Marriage problems and ONE solution!!

“Marriages are made in heaven”— they say. but now a days most marriages are done in haste and with vested interests. They marry to gain some thing from the other person, or seeking equal financial status, or escape boredom or to gain a name that they are married, a license like thing. Some of them marry for convenience, or by force or to escape a tragic situation. Because once the decision was taken the rest of the life is depending on it. But most of them are forgetting the most important issue in the life.

Whatever, when a person is in haste to get marry just because she or he wanted to escape the prying questionable eye of others, is literally committing a great error.—– Once a girl was waiting for marriage. By that time her elder sister got married, and she was next to be given in marriage by parents. But not even one marriage alliance was materialised, so she was all most depressed, and one fine morning she wished ,” oh god, whoever he is, I don’t mind getting married, even if he is a drunkard or an useless fellow. All that I wish is,  getting married just like my sister, to have anew life.”   –Her wish was granted , she soon got married to a nice wealthy good looking guy, she was so happy and when she went to his home, one day he came fully drunk, she thought , ‘what if drinks beverages, I can shut my room and sleep till morning’.Thus saying to herself she retired to the bed, but he woke her up and said, “Hey bring me a plate of curd rice.” she got curd rice on a plate and set it on the table in front of him. He then shouted, “Now separate curd to curd , and rice to rice.” and started to shout at her at the pitch of his voice. –for when was staring at him not knowing what todo and how to do it—

If that is the case of drunkard husband, another girl  , because her marriage was also getting late to take place. She was vexed with the delay , so wished, “Oh god, even if I get a crazy, unstable fellow, I do not mind, only thing is I should get marry soon, so she got married. One fine day there was a marriage function they had to attendto the east of their town,. He took her to the bus stand and told her to get into a bus that takes to the West of their town. She was a little surprised and asked him Why to West, the marriage function is in the town to our East side, right? Why should we go to West?” He shouted at her and said,” Hey, when I said  West it is West, we will go to the West. That’s all!” She could not understand, so she got into the bus. When they got into it, and reached a town, he asked her to get down the bus and asked her to get  intoanother bus ,now , which goes to East. When she was bewildered , he shouted at her, “Hey I told you and you have to do just as I told you”

Those were the Olden days, where wives were expected to be obedient to the core and follow the instructions of their husbands. The modern  men even now act just like that and expect their wives to obey them. If they do not, there was a big quarrel, and then separations. authority, demanding, implicit obedience from wives is expected by the boys, which is not possible now a days. But even in such cases there is solution to the wives.

We shall study the  story of Queen Esther, in OT, She had to get marry a king, who has chosen her for her humility and simplicity, and beauty. She never saw him before but she knew that he was terrible wild man. He was known for his wild decisions of punishments. By the time he chose her , he despised his most beautiful first wife Vashti, because she did not oblige his wish to show her beauty to the foreign kings who were drinking in the court of the king. Therefore he wanted to marry a girl who is more beautiful and having qualities of uttermost humbleness. He found Esther to his heart’s content and married her. He had many many columbines, and he does not even remember with whom he sleep every night, may be once in a blue moon if he remembers any one he would call them and they have to obey him. If any one approach him without his permission they will be slaughtered,immediately if he does not extend his hand with kings rod as an assurance of protection.In these conditions Esther was made the queen of his kingdom, but these rules apply to her also.

So no body tried to reach him.  Meanwhile the history was confirming the cruel deeds of this king. And also his deep kindness to his subjects. No one knew when he would show cruelty or when he would show compassion. Just because he is compassionate today, it does not mean he would show it again to the same person, the next day. He is worse than the above two cases, crazy, drunkard, and wild ghost. His name was Xerxes.He was real king in the history, his kingdom was from India to Cush ( Africa ) comprising 127 provinces-his capital was in Susa.

He was dangerously impulsive man. –1. Once a bridge  was ordered to build but it was collapsed, in a storm, he commanded that the sea receive 300 lashes, and then had the bridge builders beheaded. { We have Telugu proverb “Raaju Thalachukonte Dhebbalaku kodhuvemity” } It means if King wants to whip there need not be any counting, he can lash any one any time. So this lashing of the Ocean is a good example of his madness and the proverb.        2.} Once one of his loyal subject contributed a huge sum toward a military expedition, Xerxes was so enraptured that he returned the money, along with a handsome gift of his own. But when the same man asked Xerxes to let just one his sons go free from the draft, Xerxes, enraged, ordered the son cut into two and the army to march between the pieces.

Life for the subjects under his reign was in danger in every second, when he would show grace and when he would kill them , they cannot predict.  Esther was told by her uncle not to reveal her community, that she was a Jew, as ever , even in those days Jews were hated by every one and by whole world. In fact she and her uncle were brought to this country as bonded slaves. Their lives are crux of death at every point. They were silent and they were keeping their faith in One Living God secretly.

Why the world hates Jews?

“All things are mortal but the Jew: all other forces pass, but he remains. What is the secret of his immortality”? –Mark Twine

” The Jews constitute but one percent of the human race; Many races Egyptians, Babylonian, The Persian rose filled the planet with sound and splendor, then faded, passed away; The Greek, and the Roman followed and made vast noise and they are gone.Many held torch high but burnt out…But jew heard no where, silent population remains .From Pharaoh to Hitler, sealed his doom in persecuting them.

Adolf Hitler himself said in his journal, ” When..I scrutinized the activity of the Jewish people, i have a fearful question that the inscrutable Destiny, perhaps with eternal resolve desire the final victory of this nation?”

Jews were all ways treated differently. hated, than any other nation of the face of Earth.They are there still in spite of the endeavors of many powerful kings who have a hundred times tried to destroy them.All rulers of the world tried to crush and expel and destroy and persecute , burn and down them. Despite their anger these people can never disappear.

” The Jew is the one who for so long had guarded the prophetic message and transmitted it to all mankind. A people such as this can never disappear. The Jew is eternal. He is the embodiment of eternity.__Leo Tolstoy

While I am thinking about them i found some reasons for the people to hate them in laymen’s language.             1. They proclaim that they KNEW the Creator, They proudly tell others, that there is only One God, and all other gods are false ones. Naturally all nations has crores of gods, they are enraged of this attitude. I was told by my friend that she had selected 365 idols to worship, one per day for an year.

2. They, in spite of them scattered all over  the earth, they have their own culture which binds them. they never merge their culture or customs, food habits, family life with others. They say   outwardly that theirs is “Path of Truth” That the prophets came from them. The salvation comes from them only.They have principles of love for one another, unity, loving their neighbour as themselves.They say they are the light of the world.They are a nation with one heart and one aim to glorify ONE TRUE LIVING GOD.They have regard for Jerusalem, for this city they give their lives.#.}They believe that they are the chosen people of God, and their s is the Chosen Land, and God has a purpose for them.They always have connection with their ancestry, origin of genealogy, and heritage.

No one can destroy their FAITH,No country gave place for them when Hitler wanted to scatter them. Hundreds of them were destroyed during Holocaust.But they sustained till now. So is with Christians or the Holy Bible. These are in the great plan of God, The Bible is not only God’s Book , it is also History book of the Jews. No one can touch them or destroy them, that is finalized.

Coming to the marriage alliance of Esther, she was thus married to a wicked , unstable, Wild king. Her beauty was an accident, her marriage was an accident. But her marriage has a purpose and for the glory of God.This accident of marriage had a purpose in the great plan of God for Jews to be protected in that strange land, under that wild king.

There are some other marriage alliances in the Bible which went through  a lot of perils , ups and downs, and hardships. Abraham marriage was almost going to be smashed because of childlessness, but they got a baby by faith in old age, and thus showed an example of marriage in the Lord. What is great in getting married just like that and conceive children just like that, without prayer and submission.?  Isaac married Rebecca but child less many years, they prayed and got two boys. Jacob loved one and married another, which was marriage of convenience. But his first wife endured everything for the sake of keeping the marriage by prayer and supplications, Rachel was childless in her married life, but prayed and conceived.  Moses life was not a bed of roses, he married sippora, but she was not with him to support him in his godly expeditions to redeem the Israelites. He was alone. Hannah was mocked because she did not have children, but prayed and got a child. .King David was cheated by his first wife , out right, he almost lost her for another man, he knew how this life would be to others. Abigail married as fool by name Naaban, oppressed and treated badly, God delivered her from that bondage. Mary was betrothed to man but conceived the Lord in her womb by Holy Spirit. she was misunderstood, and left alone , but she prayed, and Lord heard her and talked to her husband to understand the situation.

Married life is not a soft bed of petals, its not smooth at all, Every couple has to adjust and adapt, and sacrifice for one another, with love. Some people cannot do that they want separation, divorce or remain unmarried. Only married life can teach these virtues, of forgiveness, adaptability, love and adjustment, and sacrifice, An unmarried person needs special grace to have these virtues. A child in a public school will learn how to cope up with bullies, how to protect themselves and learn etiquette by socialization, a person who study with out other bullies in life away from socialization of school need to find such cozy atmosphere all ways in life. Couple with children, some times many children have a room for another at their table always, they are generous, hospitable, and more patient than the couple who cannot learn these virtues quickly. Unless they are great people with great upbringing.

Now I am questioning my readers, what is the purpose of our marriage? what for we are trying to sustain our marriages?

Are you in search of impostor who can give you happy married life, in spite of searching for a person who will glorify His name ? Suppose you are all ready married, what is your goal in your married life? What for you are living a family life? Why you both stick to together till the end? if it is only for the selfish reasons of gaining materially, how far you are happy with it. Especially if you are a Christian, do you both have such love for Him and for His kingdom.

In the play of  Rabindra nath Tagore “The King of Dark Chamber”, when the queen humbled herself and repented and walked on the dusty road after her useless quest for an impostor Swarna, to whmo she even gave a necklace falling in love with him, now realizing her mistake comes to the King in remorse and begs him to accept her. Then the compassionate King answers her”

Sudarsana:-Lord, do not give me back the hour which you once did turn away from me! I am the servant of your feet–I only seek the privilege of serving you.

king;– Will you be able to bear me now?

SUDARSHANA:– Oh yes, yes, I shall. You sigh repelled me because I had sought to find you in the pleasure garden in my Queen,s Chambers there even your meanest servant looks handsomer than you. That fever of longing has left my eyes for ever. You are not beautiful, my Lord–you stand beyond all comparisons!!

KING:– That which can be comparable with me lies within yourself.

SUDARSHANA:–If this be so, then that too is beyond comparison Your love lives in me–you are mirrored in that love, and you see your face reflected in me; nothing of this mine, it is all yours, O Lord!!

KING.I open the doors of this dark room today, the game is finished here!! Come, come with me now, come outside –into the LIGHT !!

As long as marriage do not seek His righteousness and His kingdom, it face storms. In this finite life, even if we get storms, we will stand on the rock as we sought for HIs glory, by humbling and repenting and reconciling with Him. For any problem this is the only solution.Life is given by God, Marriage is ordained by God, as long as the couple seek only their pleasures, the marriage is a hell, outwardly it may be with pomp and show, as long as one forgets for what they were on this earth and forget the purpose of the marriage , to bring glory to God, they found life is empty, and useless, and death is fearful.  Let examine , pray for your spouse , love her or him as Christ loves you, sacrifice and win them to serve the Lord. As long as there are no roses in your garden the thistles sprout out of the land and gives you sorrow. Plant flowers all over, there wont be place for thistles. Till toil and water, and seed and wait for the Lord who brings the fruit. No one is disappointed if they wait upon the Lord, giving the first place to Him in their married life. If you did it all ready, but if it does not yield any thing, wait, God brings good tidings soon. Keep faith in Him. Remember Moses, Jacob, David, Abigail Mary and Esther and others. When you say you have faith, it should be combined with HOPE and LOVE.

Show More


Hello All! I am a retired Lecturer, Former Air Hostesses, and a writer. I love to share MY STORIES, WITH MY GOD.

Related Articles

Check Also