As we pray and wait and wait.. days and weeks, when the expected letter would not reach you , and the end of the period is going to be over.. we feel a sort of numbness.. Yes the promises were there, but still , ‘to be or not to be’ that is the question!! To wait or not to wait and leave it off? It doesn’t matter to get marry then , or later, but the soul which is being tested would not take defeat so easily. It would not. Because the promises are there.. and when they would be fulfilled?
Waiting needs patience, waiting till we get answer includes faith, and hope and love for the Word of God and for His presence. Waiting not knowing how long needs much and very much patience.
Fifteen days passed away.. since we started to waiting for the postman, it was good to go to His presence and tell Him what I am, and how I feel !!!
16/6/1979 Saturday.. 6 pm
Lord some how my heart is as void.. I am afraid to be awake, my faith fails me and i am not able to come to Thee.. as a result I am like Jonah, loving the deck under the ship, my bed is giving me comfort, my pillow.. is good, I am spending my time there, Lord forgive .. I wasted all this day…
I am forgotten as a dead man out of mind, I am like a broken vessel Ps 31:12
Let me not be ashamed, O Lord for I have called upon Thee; Remember the word unto they servant, upon which thou has caused me hope. This is my comfort in my affliction, for thy word hath quickened me” 119:49
Lord give me a spirit of prayer.. a desperate prayerful spirit ..till I get answer. Lord I am asking for fish, and you would not give me a snake’ I am asking for an egg and you would not give me a scorpion, which would bite me and kill me.. Lord be merciful and revive my spirit , strengthen me O Father—in Jesus name Amen
Lord Unfaithful words are coming out of me.. We trust a point in Government Order ( G.O)… we claim it, we will wait to get an answer for it when we apply on those grounds, we know we will be sanctioned if we are right—Lord how much more should I trust in Thine Word, O Father, I must trust in Thee.. Oh Lord I see how week I am, carnal, I do not understand my own actions.. for I do not do what want to do, but I do the very thing I hate. Lord there is no faith in me, I understand this, I am thinking I have faith but I do not have it. Lord deliver me, Lord watch my lips.. help me father for I ask this in Thy name.. Jesus Christ..Amen
17/6/1979 Sunday 2 pm
Lord , O my God, I cannot understand Thine thoughts and ways .. oh Lord, you are too high to be reached you are too great to be understood. Lord you are a very BIG WONDERFUL GOD all this universe is yours and every living and unliving thing is yours. I am small little one like a grain of sand my problems and worries are so self=centered and pettish in nature, your children go great BIG problems than I have I am a minuet thing, but they are concern for me as thou art you will provide everything in due season. You are loving me better than I love you. Lord when people misunderstand me, misrepresent me and desipise me Lord, won’t you put a song of praise in my mouth? Teach me new steps of dance to my feet ? Make my feet like hind’s feet to leap and jump with joy??Lord you are caring of every hair on my head.. when a sparrow falls down, you know it. I am not to sit, nor do I have none to comfort or talk to, none to share my thoughts, You are my Comforter in my distress and you know every inch of me, Lord abide in me, you heal me.. I ask this in the name of my saviour Jesus Christ. Amen
18/6/1979 6:30 am Monday
Hail, Thou art highly favoured, the Lord is with Thee, blessed art thou among women, Fear not for thou hast found favour in with God.
For with God nothing shall be impossible.
behold, the handmaid of the Lord be it unto me according to thy word.
blessed is she that believed for then shall be performance of the things which were told her from the Lord
Luke 1: 25, 31, 37, 45…
Lord I just wonder what heart has Mary, what faith she has.. she was betrothed to a man she was not known.. and waiting to get marry soon.. meanwhile she was seeking thine Kingdom at thine feet. Indeed how highly she was favoured by thee Lord, how impossible it was that a virgin conceiving a child in her womb, yet she did not suspect thee Lord, she bent herself to thine word and believed you that impossible things be possible in her life. by thine hand.
Oh Lord I wish I could have that faith.. I am thine child father sanctify me in the blood of your son, like Mary, oh how wonderful it would be if I too could believe thine word, thine promises ..and rest in you.
Yes lord, yes, I do believe .. I believe thee that you will do impossible things in my life.. establish my faith Lord in Jesus name..Amen
19/6/1979 4:30 pm Tuesday
Lord .. my heart is bursting in my ribs.. I am feeling terrible Oh Lord answere me quickly … cannot bear any more.. why this deadly silenc i feel like I am in the grave shut off from whole world answere me Lord.. I no more can bear this.. no not a minute more, answer me soon.. there are nomore tears in my eyes there are no more sighs in my heart My very breath hurts my conscience. i wish torun away from every living thing, If I think I could lie down and rest in the sweet stream of sleep, there my dreams frighten me… oh Lord
I cannot bear .. I just cannot bear this burial silence any more . I need you answer ……amen
the prey of the terrible shall be delivered (Isa 49:25)
Once again I go the same promise.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me, for I am meek and lowly in heart.. and ye shall find rest unto your soul, (matt 11:29)
delight thyself also in the Lord and he shall gie thee the desires of thine heart, commit thy way unto the Lord trust also in him and he shall bring IT to pass.
Rest in the Lord and wait patiently ps 37:4,5
20/6/1979 6:30pm Wednesday
Bless the Lord o my soul and forgt not all his benefits.
He forgiveth all my iniquities , He healeth all thy diseases, He redeemeth thy life from destruction he crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies he satisfieth thy mouth with good things, so taht thy youth is renewed like the eagles’ Ps 103
God setteth the solitary in family ps 68:6 ( this same day this same promise was given to my husband too about our marriage)
wait for the letter in next episode and the end part of the story how God twisted it in a climax of expert Author hand.