Pastor’s widow. ( 5 )Last part.

I HAD A PREMONITION ( 5 )Last part.

       Soon after my husband died,  I was treated by the LEF leaders very strangely.  One of the leaders sat with me and told me I should go to college by next week. I was such a fool to respect them in toto,  strange they played on my innocence and simple mind and obedience.
so instead of spending much time in prayer and alone with the Lord I was pushed to College to the much astonishment of my friends and colleagues.
what type of woman was she to push me to do such thing in the name of obedience and loyalty to the church.
My father in law promised the children that he would go to his village and come back to stay with us. He lost his beloved faithful son, that is my husband.
After one week he was about to start his journey and he sat in chair and collapsed to death.  Just one week after the death of my husband.  When we heard this message I did not know what was going on, I saw the heavy hand of God upon us, crushing ,  do not know what and why it was happening,  my mother wailed aloud, and me too.  John came into the room and warned us sternly ‘ Don’t weep like the heathen who doesn’t have HOPE”   –At once we both stopped wailing.
I sat with the Bible and crying aloud in the heart, and siad to the Lord, ” Lord , come what may come, I am ready to face… Even if you want to kill me I willing to die in YOUR hands alone.  Do not leave us”—–“Though He slay me yet will I hope in Him; I will surely defend my ways to His face ” Job 13:15

These words automatically came into my mouth, and later I found the same words in the Bible.. and praised God for His spirit of prayer.
Yes the Spirit of the Lord  helps us how to pray and He prays in the times of deep agony, when we do not know how to pray He will pray   “The Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself  intercedes for us with wordless groans.”  Romans 8:26

           The husband of that leader another leader of the LEF started to call me and tell me to sit with him to give me hard and harsh instructions telling me how I should conduct myself as a WIDOW,

      Strange, I was considering him as my own father,  I thought he would encourage me how to gird up myself and be courageous. Instead his exact words were like this, ( He literally cornered me in the room making me sit in corner and sitting opposite to me, of course it was a open room people were going and coming  there.. but it was like claustrophobia for me)
He told me, ” See now you are a WIDOW, ( harshly telling me the truth)  your status now changed . You must not go out and be free…in doing things.)  It was like hard hit nail on my head.  Hardly one week passed after the death of my dear husband, what is this old fool is trying to convey me?  Is he thinking that he is the author of the KARMA of woman? 
I was shocked, but as I told you,  I became a docile cat like person, no voice no objections, no argument, whatever they say I OBEY …

    The same lady asked me to sit opposite to her one day in the same week.   ” Leela, what are you going to do with this new bajaj scooter of your husband?”
I said, ” John will use it sister”
Oh no, dont’ accidents may occure”
what shall I do then?
Sell it.
They are envious people, they cannot see any one flourish in life. They give instructions expecting the ‘implicit obedience to them’   Never they could see widows live in comfortable way.Money Money Money …. how to devour the widow and her house… is all that matter to these  useless leaders ?  “They devour the houses of the widows and for a show make lengthy prayers” Luke 20:47

I sold it for less amount, 23 bought it for 27000/- just six months back sold it for 19000/- rupees just to get rid of it and obey these money mongers immediately.Went to college , one girl from PG classes who loved me very much and was very active in my Moral Science classes saw me walking , and extended her hand to me, and said, ” Miss God is good ” I said in tearful smile
, ” All the time”  —-

Later these and many other  incidents occured in my life. I once prostrated on the floor, soon after I came from college, and cried aloud, ” What Lord, why people are saying that you are my husband” what is this”
He consoled me telling me , ” You obeyed your husband 100% in your life,  You could never do any thing on your own. You used to do whatever he told you.  You did not do any thing without telling him and without getting his permission. YOU OBEYED HIM.  now you be like that to me. You do nothing without telling me and getting permission.”   It was His answer to me.

so I was asking him for everything in my life.

you can see the rest of the story in the episodes “When God guides… 17th part.. to know more about how a widow is ill treated by church. in this 21st century, a church which is a cult based.

Strangely now I do not have any ill feelings for these people by the way they treated me. But one thing eating me up,  all those who are still in this cult based instructions should not be suffered as I was. I want to help them, I want to make them open the eyes and see to whom they should obey.
I was conditioned, brain washed to obey the leadrs for 3 decades  the best youthful years of learning in my life, now to unlearn those things was very tough time for me. But God in His mercy  helped me to get rid of such couplings of my soul, and stand boldly courageously to oppose them later. This happened only after much tearful prayers in life begging God to give me COURAGE’
The shackles of slavery in the name of implicit obedience were broken once for all.
My talents, my desire for His service flourished in leaps and bounds  in freedom the.
As result AMMA Vodi ( In the lap of mother ) monthly magazine I published became my outlet to let the world know my views on life, and serve the public with word of God. Later TV programmes became my food and water.  At this juncture I cant but recognize the encouragement of Karupati Shanthi Sagar, a lay preacher who helped me to unearth the hidden oppressed talents in me.
Now I published the much longed book translation of Pilgrim Progress with Pictures, in this 2014 year. by God’s grace.
I have yet some more desires to fulfill … in His Vinyard to bring more fruit for Him to enjoy… Only the time and tide will reveal what is need to be done. Those who can pray , pray for me.

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Hello All! I am a retired Lecturer, Former Air Hostesses, and a writer. I love to share MY STORIES, WITH MY GOD.

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