SUNDAY, AUGUST 16, 2009
Once I completed my 13th year the life has been changed all together; the influence of friends was too much to resist. Till then only mom, dad, and sisters and my classmates were in my world. No body had any influence in my life, except what my aunt Vipparthi Kanthamma, a teacher who had introduced me to the love and power of Jesus Christ in my 4th year of life. She used to tell me the life history of Jesus Christ and taught me how to pray. She wrote a few lines of prayer before going to bed, and before eating food etc and made me to learn by heart, and recite it every day. She used to write letters to me in special way enquiring me about my prayer life and giving me instructions to lead a good life .She did it for a long time till I finished my elementary school. I still wonder how gracefully and meticulously she planted the seed of Truth in my tender age. I wonder how important it is to give Christ to the tender aged children so that they would choose the right path in their lives when they grow up.
And there was my aunty, my mom’s sister Kanthamani always giving me unconditional love to me. She never scolded me or judged me. She is always there for me to listen to me and to accept me.
Yes, friends influence life. In my case these friends were not my classmates, they were family friends, much older to me, College girls, who were very fashionable and dashing and know for their shrewdness. I never had a chance before to talk to college girls, and as this was the first time I started to like them very much, and learn the ways of their lifestyle. My parents always had soft corner for them as they lost their mother, and not in good financial position, they used to borrow one thing or the other from us. But when mom was not around they used to tell me that my mom was old fashioned and I must dress up in modern way and comb my hair in fashionable way etc.
I thought I should imitate them as they had influenced me a lot. Along with them I got new friends, a close knit band of them Jyothsna, Johanna Mahimardhini, Sudha, and many of them. We as teenagers had all the fun in the world, as all of them were Christians I used to go to church on Christmas day. I started to learn Indian Classical Dance, Bharatha Natyam, every morning. Attracted to Hindi films; just after 13 years, my life pattern had been changed all to gather in great fathom of style.
Everything is new, I was one of the 4 girls in the town who can ride on a cycle. slowly I started to drift away from parents and the inner voice of mine. I learned to believe that life is after all to enjoy and films and friends, and fashions were bewitching me. I started to listen to cylone channel and some other English channels in Radio intently, and started to improve my accent in the language. I used to go to Reserve Police parade ground to learn Volley Ball but never could bear the strain of learning it. I was too delicate to do any hard work. I started to grow slim, tall, and beautiful to look at. Everything in the world was new to me, I was just enjoying a new type of freedom and in a free world which I never tasted before in my childhood days till then.
As I was hard working student and always keen to study well and get good marks I was considered to be a good girl by the elders and teachers.
It was at this time I first saw an English movie Sound of Music, which mesmerized me and made me a regular member of English movie fan club. Later I saw McCann’s Gold, and some other movies.. It was a great thrill to go to theater in those days. I used to visit Peda kakani temples and other places along with some other friends; everything is new and I had freedom to do anything, my father used to buy good clothes and shoes and all the things I need. Mom used to cook good food and feed us. School was nearby, and life was cool and quiet and enjoyable. Sobha was my good friend and her family was very near to us and we both used to visit one another’s house often. If we had any new dress, we used to parade on roads on pretext of visiting one another.
One Sunday mom and we three sisters went to Zion church to see Bhaktha Singh the great preacher. We sat very near to him and I do not remember anything except that I saw him as an young and robust person who spoke powerfully. It was in 1967 I think.
I used to go to Lutheran church on festival days, and used to give much respect to the place trusting that it was the abode of God and I should behave in senses.
Some how even though nothing was lacking in my life, there was a sort of void in my heart. God’s presence which I enjoyed till then since my 4th year was no more with me. I was just seeking and seeking for something which I did not know for what I was seeking.
I used to get some nightmares, short horror dreams, but I used to pray aloud and shout the name of Jesus Christ and made the devil to run away, so I came to know the power of the wonderful name of Jesus Christ and used to pray louder whenever I was afraid.
Exams were only thing I was afraid beside the nightmares so I always prefer to pray when I prepare for the exams and continue to pray till I finished the exams and get the results, and then I visit the local church and offer some amount as my gratitude for what Jesus Christ did for me. There ends my religious life, till I get another course of the exams etc.
But I knew that Jesus Christ was just there to help me when I need Him , and the rest of the time I used to had my own life which never had any place for Him; till I met Him personally and invited Him into my heart. Prayer at the time of troubles or fears of life was the only anchor I have had in a life of mine which did not have any purpose or identity of mine. During those days of His absence, my life did not have any meaning, I did not have any goal, I did not know who I was, and what I was. I wanted to have some one more closer than all those fair weather friends, some one whom I can trust and lean upon….
I needed some one stronger and powerful and trustworthy, some how I found none in the mortal form are good enough for that. I felt I was cheated utterly, no trust in any one. I felt I needed some help from the Supernatural Power. Who was that power , how to contact that power I was not sure of the way.
My search for God started in that was. I was desperate , discouraged and unhappy , and I know only god would fill this void. And my heart was searching for Him.