widow

Testimony/premonition 1

I had a premonition…. since a month…. I was fearing something drastic will be going to happen, and I was checking myself, can I have strength to face it without denying my Lord? —

” Leela , come once to the prayer hall, and talk to sister S, she and her daughter came to talk to me, it
seems she is not taking food since 15 days, after the demise of her husband, you come and pray with her and talk to her” My husband came into the room where I was doing something and told me thus and left for the prayer hall which was just behind my home.

I rushed out into the hall and found Sister S along with her daughter, she looks so weak, and as it is she was a slim lady very feeble and now she is on fasting …beyond her capacity… her daughter told me,” Aunty some praying people came to our home after the death of my dad and told my mom that if she prayed for 40 days fasting my dead father come alive. Since then she is on fasting, and not eating any thing..and she is almost going to die. I brought her to prayer hall to ask uncle to pray for her.”

” Ok let us sit here on the mat, I want to talk to her.”

What I talked to her was about the death of my dad, I told her the beautiful story how my dad was prepared for his death, and God in His mercy prepared me to face the death of my dearest father. After she heard all that I told her, I told her how God told me about David, when his son died, he said, ” We have to go to him, but he will not come to us”
I tried to console her as much as I could. So atlast she agreed to take food, and both slowly got up and left the center, I was also not well… a little feverish, and slowly I was coming into my house, but I questioned myself like this.’ oh what words of comfort I spoke to her? I told her about the death of my own father, and tried to console her about the death of her husband, oh the death of husband is not equal as the death of the father… how can she be consoled with the words I spoke to her?’–But whatever , What I spoke to her I spoke, I do not know how those words would console her, but oh Lord you know how much the words I spoke to her are of any value, because I spoke about the comoft I got from you to her, but she lost her husband, which is more painful than anything. ‘ so telling myself I entered into the house.
Then I remembered, how once a month before I was teaching a few English songs to the PG and UG students in the college. I taught them the song” Is God dead? No no no no no…I can feel him over me, I can feel him in my hands, I can feel him in my legs….etc etc..” That day I taught this song to BA Final year studnets, and at the end of the song… NO HE IS NOT DEAD… I stopped to sing abruptly, took my books on the table in the class, and at once ran away from the class to my room.. telling myself, that I cannot bear, this humiliaton any more, I did not have strength to sing this song any more… can I say with strong mind, that Godis not dead and that I can feel him over me all the time.. in every cirucmustnce?/” Oh Lord give me strength, give me courage to face any thing.. etc…
even before that I took moral science class to the PG students, I taught them the song “God is good..” and gave a sermon on it.
Again we were preparing for the children retreat, exactly the same month my husband got te first heart attack, as it was three years back.
The dates this time were from 31st August for three days. Everything he was getting ready, he had a big dairy in his hands, wrote down all the details of the work to be done, and ticking those which were finished.
28th August, I was very happy, unlike any other birthday, this looked like a little different, birthday in my 22 years of married life.My husband was a little extra happier on this day, bought flowers for me which he rarely do, did not say anything when I bought a new saree this time, and when I ordered for a cake to give away in college. He was in cheerful mood, and dropped me in college by scooter. I too was very happy because, since the last heart attack three years passed away without any further complications. Most of the financial burdens were over, and we were able to breath and spend for our own. He brought two kashmir silk saries for me which was not his wont ever since we were married. All is soft and soothing.
Life seems to be full of joy, only that night, 28August 2000, my daughter was on her way to Kanchipuram to sumbit a project in which she became an expert speaker, we arranged one of our cousines to meet her at Madras statation to escort her to Kanchipuram She was flying on the cloud nine as it was her first project to gain good marks in her B.Tech. She and her friend and friends dad were dropped in Railway station , that night. my husband gave the gospel to her friends dad for longer time , and returned home, and after family prayer, he told me that he spoke to my daughters friends’ dad about his soul.
The next day some body said to us, there was some strike in AP and education institutions might be closed for the day. As we had Children Retreat I wished we could have a holiday, so that I could be at home to help my husband. I was a little feverish that day. Ignoring the fever, I finished the house work, and we as a family sat in the bed room to pray. My son need to go to college and me to my college. That day family prayer Bible portion was 2 Peter 1: 1-11… Three of us were reading those lines one by one.. when we come to the verse 5-8, my husband stopped for a while and started to explain about those verses to my son, That was the last message given by him in our family prayer, he said, “when we have faith , it should add goodness; knowledge, self controle, perceverense and godliness; mutual affection, love—and when u possess those, you will not be ineffective and unproductive, In Telugu language it said, ‘it will not make you useless, and lazy fellow”— I was looking at both of them and some how I wanted to add these words … addressing my son,

” See, many people think that they are active, smart and work hard, but its no use unless they work for God, Only when you work for God you will not be considered as ‘useless and lazy fellow; otherwise what is the use of working from morning to evening without working for God, ? its not how much we work but for whom we work”

He nodded his head, and we proceeded further,to read the word of God,
I was reading the word of God..when he comes to the verse 11:”And You will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”—“for in this way entry into the eternal kingdom of our Lord Jesus Christ will be richly provided for you.”

We both underline the same sentence , my husband and me at once, we both exclaimed at once, I remember what I said still, “wow , look what promise we have here, In Telugu its so wonderful, I read the verse again, the gates of Heaven are opened widely to make an entry to His people to enter into it.” I exclaimed, John read how it is written in your English Bible. he read, like this ” And God will open The gates of Heaven for you to enter into the eternal Kingdom of our Lord and Jesus Christ Saviour.”

Me and my husband both were very happy to read that verse, not knowing that that verse is going to be truely practical in our lives within two hours.

John went to the college, and after a while he drove me to college, and told me , ‘as there is bandh to day, if there is no college you wait for me I will come and pick you up”

After the first period, the college was closed, so I thought I should not give risk to my husband to ask him to come and pick me up from the college. because i knew he was very busy in arranging the things for the children retreat which will start from 31 August, 2000.
I thought I could take a ricksha as I was a little feverish, but remembering his word that he would come and pick me up , I dare not to take riksha against his word, and spend money on it, so slowly I started to walk home and reached home at 11am. My mom was at home …( will be continued in next episode)
Yes I reached home by having a halt in between, at Mary Joshi house, sat in their verendah completely exhausted, too tired to walk further, something is going on in my mind, fully despired, Never I felt so much strained before, I asked, mary ” Mary can u give me a cup of tea please?” ” Ayyo amma, thappakunda” ( Oh Ma, surely I will give ) In fellowhip people call me sister, aunty or amma = ma ) she brought a cup of tea, I was telling her about another aunty who came to stay with us to spend sometime in prayer, I told Mary, “Please take care of her, she is living near your home so it is easy for you to see her needs.” she gave her consent. Then I took leave of her, and started to go home, which was three streets away from her house.
slowly I dragged myself to home went and saw my mother was pounding red chilli powder with tamarind and coriander seeds, she told me” Son in law likes this poweder very much so I am preparing now” I told her ” so he is still in the prayer hall? since morning? I am also very tired ma, I will take a little rest and go and see what he is doing there” Thus saying I went into our bed room and lied down taking the news paper, in hand. I must tell you something about this news paper which I never touched for 8 years after that day.

My husband was so fond of the news paper, he was telling me that he was so fond of it, and in his school days as they do not have money to buy news paper he used to preserve those papers which were given in the pawn shop when they buy any things like salt, tamarind or jaggary etc and stretch those papers and read those papers.
He was so fond of the news papers, he could not take his eyes from the paper once he took it into his hands. Many times I tried to distract him by telling him some thing, but in vain. so now and then I tried to take away the paper from him playfully only to face unfamiliar wrath in his face. So not able to get his attention from him any way while he was reading the paper, I used to say that its look like he is giving more importance to the news paper rather than me.. Even then I could not succeed, so I was teasing him saying, “O now you tied up the news paper to your face, and no one can come near to you, its more to you than your dear wife ( that is me) Whatever , however I tried I could not distract him from the paper all those years. So in turn I started to read the paper just to kill the time to show him how much irritating it would be if we read the paper while ignoring the person in front of us. So he knowing my intention, and knowing very well that I was not reading the paper for much news, he used to taunt me saying the same words I used on him. like” O now you tied up the news paper to you face ”
This was a game in between us for many years. which I tried to take such strainful situation in easier way.

Well, at that moment my mother came inside the house and sat in the sofa in other room. While I was trying to peep into the paper on my bed. Then I suddenly heard the banging of the door at the kitchen, which was very unlike of him. He was a gentle person, never would make any noise or shout, so when I heard that banging, I told my mom,’mom can you go and open the kitchen door” Before she got up to go there was another banging in from of the house where my mom sat. He was banging the door .. I thought he came in hurry may be to fetch any instrument which is needed in the House of God. But within seconds he was in our room , I thought he was going to taunt me saying”O you tie up the news paper again to your face” But instead I heard him saying, ” Leela, I have reeling sensation.”
In all my married life I never heard him telling me like that. He never complained about his physical ailments. I was the one who used to look into his face finds that he was tired and thereby giving him some thing to drink or eat before he become too tired. He would never ask me for anything. I used to take care of him as my own eye. So when I heard him telling me so, I got up at once and took him into my arms and made him to lie down.. saying,” Oh you must had worked too much in the prayer hall, since morning.” Thus saying I got ‘Sorbatrite’ tablet to put it under his tounge, I found that he was trying to grit his teeth hard, at the same time trying not to hurt my fingers in his mouth. He was such gentleman. I found the gravity of the situation, I picked up the phone and called my friend who was doctor to come at once to attend my husband telling her that he never complains like this , and he is becoming unconscious..
John also came home as their college also was closed for that day, I shouted at him ,” John bring glass of water.” before he brings the water, I saw that he was slipping away, his eyes rolling up, I saw the wall text “You may ask any thing in my name and I will do it” John 14:14 So I shouted aloud, Lord I ask of Thee give the life to my……husband…. before I finished that little sentence I saw him breathing his last… his eyes were rolling back I shouted Ymandi , Ymandi, no response… I tried to do mouth to mouth respiration, but no response. I cried aloud, ‘Ma he is dead” Mom said, No don’t say so, within seconds the people from the prayer hall gathered in the house, somebody brought a doctor next street, she came and said, ‘take him to cordioligist” Sombody brought an auto I made him lie down in my lap Titus came along with me to the hospital. The doctor gave electric shock and pronounced that he was dead 10 minutes before. I was crying and begging the doctor, to revive my husband. He answered me negatively. saying no use.
It was 29th August 2000 at 11;20 am. All is over. My life with my dear husband which started on 6th July 1979 at 9am ended abruptly. Everything stopped at once. I was in derailment. no words to speak. I came home. I called sis Kamala Paul and told her. somebody took the dairy and started to inform every one. I was with the dead body of my dear husband. What was I saying , I did not know. somebody asked me where to keep him. I said “in the prayer hall , he loves that place.” Tears were unceasingly flowing. People are coming and talking to me. I was not in senses. staring at my husband. Is it real? did he really leave me? Nothing seems to be real. At mid night my daughter came home, she was informed by my cousine that her dad was no more. and brought her home. That was a shock for her. She started from home the night before with colourful dreams to achieve highest marks in her project submission, her dad left her at the railway station, she never thought that was the last look she had to see her dad. Life is strange. John was not in this world. he was moving around like a zombie.. nodding his head or doing things told. no response, no tears. no reaction. we were left alone. I cannot controle my tears now. I will continue what had happened later. in next episode. part 3

Yes I reached home by having a halt in between, at Mary Joshi house, sat in their verendah completely exhausted, too tired to walk further, something is going on in my mind, fully despired, Never I felt so much strained before, I asked, mary ” Mary can u give me a cup of tea please?” ” Ayyo amma, thappakunda” ( Oh Ma, surely I will give ) In fellowhip people call me sister, aunty or amma = ma ) she brought a cup of tea, I was telling her about another aunty who came to stay with us to spend sometime in prayer, I told Mary, “Please take care of her, she is living near your home so it is easy for you to see her needs.” she gave her consent. Then I took leave of her, and started to go home, which was three streets away from her house.
slowly I dragged myself to home went and saw my mother was pounding red chilli powder with tamarind and coriander seeds, she told me” Son in law likes this poweder very much so I am preparing now” I told her ” so he is still in the prayer hall? since morning? I am also very tired ma, I will take a little rest and go and see what he is doing there” Thus saying I went into our bed room and lied down taking the news paper, in hand. I must tell you something about this news paper which I never touched for 8 years after that day.

My husband was so fond of the news paper, he was telling me that he was so fond of it, and in his school days as they do not have money to buy news paper he used to preserve those papers which were given in the pawn shop when they buy any things like salt, tamarind or jaggary etc and stretch those papers and read those papers.
He was so fond of the news papers, he could not take his eyes from the paper once he took it into his hands. Many times I tried to distract him by telling him some thing, but in vain. so now and then I tried to take away the paper from him playfully only to face unfamiliar wrath in his face. So not able to get his attention from him any way while he was reading the paper, I used to say that its look like he is giving more importance to the news paper rather than me.. Even then I could not succeed, so I was teasing him saying, “O now you tied up the news paper to your face, and no one can come near to you, its more to you than your dear wife ( that is me) Whatever , however I tried I could not distract him from the paper all those years. So in turn I started to read the paper just to kill the time to show him how much irritating it would be if we read the paper while ignoring the person in front of us. So he knowing my intention, and knowing very well that I was not reading the paper for much news, he used to taunt me saying the same words I used on him. like” O now you tied up the news paper to you face ”
This was a game in between us for many years. which I tried to take such strainful situation in easier way.

Well, at that moment my mother came inside the house and sat in the sofa in other room. While I was trying to peep into the paper on my bed. Then I suddenly heard the banging of the door at the kitchen, which was very unlike of him. He was a gentle person, never would make any noise or shout, so when I heard that banging, I told my mom,’mom can you go and open the kitchen door” Before she got up to go there was another banging in from of the house where my mom sat. He was banging the door .. I thought he came in hurry may be to fetch any instrument which is needed in the House of God. But within seconds he was in our room , I thought he was going to taunt me saying”O you tie up the news paper again to your face” But instead I heard him saying, ” Leela, I have reeling sensation.”
In all my married life I never heard him telling me like that. He never complained about his physical ailments. I was the one who used to look into his face finds that he was tired and thereby giving him some thing to drink or eat before he become too tired. He would never ask me for anything. I used to take care of him as my own eye. So when I heard him telling me so, I got up at once and took him into my arms and made him to lie down.. saying,” Oh you must had worked too much in the prayer hall, since morning.” Thus saying I got ‘Sorbatrite’ tablet to put it under his tounge, I found that he was trying to grit his teeth hard, at the same time trying not to hurt my fingers in his mouth. He was such gentleman. I found the gravity of the situation, I picked up the phone and called my friend who was doctor to come at once to attend my husband telling her that he never complains like this , and he is becoming unconscious..
John also came home as their college also was closed for that day, I shouted at him ,” John bring glass of water.” before he brings the water, I saw that he was slipping away, his eyes rolling up, I saw the wall text “You may ask any thing in my name and I will do it” John 14:14 So I shouted aloud, Lord I ask of Thee give the life to my……husband…. before I finished that little sentence I saw him breathing his last… his eyes were rolling back I shouted Ymandi , Ymandi, no response… I tried to do mouth to mouth respiration, but no response. I cried aloud, ‘Ma he is dead” Mom said, No don’t say so, within seconds the people from the prayer hall gathered in the house, somebody brought a doctor next street, she came and said, ‘take him to cordioligist” Sombody brought an auto I made him lie down in my lap Titus came along with me to the hospital. The doctor gave electric shock and pronounced that he was dead 10 minutes before. I was crying and begging the doctor, to revive my husband. He answered me negatively. saying no use.

It was 29th August 2000 at 11;20 am. All is over. My life with my dear husband which started on 6th July 1979 at 9am ended abruptly. Everything stopped at once. I was in derailment. no words to speak. I came home. I called sis Kamala Paul and told her. somebody took the dairy and started to inform every one. I was with the dead body of my dear husband. What was I saying , I did not know. somebody asked me where to keep him. I said “in the prayer hall , he loves that place.” Tears were unceasingly flowing. People are coming and talking to me. I was not in senses. staring at my husband. Is it real? did he really leave me? Nothing seems to be real. At mid night my daughter came home, she was informed by my cousine that her dad was no more. and brought her home. That was a shock for her. She started from home the night before with colourful dreams to achieve highest marks in her project submission, her dad left her at the railway station, she never thought that was the last look she had to see her dad. Life is strange. John was not in this world. he was moving around like a zombie.. nodding his head or doing things told. no response, no tears. no reaction. we were left alone. I cannot controle my tears now. I will continue what had happened later. in next episode. part 3
After I wrote part 3, I wrote part 4 for such a long time but suddenly all that I typed was vanished from the screen. I think by mistake I deleted it.
So it took a little more time to come back to these pages to continue with the story of my sorrowful event in my life.
Thus after praying at the body of my dear husband I came and sat near a pole leaning , too tired, and hapless… lonely.
People are in crowds around me, , some are talking to me now and then, some were sitting in groups and crying silently.
Tears flowing freely… I was numb and listless.
Somebody came and sat with me, I think that was Mrs Baburao, I call her Maryamma.. came and told me, ‘ there is a phone call from Kamalakka, asking you whether you would postpone the children retreat ” ( It was supposed to start from 31st August)
my husband died on 29th August, 2000 and it was middle of the night) Burial will be on 30th.
I looked at her blankly. I remembered my husband and his zeal for the Lord. I remembered our daily Family prayer. I remembered his prayer suddenly.
” Lord let not me or my family be a stumbling block to your ministry, in our service to you.” ( I used to object a little in my heart, ‘why he prays so, after all as a family we are striving to do our level best in ministering Him, ‘ Any way , whatever , because he prayed so let me say Amen along with him” so I was saying Amen, though not able to understand why he was praying thus, all those years.)
Yes, I remembered it once again as if the Lord was telling me, ‘ see , now what are you going to do?’
I said, to her, ” Let the children Retreat will be conducted as usual, just like he had planned.”

And the children Retreat was conducted for three days, how I conducted myself , I do not remember, but like zombie I supervised the things while the tears were zooming out uncontrollably.

I was overseering the burial arrangements too, people were coming and saying different words of consolation. But I was deaf, I was blind, I was dull , I was numb. Nothing going into my mind.
But one thing piercing in my heart, many people are saying, ‘oh why he died so soon, he is only 52 years old, she is only 47 years old. he is such a good and great evangelist, there is so much work to do, he is doing so much work for the Lord in and around Eluru, why he died at the age of 52 years?”
I was listening, but I did not have an answer for it. I was gazing into their tearful faces, children were crying aloud at the body, women were wailing aloud, men were in shock and doing the burial arrangements. I was on the floor sitting some time, and sitting at his coffin some time.
tears tears tears…… my saree was drenched in tears…nothing to say, nothing to think. Mind was blank.
I was remembering those days, how I took him to different hospitals, Eluru Railway hospital, private hospitals, Hyderabad Railway hopital, Vellore CMC, Ramesh coridology in vijayawada… 3 years passed away to that day. in 1997 on the same day 29th August he got the first heart attack , in 1999 after the completion of his 25 years of Government service he took voluntary retirement on April 8th…He worked out all the pension and other emoluments, and settled everything.
Started to draw Pension, deposited some money in the post office to get monthly interest to meet our expenses. By this time all our financial commitments with his family and three unmarried sisters were over. They got married, even his brother got married, his parents were in less burden, so we started to build our own family a little better financially.
Life was going on smoothly.
But now everything went on stand still.

I stood on the dais to give an adieu and to give an account of his last few minutes with me. Suddenly I remembered him , how he used to tell me ‘ Leela, time time… ” showing his wrist watch if I exceed a little time in my speeches.. in the church. ” I ended my speech on that day, ‘Oh if he is here he would tell me that time is up,……..So…now.. I can not disobey him..” I got down from the stage. All cried aloud. .. all wailed loudly….!!

we all went to the burial ground there was heavy rain fall, my children were with me. Somebody helped me to walk in the grave yard. That was the first time I ever walked in Eluru burial ground.

Somebody sang the much loved song of my husband,
My Bible, My Bible and me .. we walk ..”

Came home, I entered into the house, closed the doors of the room where I prostrated on the floor. I lied down on the floor, and started to cry bitterly .. cried aloud… “Oh God Oh Lord …,.” I asked God, ” Why Lord why Lord why you have taken him at only 52 years???? He was working for you , sincerely building the kingdom , why Lord why you took him at this age??”

No answer, but I did not expect an answer, I did not know why I asked thus, I laid down on my face for long time, the tears had no barrier, nothing can stop me, none to stop me, …
After one or two hours I lifted my head and opposite to my face I saw The Picture of Cross Lamination photo on the wall.

Underneath the Cross these words are written.
“How much do you love me?”
I asked God, He answered me
Stretching out His arms wide
” This much”, and He died.

I never imagined that God would answer me there in that room, I never had a least idea that His answer would come to me all in a sudden, in a strange manner.
I never expected Him to answer my query that why he died at the age of 52 years.
This was the first time the Cross was comforting me in this spectacular way.
My eyes read those …words … and stick to the word….. ‘HE DIED”—–He Died—-He Died

I hear His sweet voice then and there… asking me

When I died?? At what age I died?

331/2 years Lord… I was whispering in my throat.

Again I heard His words…
” Its immaterial when he died, I am going to bless his work’

I was in a dazing condition.. I did not have a word to speak, I was thanking God .. in heart. Like I was in dream, a reverie got up and opened the doors and sat in a wooden chair.. I was looking but not looking. When people come and talk, I was poise and sober, answered them nodding my head, but I was a big BLANK …

How He blessed his work I did not realize but now I knew how much that work we toiled was blessed. None of them were scattered, 30, 60 100 folds the souls are faithful till now.
I see them growing in the Lord, useful in His kingdom, their children and children I am seeing now, I see some of them in different churches in other countries too, where they are used by God in His own way. They are blessed and being blessed to others. Some of them were our Sunday school children some were youth group students… some were single some families, none of them went astray… My heart rejoice when they come and tell me the wondrous works of God in their lives.

I will continue, to describe How God lead me to take up other steps, a very revolutionary steps in order to build His kingdom in different manner, away from the oppression which had its leaps and bounds after the demise of my husband, both in my personal life, family life and in the church I was toiling to build .———- in part 5.
Soon after my husband died, I was treated by the LEF leaders very strangely. One of the leaders sat with me and told me I should go to college by next week. I was such a fool to respect them in toto, strange they played on my innocence and simple mind and obedience.
so instead of spending much time in prayer and alone with the Lord I was pushed to College to the much astonishment of my friends and colleagues.
what type of woman was she to push me to do such thing in the name of obedience and loyalty to the church.
My father in law promised the children that he would go to his village and come back to stay with us. He lost his beloved faithful son, that is my husband.
After one week he was about to start his journey and he sat in chair and collapsed to death. Just one week after the death of my husband. When we heard this message I did not know what was going on, I saw the heavy hand of God upon us, crushing , do not know what and why it was happening, my mother wailed aloud, and me too. John came into the room and warned us sternly ‘ Don’t weep like the heathen who doesn’t have HOPE” –At once we both stopped wailing.
I sat with the Bible and crying aloud in the heart, and siad to the Lord, ” Lord , come what may come, I am ready to face… Even if you want to kill me I willing to die in YOUR hands alone. Do not leave us”—–“Though He slay me yet will I hope in Him; I will surely defend my ways to His face ” Job 13:15

These words automatically came into my mouth, and later I found the same words in the Bible.. and praised God for His spirit of prayer.
Yes the Spirit of the Lord helps us how to pray and He prays in the times of deep agony, when we do not know how to pray He will pray “The Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with wordless groans.” Romans 8:26

The husband of that leader another leader of the LEF started to call me and tell me to sit with him to give me hard and harsh instructions telling me how I should conduct myself as a WIDOW,

Strange, I was considering him as my own father, I thought he would encourage me how to gird up myself and be courageous. Instead his exact words were like this, ( He literally cornered me in the room making me sit in corner and sitting opposite to me, of course it was a open room people were going and coming there.. but it was like claustrophobia for me)
He told me, ” See now you are a WIDOW, ( harshly telling me the truth) your status now changed . You must not go out and be free…in doing things.) It was like hard hit nail on my head. Hardly one week passed after the death of my dear husband, what is this old fool is trying to convey me? Is he thinking that he is the author of the KARMA of woman?
I was shocked, but as I told you, I became a docile cat like person, no voice no objections, no argument, whatever they say I OBEY …

The same lady asked me to sit opposite to her one day in the same week. ” Leela, what are you going to do with this new bajaj scooter of your husband?”
I said, ” John will use it sister”
Oh no, dont’ accidents may occure”
what shall I do then?
Sell it.
They are envious people, they cannot see any one flourish in life. They give instructions expecting the ‘implicit obedience to them’ Never they could see widows live in comfortable way.

Money Money Money …. how to devour the widow and her house… is all that matter to these useless leaders ? “They devour the houses of the widows and for a show make lengthy prayers” Luke 20:47

I sold it for less amount, 23 bought it for 27000/- just six months back sold it for 19000/- rupees just to get rid of it and obey these money mongers immediately.

Went to college , one girl from PG classes who loved me very much and was very active in my Moral Science classes saw me walking , and extended her hand to me, and said, ” Miss God is good ” I said in tearful smile
, ” All the time” —-

Later these and many other incidents occured in my life. I once prostrated on the floor, soon after I came from college, and cried aloud, ” What Lord, why people are saying that you are my husband” what is this”
He consoled me telling me , ” You obeyed your husband 100% in your life, You could never do any thing on your own. You used to do whatever he told you. You did not do any thing without telling him and without getting his permission. YOU OBEYED HIM. now you be like that to me. You do nothing without telling me and getting permission.” It was His answer to me.

so I was asking him for everything in my life.

you can see the rest of the story in the episodes “When God guides… 17th part.. to know more about how a widow is ill treated by church. in this 21st century, a church which is a cult based.

Strangely now I do not have any ill feelings for these people by the way they treated me. But one thing eating me up, all those who are still in this cult based instructions should not be suffered as I was. I want to help them, I want to make them open the eyes and see to whom they should obey.
I was conditioned, brain washed to obey the leadrs for 3 decades the best youthful years of learning in my life, now to unlearn those things was very tough time for me. But God in His mercy helped me to get rid of such couplings of my soul, and stand boldly courageously to oppose them later. This happened only after much tearful prayers in life begging God to give me COURAGE’
The shackles of slavery in the name of implicit obedience were broken once for all.
My talents, my desire for His service flourished in leaps and bounds in freedom the.
As result AMMA Vodi ( In the lap of mother ) monthly magazine I published became my outlet to let the world know my views on life, and serve the public with word of God. Later TV programmes became my food and water. At this juncture I cant but recognize the encouragement of Karupati Shanthi Sagar, a lay preacher who helped me to unearth the hidden oppressed talents in me.
Now I published the much longed book translation of Pilgrim Progress with Pictures, in this 2014 year. by God’s grace.

I have yet some more desires to fulfill … in His Vinyard to bring more fruit for Him to enjoy… Only the time and tide will reveal what is need to be done. Those who can pray , pray for me.

Show More

LeelaMalaka

Hello All! I am a retired Lecturer, Former Air Hostesses, and a writer. I love to share MY STORIES, WITH MY GOD.

Related Articles

Check Also

Close
Close