Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater—
John 21:1,2,3 verses. “ I will go for fishing”
“I am confused, frustrated down casted, no hope , no future, remorseful—do not know what to do now- Jesus is no more -3 and half years he was so busy, so busy not even had time to eat or sleep—thought life serves very well, thought life has had some meaning after all, a purpose and a goal to achieve, Now everything is finished, nothing to do, what to do now? Nothing to do, nothing to plan.. wasn’t I so busy arranging meetings, bringing people to Him, taking care of the mobs wwho were thronged all along ? Yes when He was here there was so much work to do, every day was a new day, with new surprises, new mercies, new challenges, new assignments to finish, when everything was done looking into His glowing face of appreciation was Heaven on earth, the lonely hours with Him were much awaited, to listen to Him and to eat with Him.. but NOW……???
Just ONE DAY—everything is changed, He was crucified and died—all is STOPPED at once. When Jesus was walking just a few days back, why only last Sunday, everyone was praising, Halleluiahs, His name is Saviour Hail to the King, Son of David, It was so real then, expected great things to happen within this wonderful week, Thought He would manifest Himself as the Redeemer, as The Saviour- yea, the meaning of indeed His name is SAVIOUR: But oh But what happened, He was crucified along with two Highway robbers, and DIED. BURRIED. He was in the grave like every one, He is just a man?
What happened to all His served Him, miracles of 3 and half years? I was running after Him, walked close to Him, Life looked like it had a purpose, a meaning to it after all. Before meeting Christ, it was jolly go lucky life, hard work, tiring myself to the core, eating drinking and sleeping just like any animal, But after that encounter with Him, everything changed… My brother Andrew took me to Jesus telling me that he found “Messiah”
The very first LOOK, His LOOK captured me then and there, oh I remember the same LOOK He had for me the other day when I denied Him thrice, While He was dragging Himself along with the wooden rugged cross, He lifted His face and LOOKED at me that He knew that I lied thrice telling others I did not know Him. The same LOOK, He had for me the first time I met Him. How can I forget that LOOK?
The first WORD He spoke to me, can I forget even that? Oh never, He said, “Come along, Follow Me, Are you going to fish in the sea.. oh nay, come with me I will make how to fish men” He smiled , can I forget that smile, I just left everything on my boat, and ran unto Him just like a little boy to his dad.
It was my house He ever visited, He loved me in special way, when my brother Andrew started to follow John the Baptist, I felt that this little fellow brother of mine has had some pass-time , but one day he ran unto me shouting, excitedly, “ I found the Messiah, come along, I will show Him” He literally dragged me to Jesus, the Nazarene, I was shocked to Him, because I felt He knew me already, exactly he said the same to me too. “Simon, son of John, I know you, hear after you will be called as Capah, meaning a rock. How can I forget it? Yea it may because I looked like very stable, steady , strong and shrewd, I think He thought He could rely upon me …. Oh no, now I know what I am, I am opposite of the rock, , I am weak, unstable, unsteady, I was a COWARD, spoke lies thrice fearing for my life, I said I did not know Him, lest they would kill me too.
My life is finished. Abruptly uselessly finished, -now nothing to do, all my Three and half years of work is over, I am sacked.
How busy I was when Jesus was around, making people to behave well, disciplined, after all wasn’t I called a rock? So I took lead in every work- I thought I should be the one on whom He wanted to lean upon, because I am BIG in stature, strong muscled, active, undaunted.. But now what happened ? He died horrible death, he is murdered, buried in the grave. Dust to Dust just like any man.
I thought at least there He would be in the grave, so that now and then I could go and sit in front of the sepulchre and think of Him and weep out my pent up emotions. Now they are saying that His body is not there. And that He is risen, Mary Magdalene says that she saw Him and talked to Him, , “ I have seen the Lord, she said, and told us what He told her”—-Whatever, she is only a WOMAN, a “weaker vessel,” after all, she is too deep in sorrow, like all of us, because she is woman she could not take the things as they are, why should Jesus would talk to her, if at all He came to life, He would talk to one of us the disciples, any way let that poor woman be consoled in her dream bs, may her wishful thinking made her to be confused a bit. Leave her alone, the poor soul. One day she will come around.
But what about that day when all of us, hiding in a room fear for our life, cuddled to one another in a closed room which was bolted tightly from inside?
He literally came into the room where we were, thought the ng; only difference is I dared not to utter one word aloud, enough was those lies I spoke about my Lord that I did not know Him, oh yea, enough of that day, Didn’t I boasted closed doors, showed His wounded BODY, and disappeared. We were awestricken with deathly blow. But Thomas was not with us then, so he doubted that all of us had a group hallucination. So He bluntly rejected the resurrected Christ, of course I too had doubts just like others about everything that was happening of my confidence I told Him loudly, even every one deny Him I told Him; I would not …also I told Him I was ready to die with Him, Didn’t I showed Him my valour by proclaiming the battle by taking my sword and tried to kill that soldier in the garden? Only thing is I could cut his ear instead of his head, though I aimed for it. Well, what happened then, Jesus did not appreciated nor approved my valiant vigorous deed! He refused to be protected by me, on the other hand he rebuked me saying those who take the sword will be killed by sword, and purposefully insulted me in front of everyone, Actually He was the one who told us to take sword with us thereafter, I thought this was the time to which He wanted me to be courageous enough to protect Him by fighting with those thugs, soldiers and that Judas the traitor. I was even ready to give away my life in protecting Him. But He did not approved my action, on the other hand He took that ear which was cut and laid on the ground and put it on the soldier and healed him!!!! Hilarious!! It was the peak of my humiliation.
He came many times to us after he left the tomb. Did many miracles and showed signs to believe Him. But what is next. He left us at the lurch. Do not know how many days more He will be visible like this. He is coming and telling us many things and going. All is in utter confusion, nothing is there to plan.. We are sitting here and there and waiting for Him to appear, He does not appear when we wanted to , but appears when we least expected of Him.
Now why to waste our time like this? Whatever happened, has had happened, Those were the glorious years, those 3 and half years, memorable years.
But now what is there for me to do? Who will give us the “Words of Life” I am left alone, I can not be as I was, All my confidence, the joy of living and working for Him is lost, lost into the oblivion , I have nothing to do now, I do not know whether they knew how I denied my Lord that I did not know Him and how well I played the role of cowardice , but I know what I am now, the most stupid , useless of all, the worst sinner of all, so now what to do? I thought Jesus was telling me to be a leader for them, but now I know I do not deserve to wash the feet of these people here, See how they cuddled to gather in one bunch of fools, there the Scribe, Nicodumus also joined with us, Thomas was the most miserable of all, those two twins John and James, and two more sitting idly and looking into the sky.
I cannot be a leader, in the sense He wanted me to, but I can be a leader in the sea, let these poor souls have something to do, so I will cheer up them, “ dear brethren, I am going into the sea to fish” I announced, to my surprise they too wanted to join with me. All silence, no one opened the mouth. Strange we worked all through the night, but NOT ONE FISH, we caught
We proved ourselves that we are useless even in this known profession…WHAT TO DO NOW??
Peter reminds my inner self, the unknown self, the coverage, of my self, the hidden self of mine, how many times I behaved as if everything is over, as if everything is finished, lamenting over the gone glorious years of serving Him, feeling empty not able to do any thing for Him as I used to do!! Walking with Him along with my husband , taking care of the church is different now to my present situation, I was the leader, a beacon to many to lead to guide, now I am just one among many , sitting silently in one corner of the many pews, life is questioning me What to do now? But I do not forget how Peter was refreshed again, His Holy Spirit enthralled him once again, he became a beacon of hope and servitude once again. The life of Peter is not finished here with this question, WHAT TO DO NOW? in fact that question lead him to reach the zenith of His glory.. !!Let us learn of him. Men loosing his praying partener spouse is nothing compared to a woman like me losing the prayer partner in life. This need to be coped up with all through the life, however I strive to be useful to Him. Especially festivals like this Easter, Christmas makes me to brood over the life, and its usefulness!!!!