and on the beaches of Phillip Island , hiding themselves in the burrows of the rocks in the darkness from the unknown dangers of the nights from the wild animals ashore. They take night’s rest in those burrows after the toil of the day and  from the chilly storms of the darkest night. When I was keenly observing them in that shivering climate I saw awesome discipline among themselves, coming in groups from the waves of the sea, hiding themselves and waiting for others to come ashore to hide patiently till all reached safely.  I felt the warmth and closeness of my Savior and His amazing protection from the malice and envious remarks of people in and around.  At such times I don’t hesitate to shout aloud and sing the victorious song “My God is my Rock, He hides me in His Rock, He alone is my Rock, my fortress, I will not be shaken.”Psalm 62

Yes, with light luggage, and much lighter hearts we shifted to Vijayawada in the month of April

  1. The promise of God was my forte, my anchor and my strength. Once I got His promise in the decisions of my life, I walk in the 9th cloud and nothing can dwindle my strong foot, I feel like I am in rock burrow protected on all sides. Yes, when I do anything basing on His word, it would be the safest place for me, and it would give me security, it is the linchpin of my life.

My husband’s faith was like Isaac’s, more passive. Isaac’s faith was unlike his father Abraham’s, whose faith was very active. My husband was covert type, his walk with God was, more of exemplary and inexpressive, impressive, and undaunted, by just trusting Him like a tree

rooted on the banks of the river of His will and in His word. He blossom like the ‘dew on lotus’, take ‘root as the cedars’ of Lebanon. His faith was trusting Him and walking with Him.– Unlike mine, mine is demanding, questioning, and getting His assurance at every turn of life. Therefore, our married life in the Lord was a balanced and cohesive one.

Jesus told us, The one who listen to My word and do accordingly would be like the one who built his house on the rock, there was storm and wind, but the house was standing still because its foundation was on the Rock’. Matthew 7:24

After we left Eluru we shifted to the  Railway quarters of Satyanarayanapuram, Vijayawada . The life was very cozy, very comfortable ever since; comparing to all those previous years of my married life since 1979. I had all the time in the world. I was afraid about money matters, but God blessed us so much, we could save every pie in every way possible ; strangely enough our meager money was blessed by my God and my husband bought a scooter for him, and also a small site in Manglagiri along with his colleagues in his office.

I started to take Sunday school in my little hall to the kids of that area and became very active in church work among young girls and women meetings. No grumbling or worrying over leaving the best job in Eluru. Being in perfect will of God is living in peace in this life. In the Christmas story of the gospel according Luke, a beautiful verse (2:14) often challenges me,” Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace among those with whom He pleased”

GOD PREPLANS FOR US:

During these days after a few months in the same year strangely in the month of October, 1984; the most unexpected way I saw an advertisement in The Indian Express, an English News paper, the advertisement was for a Field Supervisor in Maris Stella college,in Social work Department, Vijayawada . The advertisement was in small corner of the paper occupying only three or four lines, in classified section. If I did not see that advertisement the incidents that took place in this story of my life, would be quiet unchallenging. As I already mentioned, once we gird up to do the will of God according to His word, everything will be arranged in perfect pattern in life.

I told my husband about this, and I went to meet Sister Subramanyam, Principal of the college. She was very much impressed with me, and told me that I can come and join the faculty immediately. I told her that my name was still on the roll of the staff register St. Theresa college, Eluru;, and that I was seeking for a job in Vijayawada.

She appreciated my fairness and asked me to come to college and take classes, any way, for which I accepted to work on voluntary basis. She entrusted three or four Moral science classes numbering 150 students, beside Field Supervisor post. She used to come and check the classes how were they going on, I found later that she was very much pleased with me classes I was working voluntarily without any salary, College bus used to pick me up at my residence therefore the life was more cozier than in Eluru.

I think my God had given me a taste of beautiful life if I chose to work in Vijayawada leaving my job in Eluru.

I worked for a few months. The time has come to choose the college where I should work. The question was whether to choose Vijayawada or go back to Eluru. God told me to come here for only one year for sure. Strangely enough, now the Lecturer/ /Field supervisor post was opened for me in this place too.

Sister Subramanyam created the Lecturer post for me, terminating the contract post of a lecturer as the principal was not pleased with her performance. She was informed about her termination in the beginning of her appointment that her post was not permanent  Therefore a clear vacancy of the Lecturer post was created for me.

When God intends to give training to us to do His will, He brings many situations to choose; many tests to face in our lives. He opens Heavenly Manna to us every day and tells us not to gather it on Sabbath. It looks like we have a blessing on one side and choosing and obeying His Will on the other side.

Sr. Principal requested me to come and join in Maris Stella. Look, I have a post and I can join in it. But the management from the college in Eluru also insisting me to come and join in my own post immediately, and they asked me to inform them whether I would come or not by the end of that academic year. That is by March 31st of 1985. Both Principals want me to come to a decision immediately and inform them.

Did I ever thought I would gain job in Vijayawada college? If I did not see that small advertisement in Indian Express about the post of Field Supervisor in Maris Stella College that day, I would not had applied and entered into Maris Stella. God had given me a chance to opt for working in Vijayawada too.

It was His doing, not human interference. Now I need to choose one. This or that.

First of all the HQ of the church organization wanted me to resign my job in Eluru, they do not want me to work at all, by all means, they wanted us to stay in Vijayawada .that was their intention when they told me to resign my job in Eluru.

Any way when they come to know that I already got a chance to work in this place too I thought that they may want me not to work in Eluru but in Vijayawada surely. Still I do not know whether they would allow me to work at all.

Now I need to choose to work or not to work, if I am allowed to work where to work. After tasting the leisurely life for one whole academic year and enjoying at home I wondered whether I should work at all or not.—

Meanwhile I had a hint from the local evangelists that I need not work at all.

Therefore I decided to take everything to my Lord and seek His advice.

Is He not the Great Counselor? Why I ever should be confused at all? I see only a small part of whole big colorful design of the Big Picture of God. My Designer of my life. He sees my life as it is, the past, the present, the future of mine. Therefore I wanted to get the Super Advice from my Lord. I set apart some days for fasting and praying. That was from January 1st, 1985 whole day I was on meager food and drink and nights no food except some coffee, I set those nights for prayer and to seek His will. The Lord told me that His eye is on me for this year from the beginning to the end, and told me to apply loss of leave. Now from Dec 31st,(1983) to Dec 31st(1984) one year over. But I applied leave from March 31st,(1984) My decision should be given by March 31st 1985–Any way ONE solid year of God’s promise fulfilled here in this particular situation of my life. Isaiah 32: Lord you are my hiding place from the wind.

I wrote 4 questions on the back page of my Bible. I sat in His presence.. wrote the questions after my supplications and prayers. The gist of prayer was written on the back page of my Bible into 4 questions. 1)      Lord, Should I work or not? Is it YOUR WILL for me to continue to work or not?

2)   Lord If you want me to work, where should I work? In Vijayawada? Or Eluru; In Maris Stella? Or St. Theresa’s college?

3)     Lord, If you want me not to work, can I sustain the same faith as of now? In spite of any unforeseen financial problems I may have to face?

4)     Lord, If you want me to work, Please provide me a HELP to carry on the responsibilities of my little children.

St.Paul said,” I will pray in Spirit and I will pray in my understanding.”–1 Corinthians 14:13. In what sense he said, I do not know, but I often experience, I pray something, which I never thought to pray or do not know how to pray or what to pray, in such a way beyond my own understanding. Even sometimes I found my own answers I give in the times of great confused incidents, were beyond my knowledge or wisdom or understanding. They come from above, and those were precise and accurate and transparent and to the point. Only the Spirit of God helped me many times what to pray. Sometimes I give chance to people to misunderstand me for certain decisions I take at the last moment. It looks like I am confused or did not take decision properly, but I knew I look like that because I listened to Him. Many times the decisions taken by the Heroes of Faith in the Bible were not understood by many of their day. But they did it

According to the directions they got from the Lord. The Holy Spirit prays, on behalf of us: Romans 8:26 The Holy Spirit intercedes with sighs, the Spirit helps using our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express .Therefore Four questions I wrote on the back page of my Bible and started to pray, seeking His guidance.

I started to pray one question after the other, all questions one by one were answered from above.

Did you see the hand of God?

How come a clear vacancy was created for me in Maris Stella in that year?

How come Sister Principal of that College and also Sr. Vincenza the Principal in charge of St. Theresa’s college, both would ask me to give answer whether I will come and join the post? If I did not get the opening in Maris Stella I would not have prayed to choose one , that lapse a great step of faith in my life.

Do you think its just coincidence?

Do you think these things happen in our lives just accidentally?

No, God has a design and a plan for me, for you, we are supposed to take time to know about it at His feet. God answered all the questions, also gave me call for His ministry and a guidance to buy a house to live and a place for His worship and the future plan for my life in ONE CHAPTER of the Holy Book. During my fasting prayers in that month January 1985.which were fulfilled in amazing way according to His will.

Hiding in the Rock of Ages and enjoying His bountiful blessings, is like a dream of colorful Rainbow. For others who read my life, it looks like a unbelievable story.

There are many Human Rights Activists, Agnostics, Atheists, who do not believe the True Loving and Living Father God. They try to give explanation for these happenings, they even talk

of the Power of Positive mind, but I tell you, I do not know these foolish arguments nor I am an expert of these methods, but one thing I have, that is, my Loving and Living God who answers us if we pray. in ordinary language.

Elijah was a man just like us, with the same disposition, he prayed that there would not be rain in that sinful land, for three years, and there was no rain. Later he prayed again, and there was rain. This sentence from the letter of James is a great encouragement. We too can pray and see the miracles in our lives. ” He will hide me in the shelter of His Tabernacle and set me high upon a Rock. Ps 27:5“He is the ROCK, His works are perfect, and all his ways are just.” Deuteronomy 32:3b

Where there is love there is no fear. Where there is no fear, Love lives there. Loves teaches everything and trusts everything”

 

Asking God As a Little Child !!

” I will stand at my watch and station myself on the ramparts: I will look to see what He will say to me and how He will answer my complaint” ——Habakkuk 2:1

The four questions changed the pattern of my life till now. Remember those questions were asked in the year 1985. Basing on that prayer and the promise, God had given and guided. I found a few important landmarks in my life– When I asked God about my future program, He answered me

(1). in 1985(about my job, and the call for the Ministry)

(2). In 1986(HELP) and

(3). In 1991 again (HELP), and

(4). In 1994 House) and

(5). in 1997 (Prayer House) basing upon the same promise given at that situation.

The promises of God are abundant, and amazing, if we have faith as of the size of a mustard seed, even the mountains can be moved out of our way. The Lord, who takes time to talk to us, is faithful one. He is interested even in our trivial matters. He is God of this BIG universe with all its stars, milky ways, planets and oceans, and He is also God of small matters as of my life matters such as; ‘ Should I work or not, where to work, here or there’, etc etc. Isn’t it wonderful thing to walk with Him?–  I was told that the D-Box motion cinema seats pitch us forward and backward ; side to side and up and down in sync with the action depicted on the screen. It is more thrilling than 3D movie. Walking with Jesus give us similar thrill. It gives thrill to real life adventure. We feel the same thrill in life when we walk with Him as He Guides us in every important decision.

Yes, of course, He takes time to answer us, if only we take time to talk to Him about our every need.

I had FOUR questions with regard to my issue, and  He guided me and answered me  all those FOUR QUESTIONS, and also taught me how to gain more, by teaching  me to claim the same promises in that chapter  for the questions of my life, in my future.

God’s children often remind God of His promises, and claim the promise He made to them again and again in different situations of life. This I learned from the prayers of King David. His Psalms were my guidelines to pray. God was reminded again and again about the promises that  HE gave in one time, but His people remind Him of His promises and request Him to fulfill them again and again depending upon the circumstances.

At this time in my life’s crucial moment, God answered me in wonderful way through HIS WORD.  As we pray in our life, as we seek His mind, His advice in different situations of our lives, sometimes, the HOLY SPIRIT reminds us the promise we already gained and helps us the depths of that promise and helps us to claim it again in different situations of life. It is so very beautiful and it is true, He tells us only what He learned from the Father God.   He guides us to recollect the promise we had from God in the past, to reclaim in different situation.

It does not mean that He has forgotten His promises. It is we, who do not know how to use the promise given to us and sometimes  forget His promises, so we should remind ourselves by praying again and again claiming the same promise some times; which look like that we are reminding Him about His own promise.

An analogy here explains this well. “ Once I saw my little daughter was standing at the door of the kitchen and asking her grand ma to give her some nuts to eat,  she asked her once  and as grandma was opening the tin to give the nuts, the tone and velocity of the requesting for nuts increased  to it high pitch,  ‘Nuts, nuts, nuts, nuts ‘ my little girl’s tone was so anxious and fast as her little palm stretched out for nuts. She could not perceive her grandma was about that errand only by opening the lid of the tin and trying to get a plat to pour those nuts to give to her. But this little girl does not have patience or understanding of what her grandma was doing, therefore she was repeating again and again non stopping raising her voice and increasing the frequency and velocity of the speed. How many times we too are like this little girl of mine. We ask God and again and again we ask Him to do it, we are not satisfied once He fulfilled it, we again want something or the same thing in different situation, we will remember Him that He would do what we needed.

A child was promised by her father that he would buy a chocolate, so the child would ask his father again and again, “Dad, you promised me a chocolate.” It’s not the father who forgot his promise, but the child asks her dad for the chocolate again and again. It shows that the child is leaning on his dad for her need, not striving to achieve the chocolate by other means, like asking someone else, or stealing it, or earning it by herself, or begging others for it. The child’s trust is in her dad, she is asking him alone for the chocolate, because she is a child and she has faith in her dad, not in other means and ways.

In my childhood about 4 years of age, I asked my dad for one pen, he said,  “Why only one pen? I will give you pens of  a load of Lorry.” that day I seated myself at the gate of our house on a  curve of  small gate within the big gate  and waited for the truck  whichever comes and goes in our street. I even refused to go inside to eat or drink, when my mom called me, I told her I was waiting for the Truck, I posted myself on that curve of the small wicket gate, and I was waiting for pens of that load of truck. In the evening when my dad came I ran to him at once and I asked him about the pens very anxiously, he might had been very much surprised a lot , and of course I do not remember what he said, but afterwards I never had the dearth of pens in our home. He used to give me the best pens. In those days, having a pen was a luxury, that too Parker pen in my school days, he bought a wrist watch for me even when I was in 6th class(1960’s) when he saw my fondness for it. If such was the love of earthly father, how much more the heavenly Father’s love and concern for us!!

The only important thing in faith is, whether we leaned upon Him, upon His word remembering it, reminding it in our hearts and in prayer. Jesus told us” Have faith like little children; unless you change like a little child, unless you are as humble as a little child, you will not enter into the kingdom of God.” — Many of us, pray for our need, but often we keep faith in our own efforts, or in the recommendations of others, or in the money that we have in the bank or in the purse of ours or others .

It means we have already chalked out our own plan of solution, Plan A , Plan B–and as a habit we pray to Him as a parrot; but already there was a pre-planned solution, even before asking His plan. It’s already sits there in mind to be administered. That is not FAITH. Faith means Trusting God that He would do it, not by human intervention. “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”–Heb 11:1

  Faith is trusting the Father God in real sense, fully depending upon His might and compassion. Read the prayer of David, in 2 Sam 7:18-29–—“Then King David went in and sat before the Lord, and he said,

This is very important, we may think we can pray any way anywhere and anytime, it may be right, but when we really need specific answer from our Father God, we need to go into the presence of God and sit before Him as David did.

1.You have spoken about the future of the house of your servant.

    2.for the sake of your Word,

  1. and according to your will and keep forever your promise, do as you promised v.25–
  1. You have revealed this … You said you will build a house for you.v 27– 5.You have promised these good things,v.28
  1. For YOU Sovereign Lord, have spoken….v.29

It was God’s Great Promise—-The Lord’s promise to establish “David’s throne forever” suggested that Israel would never lack the leadership they needed. This promise was one of the series of Covenants between God and his people- with Abraham (Genesis 12) with Moses at Sinai (Exodus 20) and now with David. The New Testament sees this promise being fulfilled in Jesus, The Son of David, and King of kings forever and ever. (Luke 1:32–33) David was reminding God about His promises; he was begging God to fulfill those promises in his life.

My eyes are welled up with tears, to remember the faithfulness of God. Yes, when God says, YES, it is YES all ways,( for all God’s promises are fulfilled in Christ with Resounding YES, and in Christ, and so through him the AMEN( which means Yes)is spoken by us to the glory of God.(“2 Cor 1:20)

How many times we claim that promise, when and how we claim that promise depends upon our need, our prayer our relationship with God, It is up to us ! When we seek the assistance of Holy Spirit in our prayer, He will pray on our behalf, just according to His will and His word. We will know that we have prayed according to His will and that He would answer certainly. Also we will know how God would fulfill His promises again and again when we claim those promises as when and where life’s problems need their solutions.

I set apart certain days for fasting and prayer. Fasting for me means setting time and days to dwell my spirit only on that particular query to seek the answer from God. Whether I ate or not was not the question, but though its needed sometimes , but not to hover over mundane things, but to constrain myself from general things and keeping that time in the presence of God. As He told me previously that His eye will be on us from the beginning of the year to the end of the year. —-I posted myself into His presence to enquire of Him about my future and decision to be taken.

Yes as we pray we must believe that God hears us, if we do not believe that we will not get answer for that –anyone who comes to God must believe that He is there , its simple condition !!!

“If you believe in prayer at all, expect God to hear you. If you do not expect, you will not have. God will not hear you unless you believe He will hear you; but if you believe He will, He will be as good as your faith”–Charles Spurgeon

4 Queries- Answered

Do not be afraid Daniel ! since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God , Your words were heard, and I have come in response to them. But prince of persian kingdom (Satan) resisted me…..Then

Michael , of the chief princes, came to help me, because I was detained there ….” Daniel

10:12,13

I sat in His presence.. after my intensive supplications and prayers, the gist of prayer was written in 4 questions.

And I need to take a decision in that month so that, I could answer my authorities. Therefore I

sought for the presence of God , in prayer and supplications. As the days to give my acceptance

to join in one of the two colleges are approaching fast, I thought I better to start prayer from

January for the next academic year.

The first question was like this.

1)    Lord, Should I work or not? Is it YOUR WILL for me to continue to work?

“Lord tell me, should I work or not, your servants told me to resign the job, but you told me to apply leave for one year as ‘leave on loss of pay’. Soon the days would come to an end. Tell me, should I work or not. As I was keeping on asking Him in prayer; within the first few days, I got the answer for the first question in Philippians 4:6, 7 which guided me aptly. “Do not be anxious about any thing but in every situation,by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. and the peace of God which transcends, all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. I took this as an advise from my Lord and keep on praying as I intended to seek His counselling. Then His voice echoed in my heart.After a few days of prayers, and supplications, suddenly all my anxiety vanished, and I found that the Lord was leading me to go on with second question of mine in prayer. Taking this sign from Him I was assured that I was going to work, certainly. With that assurance I started to pray about my second question.

2)       Lord If you want me to work, where should I work? In Vijayawada? Or Eluru? In Maris Stella? Or St. Theresa’s college?

The Peace of God which transcends , all understanding, which guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus encompassed me.

I continued my prayer anxiously, because everyone had some piece of advice for me, whom to believe, whom not to believe, each one has their own reasons to convince me of their view, of course with good intentions only; some were telling me to resign the job in Eluru and settle here in Vijayawada, some were advising me not to do so.

Whatever, the question of doing job, was properly answered by my Good Shepherd, and so the next come next question. Believing that ” Seeking His will never put us in shame.” I picked up my Book to look into the last page , and put my finger on the second question. 2. Should I work in Eluru, or in Vijayawada?

I was praying for the answer , no answer for me. But I waited in the presence of God, till He answer me. It was January 13th night, I was alone in my front room, on a mat, with my Bible and prayer book, and songs book. knelt and prayed, only one question thumping out in my heart. “Lord tell me where to work. I want to know your clear guidance. You tell me what to do, what to choose, you know the best for me, I want your best, Lord, not my thoughts, nor the thoughts of any one, You decide my future. I trust in Thee Lord. You talk to me.”

It was 12:05 in the mid night, I was led by the Lord to read that day daily portion from the Bible, I was reading Numbers, 30th chapter, next 31st chapter, then I came to 32nd chapter, the verses were going on like this. I dare not miss one sentence there,(Search the book of the LORD, and see what he will do.Isaiah 34:16)

I quote only a few lines here to high lighten the message from God to me. The children of Gad and children of Reuben came and spoke to Moses, to Eleazar the priest, and to the leaders of the congregation, saying. “if we have found favor in your sight, let this land be given to your servants as a possession. Do not take us over the Jordan”——“ Do not make us cross the Jordan” See the verse 4th, last part of it.

My eyes widen up on seeing this sentence. Then I remembered the promise God has given on that watch Night service 1983, Deuteronomy 11 chapter, 11 to 13. Go from here and “cross the river Jordan,” to the place with mountains, and valleys “The Land you go,you have to cross the Jordan,”

Crossing the Jordan, important word for me; Because on that Watch night service of 31st December, God told me ” Not to be afraid to cross the River to go to the land –he asked me to go, He told me that land is full of mountains and valleys, to go to that land I had to cross the river .Therefore I crossed the river of test and (Krishna river was in Vijayawada) I went there . Now these two tribes in Numbers 32 chapter i.,e. children of Reuben and children of Gad are saying now, Do not make us cross the Jordan” 5v

God told me to CROSS The RIVER, but now these people were asking Moses that they would not CROSS the Jordan, the River.

I understood that I need to go back to Eluru. I was in the shoes of these children of Reuben and Gad, they were in front of Moses and I was in front of God.

But Moses was annoyed and scolded them severely, And Moses said to the children of Gad and to the children of Reuben “Shall your brethren go to war while you sit here?

7 )Now why will you discourage the heart of the children of Israel from going over into the land which the Lord has given them?

8) Thus your fathers did when I sent them away from kadesh Barnea to see the land.

9.) For when they went up to the valley of Eshcol and saw the land, they discouraged the heart of the children of Israel, so that they did not go into the land which the Lord had given them.

10.) Thus your fathers did when I sent them away from Kadesh Barnea to see the

land. For when they went up to the Valley of Eshcol and saw the land, they discouraged the heart of the children of Israel, so that they did not go into the land which the Lord had given them.

10). So the Lord’s anger was aroused on that day, and He swore an oath, saying

11 ).Surely none of the men who came up from egypt, from twenty years old and above, shall see the land of which I swore to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, because they have not wholly followed me , except Calev the son of Jephnneth, the kenizite, and Joshua the son of

Nun, for they have wholly followed the Lord. So the Lord’s anger was aroused against Israel, and He made them wander in the wilderness forty years, until all the generation that had done evil in the sight of the Lord was gone. and look! you have risen in your father’s lace , a brood of sinful men, to increase still more the fierce anger of the Lord against Israel. for if your turn away from following Him, He will once again leave them in the wilderness and destroy all these people.—– brood of sinners, you are discouraging —- The wrath of Moses, as we knew, did not spare them a bit.

My heart sunk into the depths of the earth, I dare not to lift up my eyes unto the Lord, after a few minutes I picked up courage to read the next few verses, with great fear in my heart to face whatever I have to face. I set my heart to listen to God to know His verdict, whatever.

To my great surprise, the children of Reuben and the children of Gad were undaunted, persuasive; they were not cowards, they were still pleading Moses in verse 16 to 19th verses.16v.

Then they came near to him and said: “We will build sheepfolds here for our livestock, and cities for our little one, 17 but we ourselves will be armed, ready to go before the children of Israel until we have brought them to their place; and our little one will dwell in the fortified cities because of the inhabitants of the land. 18. We will not return to our homes until every one of the children of Israel has received hi inheritance. 19 for we will not inherit with them on the other side of the Jordan and beyond.

What were they saying,

“ We will build pens for our livestock and cities for our women and children.

We do not not mean that we do not do the work of God, we are ready to arm ourselves and go ahead … meanwhile our women and children will live in fortified cities, for protection from the inhabitants of the land.

We will not go or claim anything on the other side of the Jordan , but we will have inheritance to the East side of the Jordan.

Oh yes, East side of Jordan, I visualised Eluru exactly to the East of Vijayawada.. my heart was pounding louder and louder, what would Moses say now..? What will be the answer about their request?

Anxiously I proceeded further to read the rest of the chapter.

Strangely enough Moses was telling them like this,20. Then Moses said to them,  If you do this thing, if you arm yourselves before the Lord for the war, 21 v. and all your armed men cross over the Jordan before the Lord until He has driven out His enemies from before Him 22 and then when the land is subdued before the Lord,

You may return then afterward you may return and be blameless before Him . And this land shall be your possession before the Lord.

But if you do not do so, then take note you have sinned against the Lord; and be sure your sin will find you out.

24 Build cities for your little ones and folds for your sheep, and do what has proceeded out of your mouth

If you will do this–If you will arm yourselves for the battle, armed over the Jordan, You are free from your obligation to the Lord.

( Now I know even though we go to Eluru, we are supposed to do the work of God both in Vijayawada and in Eluru, I should be concerned of the ministry there and a helping hand to the evangelist Eluru. and he should help in the ministry of Vijaywada as we were ordered by HQ

“Was this a CALL for us to work in His ministry?”

Moses was telling them still  If you will arm yourselves for the battle, armed over the Jordan you are free from your obligation to the Lord”–If you do not, you will be sinning against the Lord, your sin will find you out.

All right? Build cities for your women and children and pens(backyards)for your flocks , but do what you have promised.”

25.And the children of Gad and the children of Reuben spoke to ‘Moses, saying: Your servants will do as my Lord commands. 26: Our little ones, our wives, our flocks, and all our livestock will be there in the cities of Gilead, ( therefore me, and children go back to Eluru and stay there, and work there in His vineyard, and my husband as usual come to Vijayawada and help in the ministry there.)27: but we your servants will cross over, every man armed for war, before the Lord to the battle, just as my Lord says. 28: Moses gave command concerning them to Eleazar the priest, to Joshua the son of Nun, and to the chief fathers of the tribes of the children of Israel.

We will cross over armed before the Lord into the land of Canaan, but the possession of our inheritance shall remain with us on this side of the Jordan

Moses gave permission to them to stay back in the place and need not come over the river crossing it I got clear guidance .Now I understood why God told me to apply for One Year Loss of Pay Leave and obey the HQ to stay for one year, in Vijayawada.

I sighed loudly to my heart’s content. I prostrated on my face in His presence for long time. Now I know God’s mind in my case. I need to go back to Eluru. That middle of the night I still continued my Bible Study, still I went further, of that wonderful chapter, Previously I never did give much heed to these words, except this verse,Your sin will find you out–in Sunday messages or children retreats, or Revival meetings. I never gave much importance to this big story connected to this verse. – I read this chapter a number of times before but never it was so VIVID and clear to my vision. In the next verses they said again to Moses,

We, your servants will do as our lord commands, Our children and wives, our folks and herds will remain here in the cities of Gilead.”

NOW I knew we were going back to Eluru, very clearly and I was going to join my job in St.

Theresa’s college.  My children would live in fortified cities of the land, St, Theresa’s school is

a fortified safe place for my children to study. I am going to join my children in the school, and I

work in the same premises , in the college.  I knew this. So with lighter heart, I retired to the

bed and got up from my bed with a song in my heart Praising God.

As usual I was busy in the kitchen, hot water boiling for drinking purpose as well for baths, on Railway coal, which was cheaper and for lesser price. It was a great tedious work for me. I prepared breakfast and sent him to the office and after rendering my daily chore with my little

children ; Once again I sat down with my Bible to read the same chapter again and again. As I was reading it, I found the message was more vivid and more clear.

3)       Lord, If you want me not to work , can I sustain the same faith as of now? Assure me that I would not lose my faith in any unforeseen problems I may have to face in future

About the 3rd question about FAITH with no salary is proved excellent for the past year in Vijayawada, that experience gave me confidence that I should not depend on my own resources but on His resources. whether my own resources available or not, if His blessing is upon the resources, I could live peaceful life and I would not lack any thing. The Lord is my Shepherd and I shall lack nothing, was practically proved.The The question of Faith to lead life was tested and passed through the fire of that past year only with one salary. He tested our faith He walked with us until we came out victoriously. That experience helped me in other situations, later where I need to save money and go for only minimum needs.

Next I thought if God is telling me to go back what about the children of God from HQ’would say? Shouldn’t they also tell me to go back? /28.so Moses gave command concerning them to Eleazar, to Joshua, and the chief fathers..”

Claiming that promise I waited upon the Lord, and I felt my God would command them and tell them what to tell me. So I prayed about this and went to do other mundane things and to prepare lunch with extra love for my husband and the family.

When my husband came for lunch that afternoon, while he was eating the food, he said,  Leela I wonder where we will be next year” You see we were enjoying our stay here in Vijayawada, though we did not have much money. And God created a lecturer post for me even in this place. We had peace and joy in home. Life is not that bad, and in fact it is more cosier than in Eluru, having own house in Railway quarters, without any rent, there is Railway school for children near by, the College bus could pick up me to Maris Stella College, and I need not hurriedly prepare food in the morning, as my husband could go to office leisurely and come to lunch , and he had good bunch of friends in the church in this place, life is very comfortable than in Eluru to be true. But strangely enough even he was led to go back to Eluru and he likes to go back to Eluru. both of us were a bit anxious about our settlement common. When he expressed his doubt like that, I thought in my mind, Where we would be? Certainly in Eluruand I blurted it out half loudly too. He was astonished and looked up at me,and smiled happily.

But some wonderful thing happened then, there before he finished his meal, the postman was there at the door, I got a postcard from the same sister who asked me to resign the job. Could any one imagine what was in it? I myself took the card with much known expectations.. and it was amazing to read it that afternoon.

I ran to my sweet husband and almost hugged him with shouts of joy, “Hubby look look what is in it? I read the contents loudly showing the card to him too, “Leela, i talked about you to my amma, and my brother,both wanted me to tell you that you should go back to Eluru and join in St. Theresa’s College. ” –Is n’t it straight answer from my Lord God, from Heaven to me? Yes it is indeed !

.4) Lord , or otherwise, if you want me to work, Please provide me a HELP to carry on the work with my little children.

About the HELP the Lord astoundingly provided a Helper Yesumani who voluntarily came along with me to Eluru to be with my children in my absence at home, Later as and when my sisters-in- had college vacation, they used to come and stay with my children, Later the Church members Suryakantham, Sugunamma family, Esther and others used help me to take care of my children. Thus the request for HELP was fulfilled from the Lord, in astonishing way. (but this promise again and again fulfilled in my life in the coming years in more miraculous way, once as a Machine and later as Man as The HELP FROM ABOVE.

After I got those promises I was very happy.

The promises of God gave me assurance , joy, and courage without any trace of doubt, to go back to Eluru and join in- -St.Theresa’s Degree college,and resume my work as lecturer in Social work again in the year, 1985.

We were actively participating in the ministry, both in Vijayawada and Eluru. Mostly in Vijayawada center, sometimes my husband used to stay back in the week ends, in Vijayawada. And I used to go to Vijayawada in the College vacation and helping them in the ministry.

At the same time I told the Evangelist Br. Peter Paul that I would be handy in helping any work entrusted to me in Eluru ministry. We had three families, from illiterate background

and also three School teachers in the Eluru center church. I started to take Sunday School and take active part in midweek and week end prayers in the evening. When I look back at those events., The Sovereign God has planned everything and designed everything before hand but Tested me whether I would seek His will in every decision of mine.

.I joined my children in St. Theresa’s Elementary school. In those days, though I was a Lecturer in a college of St. Theresa, still to get a seat to my daughter was an ordeal. She had to prepare for the oral and written test. My husband went to school at 6 am itself to get a chit for an interview and waited there till in the Que to be called in. I prepared my daughter for the interview and took her to school where my husband was waiting for us in the Que. Our Intermediate cum Degree and P.G was in the same premises attached to the school compound. I was working in the same college since 1976 so I was taking the children along with me to school in the same Riksha and drop them in their school premises. I used to go to them in lunch hour to feed them.

But the things in Eluru center was changed, Br. Peter ,he was an atheist and communist before, but the Lord took him and changed his life pattern entirely. His wife was a retired nurse, therefore they used to get some pension for their livelihood. The HQ was giving only Rs.200/ per month and asking him to write the accounts for it, told him not to use money which was taken as offertory , later he had problems with his daughter’s marriage in the organization. He being an upright old gentleman ,wanted to leave the church and do the ministry independently. We were residing in the next portion of the house where this Godly man was living with his small family. I was the witness for his simple and Godly life. They hardly used money for any luxury. When he was taken into task about his expenditure in the home, he showed indignation and segregated. We both tried to pacify the things and talked to his son -in -law and HQ people as mediators, but by that time the things were blazing between and we could not help him any way. In that situation the HQ ordered us to take care of the few families coming to the Eluru Center.

I thought God sent me back to Eluru to keep me and my children safe in big Educational Buildings.

I did not have least idea about the “Pens for the sheep” at that time, I had a promise from God about Eluru Ministry right before I got married, in 1977 itself. It was “You will rebuild the

ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings. ” Isaiah 58:12

I forgot the promise given by God about the ministry in 1977, Even if I remembered it, I felt that it was about we being a help in the local evangelists either in Eluru or in Vijayawada. Never I thought that we would be in charge of whole church.

Now that was the year 1989 I reclaimed the same promise and started to pray about the ministry. But we maintained good relationship with Br. Peter Paul, who later retreated to a remote village, Kuchimpudi along with his wife and daughter for some time.

Meanwhile there were some changes in the administration of the college where I was working and the Degree college was segregated from the Intermediate section to a far end of the Town in the Panchayathi section. Therefore I could no more accompany my children to the school, and as the timings were different for their school and for my college , I found it’s very difficult to carry on my schedule smoothly. Again the extra anxiety of daily routine took its toll on me, I was slowly suffering from unknown fear, confusion and in taking care of my little children.

First I started with Sunday School ministry, I used to invite all the children in our neighbourhood, classmates of my children for sunday school. My husband was taking care of the main ministry on Sunday. He was not insisted to stay back in Vijayawada any more as it was the previous proposal of HQ. Many a times when he could not make to come home early on Wednesdays, I used to conduct that mid-week prayer too in our home. Later as the ministry was getting wider, I started Youth meeting , entrusting children ministry to the women in the church while overseeing it. Esther Francis was the first helper to us in this Sunday School ministry. When I found the women were facing problems in their homes, I entrusted the youth meeting to my husband I started to conduct women’s meeting soon after the Sunday worship, as they could not come again and again in the middle of the week to the church from distant places. This women meeting almost became as a family meeting, as even their husbands were listening to the word of God, and testimonies, sitting a bit nearby, here and there. The women meeting became the main backbone of the ministry, as the women learned many things to build a home for the Lord. Their first task is, to win their unsaved husbands by faithfully praying for them and introducing them to my husband, and thus to the church and we both used to visit their homes to invite them as family. The women started to accompany their little children and young children to Sunday school and also youth meeting some times, till they found the Savior in their lives. So

the wives had much role to play in bringing their whole family to the Lord by their good example and by encouraging the family members to come to church. Thus the Eluru ministry was started. And we gird up our lions to rebuild in 1987 onwards.

“Prayer lays hold of God’s plan and becomes the link between His will and its accomplishment on earth . Amazing things happen, and we are given privilege of being the channels of the Holy Spirit’s Prayer.”—Elisabeth Elliot

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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LeelaMalaka

Hello All! I am a retired Lecturer, Former Air Hostesses, and a writer. I love to share MY STORIES, WITH MY GOD.

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