SATURDAY, JANUARY 24, 2015
29th August 2000 Changed my life. It is never as it was, all my dreams vanished. The life collapsed at one , within seconds.
The only man whom I loved and respected and honoured as Sarah of the old timeings, a man for whom I gave everything in my life, for whom I emptied myself to the dust. The man for whom I had exchanged my likings my hobbies as I loved him as the Lord confirmed that he was the one for me , to be my husband because I asked for a man who have “fear of God.” is n 31o more.
All my exerise of being a model wife of Proverbs 31 ended abrubptly. There is no head in my life, the head is taken away. I am left with a body without a head. Tears were running down… unceasingly, there is no end to them. it started at 11:20 am on that day, and never stopped to this moment .. and I know they will never be stopped till I see him again in the presence of my Lord my Saviour.
I lost my prayer partner, my bosom friend who would come to my rescue whenver I am in need telling me, “Leela I am here for you” 21 years we lived together, never I woke up without thinking what I should I do for him that day, never I went to bed without seeing his comfort to take rest. Never I went to sleep without praying with him. We have two wonderful children, we both prayed for them, we both enjoyed their first cry, first smile first winnings in life. we took them with our hands trained them… now they are just teenage children, fatherless, leaving them to me alone he left. He knew how feeble I was, how ignorant I was, how dependent I was on him. I strated to be depend on him for every thing giving him the joy of the head of the family , later it became part of my personality. I stopped to me my own, I wanted to live the words of Ruth to her mother in law , and I lived those words to my level best.
His kind gestures, his patience, his examplary life as son, husband, son in law and pastor made an indelible print in my personality. I cannot regard any other man as I did regard him, because he was the only one of that sort. The song of solomon was right when it says, ” I was next to next to my prince we were in a chariot; the chariot belonged to the King” I know he is my lover who is different from other men, He is better than other men in everything, honesty, uprighteousness, prayerful and loving and gentle… He was there for us all the time.. My nest was a great mansion where I lived like a queen with my husband, now I am left alone.
All that happened in a second, while we both were excited to work and toil in the King’s Vinyard. my partner is taken away. There lies the gardent to be tended, I was there like a still statue staring at the people who come and pray calling me “this widow, ‘ and praying Lord merciful to this poor widow.’
Suddenly I was given a great nick name Widow , widow, my children Fatherless, Fatherless… people coming inside the prayer hall where I was sitting along with my husband… while he was away from all the toils of this world, peacefully sleeping, in everlasting arms of the Lover of his soul. He does not like he died, but he looked like he was sleeping peacefully without any disturbance. Which is very unlike of him. He would not sleep even a little sound is heard any where. People are talking around him but it does not disturb him. I was staring at him but I could not see any one or him. The tears made my eye lids swollen. I was there … numb and still like a rock.
In the middle of the night , my dear daughter came inside , her eyes were in shock, she could not digest anything there, she came near me and hugged me. tears and tears… running.. what is happening. what is happening. Why it happend like this. What happened to the promise God had given me for this married life with this dear soul ?
I did the will of God, I asked for man of God, a man who fears God, and loves Him alone. And God assured me through the verse Isaiah 44 :26– with so many wonderful promises for my marriage with this wonderful man… and what is this 27th verse which I never gave heed? it says, ‘He says to the depths of the sea “Be dry and I will dry up your rivers” ????? What is this mean? and the 28th verse,, that the Jerusalem will be built again, my foundations will be lied down again…? No strength to understand any thing.. I was staring at the 27th verse… once again which escaped my attention in all these years… Is it His will be I become desolate like this and dry like this..?
Heart became like a stone, a hard stone.. nothing touches me… I was there ,but tears were flowing without any control of mine.
slowly I got up, along with my daughter stood nearby him, my son came and stood beside us… I folded my arms around both of their shoulders each in one arm and I prayed God loudly, ” Lord , here I am and the children you have given to me, what are you going to do?” Repeating the same thing again and again, my heart was wrenching… and I stood there, and suddenly I heard a voice… ” I will bless them”
I sat in a chair and took my Bible and opened it, I found the verse in Isaiah I was flipping the pages aimlessly, and I found the verse in 8:18 ” Here I am and the children the Lord has given me. We are signs and wonders in Israel the Lord of Hosts who dwells on Mount Zion”
This verse, this single verse beaming at me, and shining upon my face.. I am reading and rereading the verse, and seeing the future kept for us by the Lord… Yes, When God wants to bless it would be a blessing forever. With heavy heart I went to a pillar and sat on the floor again. ( continuation..in next episode)