Write Up

Especially for Women

  ” The Lord announces the Word, and the women who proclaim it are a mighty throng” Psalms 68 :11

Especially for  Women

After marriage I know the agony of barrenness,  as I too had gone through the same agony of not having children. I was married at the age of 26 and having family at that age is risky in some cases of women. Therefore we both were naturally anxious about this matter.  I was waiting to be conceived. every month.     Anxiously awaiting for the menstrual period to be skipped. 17 months passed away, and every month passed away without that good news. I was disappointed every month.  People started to ask me about my pregnancy  plan, quite often. In Eastern parts of the globe everyone is interested in everything that takes place in others life. People are very nosy in in other’s marriage alliances, in their married life, and family plans etc, They ask directly or indirectly. In the place where I lived they had a strange phrase about enquiring of a married lady of her pregnancy, “Did she has bath?” (ammayi Neellu posukonnadha?). I was a little humiliated by some remarks of that sort also, it was October, 1980 I had Dasara vacation, I came to Vijayawada to the Railway quarters, I was waiting for the baby very anxiously in that month, every day we both were praying but in vain. That day I was sweeping the rooms, and found myself at the bay. Realizing even that month was not with any hope, my eyes welled up and tears were flowing unceasingly, I started to pray half loudly asking God to give me a baby and take away the shame on my face. At that moment I thought of tuning the Viswavani Radio station, and I  switched on the radio, then I heard the voice of Br. R.R.K. Murthy , Are you praying for conceiving a baby?  God is going to give you a baby by this time next year. and he was going on explaining the faith and prayer of Hannah in I Samuel first chapter. I stood still,as my ears glued to the voice coming from that little Radio box. They used to call this Radio set as Aakasha Vani, it means “Voice from Heavens”. Yes, indeed it was a voice from heaven to me at that moment I knew it was for me, and I believed it. all that gloom and fear and confusion and sorrow vanished away in one second. No tears, no anxiety and I knew at once  that God heard my prayer and that He answered.  The next month was skipped from monthly ordeal, by December I was confirmed that I was with a baby in my womb. Doctors confirmed it in second month itself examining the history of my healthy menstrual period from my 13 years of age.  Yes, by August 1981 God had given me a beautiful baby girl in my arms. my dad was commented by the         Dr. Soubhagyavathi, in Vizayanagaram after coming out of the labour room after my delivery of baby girl, anouncing the sex of the baby saying, ‘Sir, your daughter followed your steps, having a girl baby.”                                                                       We are three girls to my parents, my dad wanted to have a grandson at least this time, he was very much disappointed and said,  “Again a girl” and my husband replied, ” Whoever, this is God’s gift uncle !!(Psalms 127:3-5) and smiled. dad laughed and every one of us were very happy. On her first birth day  22nd August 1982, this little girl was asked by my sisters, and my husband, “Baby whats your name? she cooed loudly, giggling , “AAAAppy” again and again was asked and she replied the same, my husband declared ” She says her name is Happy”—Since then this little Happy brought much happiness in our lives. Now she is  a devoted wife, mother working part time after her M.S in U.S.A , while taking care of the studies of her children in HomeSchool. That was how God’s wonderful promise to Hannah the mother of Samuel was also fulfilled in my life when I asked for a baby in my mother’s lap. There is great joy to get any thing from God by prayer and by His assurance.  Getting children is a blessing, but having children by promise is a step nearer to His grace.   Even my marriage was a miracle. I had guidance from God,                                                                                         Usually people get marry by choosing a partner by their own interests. I knew man whose family searched for fair girl  who is well employed. Their main criteria for marriage alliance was only the colour of skin and money the girl can earn. I knew a man who was from a poor family told the preacher that he need a working woman only for marriage. I knew a boy who spoke of nt taking dowry just as the other men I mentioned above was utterly disappointed finding the girl he married  had no money in her bank even after 8 years of working, he enquired that poor girl about her savings before marriage and found that she had 5 lakhs but was spent by her dad and sister and got annoyed and frustrated and spoke about it harshly to the newly married spouse. He was boasting that he spent much money for her for their honeymoon cum ministry trip and lamenting over the spilled coins. he started to mention about Ruth dialogue that she must eliminate her family completely from her dictionary of life and should not maintain any tags with them within two months of married life.  I was so shocked to listen to this type of demanding of the so called self righteous , self proclaimed godly men.  A girl lived in her parental home for 25 or 29 years before her marriage, she have strong relations with her parents and siblings, they had gone thru many ordeals of life, the births and deaths in the family.  They were emotionally tied up to one another for such long period of 25 years in her life, asking her to wean out from family ties at once soon after the marriage within 2 months is absurd. The men in Eastern lands will never stop to boss over the woman, and treat her as a commodity.   Girls should maintain their own dignity by prayer and guidance and wisdom from God. They should learn to play the new role as wife and husband from the Lord. I heard this young man boasting himself by saying that he told his newly wedded wife to pack and get lost twice already. I felt so sad to listen to the utterances of this proud man whose character  I did not realise before . Self righteousness, pride and ego of the man will never bring happiness in married life.  The boy and the girl  are becoming very selfish counting how much they spent for the other and how much time they spent for one another. What sort of marriage is this? Without preparation in prayer entering into married life is terrible.   I had a  strong principle that I should not buy a man to marry, even before I became a christian. I wanted to work and marry with my own earnings which I did exactly. Not having time to ponder and pray about this important life turning  will bring great ordeal in married life.   Here I want to tell certain factors which are most important in life to both boy and girl who were getting ready to marry. what sort of preparation they seek and train themselves is all that important task.

For my second pregnancy, the Lord told me that I will give birth to a boy.                Isaiah 66:7    Soon after I gave birth to John, my little boy, the nurse declared, “You delivered a boy mam” Immediately I said, ” Yes, God told me He would give me a boy this time” She was surprised and asked me again, “What did you say mam?” I said “yes God told me before itself that He is going to give a boy to me this time” I replied to her with my weak voice while half drenched in blood all over. I got that verse from  just before my confinement.1983 ,1st February.

There were other tests in my married life as an young mother  I want to write those here as an encouragement to the  young mothers  with little children, and infants to know that our Savior is there as a friend, all ways, in every situation of our lives.

2)   It was  the time I was  stricken  with jaundice,  I suffered with the fourth stage of the disease,  I was accused by some senior fanatic sisters, in the church who were supporting my  sisters-in-law, These sisters were very partial in their dealings and treating me jealously, saying that I did not  love them listening all those foolish prattle of those three unmarried sisters of my husband. Those senior sisters started to spread the rumours that I got jaundice because I was not in good terms with his sisters. and that was the reason for this disease.  More than the disease the accusing words hurt me  much…I could not take rest due to those words of accusation and useless comments. But my husband was praying for me and I too did not take heed of those hurtful accusations but I relied upon God and His word.

I was very happy with my daughter in those days, she had 6 months, every thing she does was a great source of joy to me and to my husband. We both were enjoying the baby and wanted to show her to Br. Joe in Revival meetings going to be conducted in Vijayawada.  When we met him I  enthusiastically  showed the God given Baby to him. Joe uncle realized the seriousness of my situation, he did not accused me as the fanatic sisters did,  but gave me warning that I should take rest, complete rest on bed , realizing that I became very weak due to much work , he exhorted my husband, like this,  ‘How come you are so hard hearted?  Do you want to lose your wife?  Give her full rest, one full month should not get down from the bed”. He was serious and instructed us severely   Turning towards me, he asked me,   ‘hey girl are you taking boiled water?” I answered him, I stopped to take after six months of my delivery to the baby. He sternly asked me why I did so? I answered him “they told me that I need not take boiled water any more after six months.—– “who?” He almost shouted at me, I replied meekly “My sisters-in-law” He was visibly very angry and said ” You are behaving like a village girl,  do you know which organ affects when you are with this disease?”  When I told him its liver,He asked me again, “where is that organ’? I showed him on my upper right portion of my abdomen above my stomach. he looked at me straight and told me that, You must take rest, do not get down from bed for one month, I will pray for you” He was visibly very much irritated for our carelessness of my health as an feeding mother, and ignorance of common principles of health measures, like drinking hot boiled water.

With this he dismissed us, after a brief prayer for my baby and for my health,  he was much annoyed by our ignorance of the seriousness of the disease.  So by then we both realized the gravity of the problem, we came down from the blindness of too much of Utopian faith.   We decided to go to my parents’ home because with all these problems and responsibilities I cannot take rest, I was on earned leave after the birth of my daughter. It was 1982 January.

So I left for Vizayanagaram to stay with my parents.   I was on bed, but my disease increased much more. My eyes became yellow like turmeric powder, my arms and legs became like black dried up sticks,  I had red clots of blood on the body,  as  I was giving breast milk to my daughter at that time, even the milk turned up into yellow colour, with bile , my bed my blankets also  became yellow.. I could not take anything, nothing sustained in my tummy, my urine was brick red colour, even a cup of water, was being vomited with green bile… like a bucket of green water.  As I was not able to get up or even to sit up for a while, my dad used to lift me up with his two arms with the help of the orderly and keep me in the jeep to take me to the doctor. I lost much weight. The shadow of death was hovering over me. Whoever came to visit me they were talking in whispers, and shocked to see my skeleton frame of the body.

At this juncture, my parents my relatives lost all hope for my life, I too knew I was going to die soon, because I could not get up or sit also and became like a corpse.  I entrusted my daughter to my mom and dad telling them they need to take care of my baby after my death. My husband was in Vijayawada, we did not have mobiles or phone facility, so he used to write one or two letters to enquire of my health, and that he was praying .

One day I  laid down on my bed, and I could not sleep, since three months,   so I was listening to the word of God in Radio every morning R.R.K Murthy’s messages were a source of solace to me, the songs in Viswa vaani were so enchanting and I was learning those songs, on my sick bed especially the song “Aparaadhini Yesayya”  ( I am a sinner, be merciful to me) and also reading a number of biographies, one of those was Br. Andrew-God’s Smuggler,   in that book I read that the man of God claimed one promise from the   Psalms 41:3 when he himself  was sick. The verse was like this.  “The Lord sustains them on their sick bed and restores them from the bed of illness”  He was sick and then he was healed, The Holy spirit at once told me that I too need to claim the same promise.

I said to the Lord loudly with feeble voice,” yes Lord, I believe this verse and I pray and thank you for you are going to heal me completely.”   Thus I prayed and slowly went into deep sleep. That night I slept wonderfully, morning I knew that some great miracle happened in my body, I got up without anybody’s help went to the bathroom and found my urine colour changed to lighter shade. It was a miracle.

I got up from the bed and sat on a chair in the sunny shade of light at the kitchen and    I told my dad, ‘dad please send a constable to come and collect the urine to test in police clinic’,  Later I kept it in a bottle and put it in a plastic bag and handed it over to him.   The doctor was surprised and asked him to collect again after two hours, and the shade of the urine became much lighter than before.  By evening the colour of my urine changed to fully as water.  It was a miracle… My parents especially my dad was astonished along with the doctor, but I knew it was the promise of God which healed me.

Psalm107:20    says, He sent His word, and healed them .He did it by His word.”  He sends His word and heal us…!!! Miracles happen by His word.–This promise once again fulfilled in 1993 in our life. again in 2010; once in case of my son,  when he rolled down into a ditch from a hillock he was climbing, and another in my own case when i was awfully sick by Chikenguienia .

3) There was a time, when I was accused that  I became a backslider by the same fanatic sisters after I became mother, that I was not taking Sunday school and I was a little late to Wednesday and Saturday prayer meetings, and going quickly from Sunday worship etc etc. They started to give lessons to me about back sliding nature and its abomination in the sight of God.

I was taking care of two small children who were  2½  years old girl and 1 year old boy,  I used to take care of them  much, I need to see about sterilized milk bottles, milk powder, cereal powders, and special food for the girl, while I was giving mother’s milk to the boy and  special food for all of us.  My sisters-in –law,  three of them were staying in our house, going to college their queer food habits giving me a great deal of stress , their fuss over food, clothes fees to paid in college, books, etc were every days problems in the home.   all this cost my finances, and my strength and my energy.  It was the time, I was accused  by the senior sisters, that I was backsliding in my spiritual activities, I became lazy in the matters of church,  so on and so forth.  This hurt me very much even after my hard toil in home and outside, when I was accused like this  who is there to listen to all our sighs of the heart, who is there who knew every secret tear on our pillow, in the darkness of the night. I cannot share all this to my husband, because he would be unhappy as its the issue with the family members non -cooperative movement and partial treatment of the senior sisters by involving into my family matters. I never complained about my married life to my parents or anybody else in my life.

This burden was eating me day and night  One fine morning as I was going through  daily reading of my Bible   I stopped at this verse  Isaiah 40:11   “He shall feed His flock like a shepherd. He shall gather the lambs in His arms and carry them in His bosom, and shall gently lead those that give suck. He will lead the weak and the milking mothers of little ones”—I was weak,  I was the one feeding my breast milk, I had little children “.Who will give such comforting words to us, except our great friend, Jesus?  He knew the predicament of mine, my weakness, my toil  in the home

That restored my faith again, those words of encouragement and comfort sustained my faith again, otherwise I would had sunken into deep depression by accusations, and blaming without any reason.  What we have to do when we are mistreated and misunderstood?  When the situations are beyond our repair, there is SOMEONE there all ways to understand us, no matter what happens in our life; He can understand, and He will give right word of comfort to heal us. We know why He does it?   So that we can go to others who are suffering like us, to comfort them with the same comfort we received from Him 2 Cor 1:4

4) THIS is another very secretive womanly temptation and test that I need to face very awkwardly and I need to see how terrible it is to be tempted to such extent, I was tested because   I need to understand how a woman would face certain problems, and if the word of God do not support her, she is prone to commit sin.  I could still stand smiling here just because the word of God helped me to take the test, and stand still in His comfort.

By God ‘s grace I was the only one who could apply one year earned leave when my daughter was born and One year half pay leave when my son was born.. And one year leave on loss of pay . In college history, it was a miracle in my case.  How I got those leaves, only God knows, He intervened and made me happy to stay with the children when they were young infants. Which was /is not possible to anyone then or now or after in our catholic college..

That day I went for general check-up, usually they say, as long as mother’s milk is given to the baby, there won’t be any fear of having another pregnancy.  So I was just enjoying the leave I had, that year.   But when I went to the general check up to the Lady gynecologist, I was shocked to hear her verdict.

‘You are again pregnant” —“What? It can’t be doctor.Because I am still giving breast milk to my baby.” ——She laughed at my ignorance,  and said, “It’s not true,”   —I was  surprised,  and said,” but I do not want to have another baby, no not at all,  Are you sure I am pregnant?”—  I am sure of it, knowing your biological conditions, and history of your monthly cycle, 99% you are pregnant”

I could not talk for a while, I went outside and called my husband who was waiting for me” at the end of the corridor, I told him the situation, he too was shocked, and we both went inside the clinic;  seeing our predicament, the Doctor was kind enough to tell us,  —-If you do not want the third baby…” Before she finished her sentence we both at once said,—-“No Doctor, we do not go for abortion” This time she was the one who was surprised and said,- “Then what shall we do?  Okey I will give a particular injection, it will help you to get your regular menstruation if you are not pregnant”   I could not understand her..-.—” If I am pregnant?” —-“ It will sustain”——“Then why this injection”/——“It is only to induce menstruation if it is stopped by any other reason.– “Oh, if that is the reason, I could wait for it till I get.”—-Yes you could” but in order to get rid of your anxiety whether you are pregnant or not, this injection will help you(progesterone).” ——–Ok doctor now I won’t take, tomorrow I will be going to my parents’ home, Vizag, there I will think and go for it,  just prescribe it .” ———  She said,” I have some of the injections with me here, take one and decide whether you want to take it or not later.”  With that she bid us good bye.

With heavy hearts we came out of the Railway hospital. We both could not speak to one another. I have so many thoughts, running very fast, I was  already on two years of earned leave,  hoping that I would be free to be more dutiful in college,  without any interruptions of family life,  Hoping that I would be so, I was given leave , now how can I  show my face to the principal, as it is since four years,  I was on my family way, and could not concentrate much on my classes as I used to be, now again should I  go like this?

Went home, and a sort of dead silence reigning over us.  No smiles,, no jokes no songs in the home. I was standing in the balcony, right in front of me in the back yard of my friends house who were living on ground floor, beneath our floor, I saw papaya tree with ripened fruits, a rash thought flashed in my mind, ‘If I eat one, it would help me to get rid of this, it would clean my uterus, they say’

        “Hello Satyavathi garu!” I called her, she came out of the kitchen into the backyard, and  — “Can you give one papaya?” –“ Oh why not? Surely I will give, my attender will bring it to you” she assured me with a smile.  Within 10 minutes the much wanted papaya was on my dining table.  My Kitchen knife was in my hand, and I was about to cut it to eat, the whole of it to get rid of this unknown fear and anxiety, unhappiness. But my hand did not cut the papaya, I was standing like a rock staring at that fruit on my table.   ‘ I can’t do this.  I just cannot do this’, I turned back holding the fruit with my hand and threw it beyond the compound wall into the garbage.  I sat in a corner of the room and cried aloud. ‘Oh Lord forgive me, and I cannot bear this”

That evening we started to go to Vizag, we could not have any usual jokes or songs..  Mechanically we traveled, to Vizag, reached by afternoon, after lunch and rest ,  we went out for evening walk,  the injection bottle given by the railway doctor in Vijayawada, was still in my hand bag, while we were walking I saw on my right side, a clinic, of a  gynecologist  –  “ Emandi, shall I get another check up with this doctor?”  He said, “Yes Leela, certainly, lets go.”   This doctor also checked me and said the same thing as the doctor in Vijayawada.  I asked her about the injection recommended by the other doctor.  She said, the same answer as the other one.  And advised me to take the injection to get rid of the anxiety.   But  I said,’ thank you doctor, I won’t take this injection if it is only to induce menstruation,  if I get I get, I won’t try for it, it may affect the baby if I am pregnant’.  She did not answer me negatively and said it could be possible.   ‘Then I won’t take this doctor’. – ‘As you wish’ she smiled.- ‘How much fees I need to pay Doctor?’,   “ No need mam, and it’s ok.  Do not worry”.she replied.   “Thank you Doctor .

We both came out with much more burden in our hearts, but I have some peace in my heart, Whatever happen I won’t try any other way, I wait upon the Lord till I knew whether I am pregnant or not, if it is , ok I will “   —While we both were walking back I sought for the injection in my hand bag, felt it and took it out, and threw it on the heap of garbage on the side of the road without another thought.  We still were not talking to each other, because both of us were sorrowful.

After the dinner, we went to our room, and sat in a corner, to pray before we retire to bed.  I still remember what I prayed, “ Lord you know Lord, if it is another pregnancy,  I have to have not only shame on my face in college,  I have to have those baskets of loads of clothes and milk bottles, cereal tins, hot water flasks, and napkins ,rubber sheets for the babies etc. etc.on my shoulders… and the babies in my arms. If there are three babies,  The life would be much worse than now. Lord but it’s up to you, if you think I could take all this burden once again in my life, it’s up to you.  But it’s not my will but yours…Even so Father..Thy will be done !! “   He too prayed more or less the same way, submitting our will to His will. Later we opened the Bible just to read any portion from the Bible, there I saw the Psalms 81, We started to  read one sentence after the other taking turns.One by him and the otherby me,  when I came to the verse 6th verse, –Its written  like this, —He says, I removed  the burden from their shoulders; their hands were set free from the basket. In your distress you called and I rescued you, I answered you out of a thundercloud; I tested you at the waters of Meribah”  —-At that very moment suddenly there was a great shot in my uterus, it was so sharp and so painful, I cried aloud and shouted all in a sudden holding my abdomen. The pain was so sharp, I could feel some flow was out of me. I stood immediately and said,” I will go to the washroom” and rushed to it, and came out with all beams of laughter on my face.  “ Emandi you know I am not pregnant”  I was literally laughing. His face lit into hundred watts bulb.

And we both read the same verse again,   how meaning full it was, how clearly God spoke to us.  I removed the burden from their shoulders,(   Isn’t this I prayed, I cannot have another burden on my shoulder, again another baby on my shoulder?)—Their hands were set free from the basket?”( Oh did I not pray  about that basket of milk bottles, milk powder, hot water flasks cold water bottles, the heavy luggage wherever I go?)— In your distress you called …( oh yes in my distress I called Him)-,—and I rescued you, I answered you out of a thundercloud,  { At that very moment I felt  a great hard thud kicked into my uterus Oh My, it was exactly the same, it was like a thundercloud in my uterus, a loud thud in my belly, I felt it, I cried loudly, even with pain) …“ I test you at the waters of Meribah” (wow, so it was the TEST of God to me…)

              “ Oh Lord you are so great, you helped me to stand for the test, you helped me to go through this test, and it’s the test, its Meribah… It was my place of test, my distressed place, and God gave me victory by not falling into sin, by distrusting Him. He tested me till I yield to His will, surrender my will to His.

Thus the Lord of Hosts,  helped me in my temptations, tests and trails,  He has given triumph over the sickness, accusations, and tests. Who got such wonderful God like ours.  Women are weaklings, they have to be taken care by their male partners, but often they are neglected, and exploited by the relatives, friends, and other well wishers, too. In times of such trails, the word of God and His comfort gives joy and peace, and victory in life.

5) At another time I was longing to serve Him, there were many constraints upon me, which were meaningless, put to humiliation, just because I am an woman, I cannot take a meeting for women without permissions, I cannot go out and conduct prayer meeting unless I have permissions, I waited many many years, I was vexed with being submissive to my core, I was frustrated, very much, and crying in the presence of God to serve Him, It was beyond my endurance, I prostrated at His feet, and poured out the unjustful treatment wherein I am cut off the fellowship of worshiping along with other friends of mine, It was too much to bear, I wanted to serve Him , and worship Him whenever I want. One day I cried in the presence of God and He had given me this verse which gave me great comfort .I cried aloud, O Lord why this is like this, why I cannot worship you with friends of mine whenever I like? Job 16:19  “Also now, behold, my witness is in heaven, and my record is on High”  That gave me great comfort, now The Lord has given me opportunities to be His witness to different countries. People from different countries come to me to listen to the testimony I have for the Lord. China, Ethiopia, UK, USA, Middle East, North India, etc etc. Its the work of the Lord. The great commission given by the Lord is ” Go ye into all the world and preach the Gospel..” I could not travel every part of the glob so He brought people from different parts of the globe to my little home in Melbourne where I stayed with my son for awhile. God loves women just as a father loves his daughter. So do not be discouraged by rules of the place, open your mouth wide and ask Him that we want to serve Him, and He will use us, wherever we are.

===This chapter is dedicated to woman who is mentioned as “Weaker Vessel” Indeed, she is, there is no difference of a Man or Woman in the Kingdom of God, and in His Ministry, they are equal, but they are not the same. 

As women we have certain responsibilities, and weaknesses, and limitations, different from man;  but the longing to serve Him in the heart of women is equal to man. Just because she is a weaker vessel, she has other privileges , she can be more empathetic, more at the verge of breaking, more easily could shed tears, and fears, and love and courage too at the same time. she was the one who was at the feet of the saviour even when He was on the cross, she was the one who ran to the tomb to see her saviour dead body but found Him alive. She is equal to man , and infact more than man in loving her Saviour.

We can prove to the world, that we have peculiar problems just because we are women and show the world that we can win over such problems just because we are women. These experiences are only for women, who is carefully created by the Creator out of a small rib bone of the man. She is formatted by God in special way, very very special way, because He had to choose a Weakling woman’s womb to come into this world to save the humankind. Her mission of bringing the Saviour into the world is her own experience as a woman, which could not be shared by a man, though man was given special privileges by God and the society. In the garden of Eden both were cursed and thrown out of it, but still God had special love for Eve in telling and promising her that she was chosen by Him already. Her seed will have victory over Satan. This is a great promise of such a benevolent God to a weakling, a weaker vessel..

                                        I ‘m only human, I’m just a woman,Lord                                                                                                                  Help me believe in what I could be, And all that I am.                                                                                  Show me the stair way, I have to climb-                                                                                                  Lord for my sake, teach me to take,  One Day At a Time….

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LeelaMalaka

Hello All! I am a retired Lecturer, Former Air Hostesses, and a writer. I love to share MY STORIES, WITH MY GOD.

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