life

GOOD LOOKING & GOOD FEARING ( LAST CHAPTER )

God cares our heart, people look at the outside deeds of the people.

As I was preparing for my marriage, just saries or ornaments buying never quench the thirst of my soul; There are still some more days to walk to the bride’s aisle.
It is God who loved us first, He has woven his love into the very fibers of our soul.
While I seek Him and His love I found that He is the one who is the one who is loving me in all times and in all places.

I could wait .. because of that first promise, At times, waiting for an answer from God feels like driving an ambulance in a traffic jam. Turn the siren louder if you like, but the cars aren’t moving. You can’t get through. My life was marked by similar delay. I was in hurry to get THAT promise, BUT God is not. I pound heaven’s door pleading for a response, and all I get was silence. I got so many promises from Him for this marriage, but my heart was on the first promise which I heard, but I wanted to see it in the Bible. But the perfect silence from Him.

Following God by faith is always asked to wait. It is work of God.. Making me to wait is His work to do something, in my life. While I trust Him while I wait , he built my confidence in His character. Learning to trust him in the space between that Promise and finding it as an answer solidifies what I believe in Him. He wants only what is best for me. I stood by His wisdom he knew what is best for me. I grew convinced of His power .. he is able to do what is best for me. God knew that its hard for me to walk by faith, so he made some promises to assure me while I wait.

We never know this side of heaven what God was up to while I waited. But no doubt , God had been at work, fashioning a plan of such beauty and symmetry that my mind could not have received it. …. I didn’t have to take my view of life only from what I could see or from what was happening right in front of me. I didn’t have to be imprisoned by the crazy doubts in my head that I knew weren’t true. ” It is I” He promised previously. So I continued to pray, Continue to wait.

Now I knew pretty well, that I was not waiting for the letter from Br Joe but for the promise I got in the first instance believing that God is not only better than my fears. He’s also better than my hopes.

So my little red journal continued .. with my prayer date was 24/6/1979 —-2 pm Sunday.

My Heavenly Father.. the other Sunday I read God’s smuggler by Br. Andrews . I understand that my religion has no power. Lord I wished I could walk daily as that brother walks. Constant fellowship with you always with you all ways be aware of you, conscious of your will..listening within me, for You are in me and I am in You. Lord how wonderful it is to be God’s conscious and God-lead all ways.

Now I am going through Catherin Booth, the great biography which remains as a constant puzzle and out-of-reach all these years. Lord I thank you for you have given it to me in this time to read. I am fascinating my the ‘loves of hers”– love for you, love for her William, Oh Love for the church, love for the Nation.. her loves are challenging me. Now at this moment … “he remains as a silent figure behind the screen, I am going to live with him, an unknown person, whom I haven’t seen him yet. Two weeks more, an unknown road is in front of me I do not know where that road would take me, but help us to go together to the end of it, to meet you the lover of my soul.

Lord I have a secret to share with You here, a prayer for him, I want him to be superior to me in your knowldge, and in loving Thee. I want his mental capacity and intellectual fibre be stronger and healthier than me.

Lord I am hurt as that monkey in Br. Andrew’s book, lost confidence and even frightened of wrong people and hypocrites, who pretend that they are godly, god fearing, to think of such cheaters, makes me jump on my nerves, I am scared, cant trust any one, who says they love God and serve God. So Lord strengthen me, make him a strong fort of mine, with whom I can be safe and strong. Make Catherin’s life an everlasting impression on my personality. I am daring to step into this new life only because I am confirmed that this is your will regarding me, Bless him Lord.. make him an understanding person.. for thine own name sake. I pray in the name of Jesus Christ. my Lord.. Amen and Amen.

23/6/1979 Monday. Lord thank you for this beautiful wedding sari.

27/6/1979 Wed, “Behold I send an Angel before thee , to keep you in the way and to bring you into the place which I have prepared… Ex 23: 20 to 33

4/6/1979 5:30 pm

Lord knit our hearts with your love help me to love him with all my heart in your love for your name sake. I wish that he would be so too!!
Lord, yes, the more we love each other the more should be our love for Thee, Lord plan our lives and acts like that.
Lord I wish our little home be an exemplary home like Catherine’s oh how I love that saint—Lord, the secret of her successful life seems to be the love that flows for every one around her.

Lord I wish he could be the head of the family in every step, in every decision–let not there be any argument or misunderstanding in between us ..oh never Lord, help me to strive for harmonious life in between us Lord help me to bring every prick in my heart to thee, first to thee Lord. There would be many adjustments to be made in between us. He is an unknown person, physically mentally and spiritually, emotionally when there might be many disagreements in between us, Lord when Thine love is there in between us…Father I trust everything will go rhythmically I love you my Lord Jesus help me to love you more…—Amen

5/7/1979 4 am

It was the day before the wedding day. We have to travel to Vijayawada by Howrah mail express by starting in Vizag at 11 noon, our family and friends would have lunch in our home and then we will start for the wedding place.
I got up early in the morning it was 4 am, I prayed and took my Telugu Bible and I was reading the regular portion of that day, I read 40th chapter and 41, and 42, and 43 finished, and then I was reading 44 chapter, when I came to 26th verse, I STOPPED at once.. The verse looked like the verse I heard the first day ,”The Lord confirmeth the word of His servant.” in Telugu , so I rushed into the dad’s room where there was English King’s James version opened the Bible to
Isa 44:26 … Oh there it is, 26th verse:

That confirmeth the word of His servant, and performeth the counsel of His messengers; that sayeth to Jerusalem thou shalt be inhabited… ye shall be built and I will raise up the decayed places thereof.”——

but what is this verse 27th?///??? That saith to the deep,Be dry and I will dry up thy rivers. ?????????

next verse… “thou shalt be built,……thy foundation shalt be laid” its 28th verse

Any body can imagine where I was, on the cloud number 9?—
I did not walk to the bride’s aisle, I flew to the wedding place. How I travelled, How I got ready to be a bride in good white silk saree.. everything was in dream, I was all in smiles, a perfect bride.. no fear, no doubts, no questions.. heart free.. fully trust in God,

When I was giving the wedding ring to him I lifted my head first time to see his face, wondering whether it fit in to him perfectly without causing any inconvinience… some little girl shouted aloud, “Yey the bride looked at the bride” —donot know who said so, but it was so loud, and everybody laughed aloud. The wedding message was on Proverbs 31 :10-31 “who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies”

Since then the Lady of proverbs 31 became my model to live like.. I meditated on her character, lived and relived it, word by word, taught how to live like her to the women in women meetings Sunday after Sunday. I was so happy to read about her, whenever I had chance. line line by line. its my guide.. I thought I would live like her till the end of my life.
After the demise of my husband ( read 27th verse) when my rivers dried up , later whenever I opened the chapter, I could not control my tears, no end for my tears, the river was dried up , but the rivers in my eyes flow years together.

But later verses were again fulfilled, he built my life again ….the foundations laid… oh yes new foundation laid down.. new ministry, new life for Him, new type of ministry….God spoke to me one day by voice, twice Shaeltiel.. which name was a new name for me…..it was all together a great new story where He gave me new ministry… where many more souls were enriched by His work..!!!Thats the end .. of these chapters Good looking and God fearing. Take breath.. !!! 😉 lol

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LeelaMalaka

Hello All! I am a retired Lecturer, Former Air Hostesses, and a writer. I love to share MY STORIES, WITH MY GOD.

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