As the gray years pushing us aside of the shore, as we swim to the other end of ocean, which is not in the capacity of common understanding, God gives us an outlook , a talent to be above the life, not in it, too far away from it, and help us to look at it as though we are from other planet.
We no more live in it, we come to a stage that all things that are happening around us as stories, beautifully stories, which are woven by God , which are not in the skillful hands of human, however he tries. I have a strange feeling, I live but I really do not live. I am on this earth but strangely I look down at this life as if I am from another planet… something is happening, or preparing me.. ??
I have come to Dallas, Texas.
I came to see my old friend in Arkansas, our friendship was of 1969.. right back in PUC in Maris Stella, Vijayawada, AP, India.
I met many old friends like this before, but with this dear friend the way we both sailing in the same boat making us to enjoy each other’s presence more than any one else.
Once my old friend of my school days, my senior though, came to see me, but her attitude and disposition was changed after along time gap between us, her aspirations, her way of life , her troubles made her a different person from whom I knew and enjoyed her friendship in the years 1966 to 1968.. and thereafter now and then.
Her life was such pathetic, which I could not digest during our short meetings now and then after 2011. The life gave her a very tough paths, which were a sort of unknown path to me to understand.
She married a Muslim handsome boy, and went away from home to Chennai in those days.. Love was so strong, they toiled against all the tides of life and established themselves with two cute children a boy and girl . Her loving husband was so wonderfully took care of her, and children for a long time. He started his own business and they maintained a lavish stylish life.
Till then I knew the family, and later as I was married, and entangled with many commitments, I did not dare to have connections with my old friends, (LEF rule on one side that we should not be associated with old non-christian friends or relatives), so I almost severed from her friendship.
But whenever I visited my aunty , I was making it a point to see her in that town. Those were short and brief meetings. Later her husband died of consuming too much of Alcohol, and Cigars, at the end of the life he could not leave anything to her except of so many debts and without a house to live in. She lost all her wealth, and debtors took everything, her daughter went in search of a job to far away places and lost in the tides of life. She used to visit her parents rarely, and did not willing to come back to settle in normalcy of calm going life. Son married a Hindu again, and became a puppet in the hands of the her and in laws, due to financial insecurity. My friend suffered with sever diabetes and started to take insulin injections everyday. Now not having money in hand to meet the expenses of her stylish rented house as in the days of her husband , and meeting her own expenses of medicines .. etc became beyond her capacity. She relied upon her daughter and son to this extent.
Suddenly one day she called me and started to cry aloud, in the phone, wailing, aloud, Leela , my son died my son died. he was 45 years old, died suddenly with massive heart attack. I tried to meet her, but she discouraged me not to come due to her relatives complications. She never gave scope to meet her in her home residence. I do not know the reason. Later I got another call from a distant place that she was with her daughter, later another call from Goa that her daughter and she were shifted to that place as she got her project to finish. Later I lost her track to this day. I just wait for her call. I wonder what made her life so cruel, why such beautiful life which was started so courageously, should end up so pathetically. I wonder why life is all ways ends tragically for some, without any reason.
These friends of mine were good people, we walked together, we laughed together, we enjoyed our lives in fun and frolic, we dreamed together about our future, but the end was different, for each one of us its different, and we do not know what is awaiting for us furthermore.
And now about this dear friend, She is a beauty, got married to a boy who was in America , in late 1970s. Came to USA with so many dreams of a young girl. The boy was a dupe though he loved her very much, he did not have financial stability. she was a girl from a well to do family. She was utterly disappointed, besides he was addicted to chewing leaves and drugs and cigar in his mouth. It was disgusting to look at.
She started to work and earn for herself, as Rail conductor, some times two jobs in a day. The boy proved himself not able to take care of her either financially or fulfill his duties as a husband.
Though she lived in western culture, it did not give her a desire to divorce him, she stayed with him for the sake of her mother and father’s honor.
she had horrible years of married life for a long period of time. He developed cancer in his mouth, as the chewing of undesirable stuff reacted(Paan Paraag)
He lost everything health, jobs, etc. She started to take care of him day and night, besides attending the job . Three months of pain and bleeding, the man breathed his last. She was left with nothing, no children.. She has some money and roof to live in. She lives quiet good financially but literally none to rely upon.
Loneliness is too ugly .
Both my friends are beautiful women, and maintain themselves so well, no one will think that they are suffering from so many health problems, and loneliness.
Outwardly they look like people without any problem, smiling and beautiful with good attire and style.
But nobody kno
ws the inner life, and void they face in their life.
Life is a mystery.