just my life

Running

MONDAY, OCTOBER 6, 2008

Running?

Wow , it has been my wont since 2000 to run away from lonliness, i had been searching for ways and means of travelling , meeting new friends, seeing new places, or brooding over while shedding tears, for my unacceptable, unnecessary, imposed lonliness, i did shopping , i tried to purchase useless things and clothes just to make myself busy busy hey busy like bee. But in heart of hearts i know, bee has purpose of life but me no purpose, being very busy for nothing… all through the life. The goal i cherished, the life opted for , the people i moved with all became very vague all in a sudden, and useless all the way.
Well, for that matter what is life? all is myth, but we strongly believe that we are doing something for the benefit of family or society, but once you loose your partner who shared your dreams, who supported u in every effort to reach that goal, everything seems to be just a myth, just Maya, wow , that was mine, and i tried to fill that void in life by doing many a things, which are useless, even i tried social service, along with the people whom i never had anything in common, which has given me stress and frustration, instead of relay satisfaction or mirth in the soul, so i am doing the same work all alone, taking the rule that what i do with my right hand should not be known to left hand. But still i feel i should have some invisible supporters, if not the real negative minded fellas as my team members.
well now i have 4 days of holidays, its a festival that comes in October every year, so what i am going to do, hey what i did before, i travelled a lot, visited friends, and relatives, for nothing, only to be hurt and experience the curtailed freedom, along with tiredness, and spending of energy and money for useless stuff, but this time  in front determined to enjoy my loneliness in my own little Ac room  of Tv and computer and in the presence of my beloved friend, who is available all the time every time, anytime… at least i can pour out all my stupidity and agony for nothing, at His feet, i can talk and talk and talk just pouring out my heart at His compassionate presence. Let me how this new experience of acceptance of my loneliness would fetch me the joy of not running away from my self. Running for what, Running to where, Running after whom, Running for what use…. these and many more questions would be answered by the end of these 4 days , i am sure. God Bless this time of my loneliness.. this October … bye friends
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LeelaMalaka

Hello All! I am a retired Lecturer, Former Air Hostesses, and a writer. I love to share MY STORIES, WITH MY GOD.

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