URSDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2009
….and many others became my friends. I started to learn Indian classical dance Bharatha Nat yam and started to see Hindi films, my first Hindi film was in my 6th class “Taj Mahal” now once again it was started with “Phool aur Pathar”. And now altogether a new life pattern slowly started to drift away from parents and that soft inner voice. Life is after all to enjoy that was my principle . I was doing good in my studies so nobody have any problem with me. But I was not happy with myself. There started some void in my heart. Gods presence once I had in heart was no more. I am trying tofill it with friendships, good for nothing friendships of course. It was teenage, everything was new, every relation has had influence on my personality. Keen observation pervaded my whole life., reading books seeing movies all that interested to me.
I used to get some night mares in the night, the only way I can get rid of them was praying aloud that in the name of Jesus the Devil should run away. And so it was, I had victory over the Evil one through the wonderful name of Jesus.
That was the only anchor I have had in those days, till I met Him personally and invited Him into my heart. During those days of His absence, my life did not have any meaning, I did not have any goal I did not know who I was and what I was doing on this earth. So when I found that there was none to help me, ii thought I should need the help of some supernatural Power. Who was that Power , where I would get , I did not know. Because of my twisted life I dared not to call upon the Holy name of Jesus.
In my childhood days my maternal uncle B.V Raju made us to buy a Holy Bible and it was there always in one of the shelves of our home. My mother used to visit any church once in any year to pay her vow of an offering. Lalitha my childhood friend used to take me to her house on Christmas day and used to give me good food. Johanna Mahimardhini once invited me to some Revival meetings, wherein Br. Solen Braken conducted massive Healing meetings. I sat right in front of stage and I was awestricken by the way he powerfully using the name of Jesus to heal the blind, deaf and lame. First time I realized that threw was such a Power in His name. And I told myself f at all there is aged, He is only Jesus Christ. They gave me some magazines connected to the Revival Meetings. And I kept them very carefully , for about 6 years, until I found my Lord personally., though they do not mean any thing to me, I just kept them very very carefully, because I could not understand them then. Only after I met the lord and had the experience of Born again I could understand those papers.
Later in my college days, the literature I studied had immense impact on my personality. Especially the writings of Bertrand Russell’s musings on the existence of God pacified my troubling heart. . I made myself like a rock and find great fun in calling myself as agnostic as Russell called himself.
If God is there He is there somewhere up in the sky and I do not bother about me. After all He is such a Big God with Gig universe to take care of. It’s funny to think that He knows me and takes care of m. I do not call my self as Atheist or Theist but I found fancy in calling me as agnostic. And that gave me a great solace. I was invited to a prayer meeting in the college and after attending it I knew they different and very religious people. Like them but not to the people like me and so I thought religion was for the people like them but not for me. So I avoided those meetings and their invitations. My Lecturer or my friends could not win me over the influence of my friend Radha. I got acquainted with medical students lalitha and Mercy. I thought those were very pious and touch me not type and my calss mate Ruth was an object of wonder to me. Why this girl never wear any jewllary or fashionable, whys he spends so much time reading the Bible. What is in it? I tried to read it but could not understand one iota of it. Once she showed me one sentencein Bible “ there is no one righteous,nay, not even one” from the epistle to Romans. That I like very much
The only fear in my life was about the exams, I never afride for anything or for any one. I was sure that I need extra power and wisdom only from some one who in Heaven. That I was sure of it. I had a custom of reading Bible and praying for help in the exams . it was my wont. So God has His own way of winning me back. It was amzing. How He wond me you will read in next pages.