SATURDAY, AUGUST 20, 2011
I see angels hovering over me while I take care of these two cute little ones. I know God often comforts me by sending His angelic children many times in the past. They were there to lift the burden in my heart. Now Jessica( God sees) and Jayden( God hears) gives me immense joy, and I forget all that stress I am facing in my life
In my childhood I faced much agony in my parents home. There were quarrels, over the money matters, and many other things. Jesus was not in our home, those days. Most of my childhood and youthful days I suffered nervous weakness, and lack of stamina in my constitution. After the marriage, though there were some rifts in my family I could manage them by prayer, and forgiveness. There were never any arguments, or shouting in our home, as far as I remember. There were many disagreements because of cultural differences, but we all ways remembered that ” A family that prays together stays together>” and I was the first one all ways to seek peace in home by having a family prayer at the end of the day, whatever be the misgivings, or shortcomings in our family.
Family prayer was the pulpit for us to rectify things in amicable way, understand each other in the light of the Word of God.
So after the demise of my dear Husband, whom I loved unconditionally all the time during our 22 short married years, I am obliged to lead a very peaceful life without any arguments, or rift shifts affecting my soul.
The job I enjoyed thoroughly as I used to teach the wonderful subject Social Work which is a humanitarian subject, about the human behaviour and Problems of the human beings ,physical, psychological, economical, and social. As my students were young girls , I enjoyed rather a very young age in my career. I laughed with them, I joked with them, I taught them the Higher values of life. I saw the stars in their eyes while I taught them, I sang with them, I danced with them, I even acted with them in college dramas. so life never gave me rough side to face.
The only loss was the death of my husband, and my continuous lonely nights. Even they were full of silence and peaceful. I spent 10 years like that. But now if I hear any argument, between the near ones, I just could not tolerate psychologically and as a result even I’ve been affected psychically . Psychosomatic disease has become the way of my life, now. I am getting bouts of head ach and sever body aches,and a rise in the body temperature and Blood pressure. This I see now, a recurring of my life in my parents home. where there were all ways shouts of one nature or the other, where the male dominance was the order of the day. Where the authority, disorder, wordiness, and military discipline ruled over my life. I was a rebel in heart, but lived a very submissive life. There fore I suffered very much in my body, I suffered with bronchitis, doctors thought I would die soon with TB. I was taking a course of medicine till Jesus came into my life, and He touched me.I suffered sever abdominal pains every month, I was twisting and crying aloud at those days, for which I took lot of medicines all my years of youth. I used to get horrible cramps in the legs, and I could not walk when I was attacked thus. I used to have nightmares and used to get up from the sleep, shouting ” there is victory in the blood of Jesus”
I found the more calm and quiet I am and enjoy the company of friends, with good rest and good food, my life goes perfectly well,Now, Even if there is any small ups and downs I find it very difficult to adjust. I prefer the places and people with whom I feel comfortable with, and live in. After all, there may be a very few more years for me, should I spend my days, still adjusting to different people of different temperaments? Is it necessary at all? Can’t I live the rest of life where I am more needed, who would never take me granted, but need me to the utmost like the Poor and needy, and diseased, and dying? I do not know what is kept for me to my end days, but I have decided that I need to spend the rest of life with the downtrodden and least respected in the society. I come to know that I would never find any rest to my soul, and peace to my heart if not in the presence of these people.
Oh Lord help me!!